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View Poll Results: How long until your TTC date?
3 months or less 2 11.76%
3 to 9 months 8 47.06%
9 months to two years 5 29.41%
more than two years 0 0%
no set date yet 2 11.76%
Voters: 17. You may not vote on this poll

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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 07:48 AM   1
music.art
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TTC date set Sept. 2018! Anyone else WTT??


Hello everyone! Anyone else with an upcoming TTC date they can't wait for?? Anyone also waiting for September 2018 or somewhere around that date? I'm new here but a long-time BnB stalker I'd love to hear your stories!! Please post a comment! I love how this forum helps us not feel alone in our wait

My husband didn't want to TTC for several years still, but now we've agreed to start this September, so for those of you interested, here's my story before finally setting this TTC date (yesterday!) for no.1:

We've been married for over a year and we both agreed before marriage that we wanted 3 or 4 children. He's 27 and I'm 25. However we hadn't talked about at which age to start trying and he was very surprised when I first proposed we start right away after we got married. I then found out that he wanted to wait until I'm 30 and he's 32. I said absolutely not, that's too late if we want 4 kids! I said I wanted to try right away. So it's been a (loving, gentle) battle with many conversations, arguments and counterarguments from both of us, and lots of tears and crazy baby-fever on my part for the past 9 months or so (I'm sure many of you can relate - reading forums and stories, looking up videos and articles online about babies, pregnancy, parenting, TTC, birth, and everything in between, during most of my free time... setting countdown timers, journaling, etc...)

After our first serious conversation about it back in April 2017 he had said he could start TTC in January 2020 the earliest. This was of course better than 2023 but I was still quite unhappy about it because there's no real reason to wait other than him wanting us to have more money and him feeling too young to be a dad. We live in Europe and here most of his friends are not even in a serious relationship, but I'm from Latin America, where 25 is perfectly normal for a woman to have a baby. I believe we have more than enough money to start trying. We're both done with our educations, are happily married, been together for 3 and a half years, live alone in an apartment big enough to fit one child in a nice suburban area, he has a full time job and I have a good, stable part-time at walking distance from our apartment, that I intend to keep post-baby. Also, we are both responsible people who never go partying and rarely go out, when we do it's to a restaurant, an opera, or something like that, and he occasionally goes to a sports game, but that's it, so there wouldn't be much to give up regarding our lifestyle when baby comes.

Now yesterday, we FINALLY agreed on a compromise that feels good to me and, surprisingly, to him as well. That is, starting in September of this year (in less than 8 months). This feels much closer and reassuring to me, and he said this way we can save a lot until then and then throughout the pregnancy which would make him feel reassured about his worries (the finances) as we'd have at least a year and a half to save. I've also made some financial compromises like eliminating certain expenses and saving more and basically never eating out, only cooking at home. He knows I'm willing to do anything for TTC sooner and I've proven to him how much I want it and how responsible I've been about it and how mature our conversations have been, so I guess he's really come to terms with it and I'm so happy about that!

Even though I wanted to TTC so badly I was also feeling bad about the fact that I wanted him to want it too, not to force him into it, and whereas you can say that yes I have in a way talked him into trying years sooner than he wanted to, it's happened in a mature and loving way and we've arrived at a conclusion that feels good for both of us after 9 months of discussions and conversations.

So this is to all of you out there in this situation of wanting to try much sooner than your partner - don't give up! Try to let out your emotions in writing so that when you talk to them you can present logical, clear points for discussion and always in a loving and respectful manner. Let the topic rest for a while after a long discussion and come back to it with a fresh perspective, but do be honest and let them know all the emotions you're feeling, you don't have to bottle them up inside! Your partner should always remain your best friend even if you don't agree with them. It's possible to eventually arrive at a compromise that both of you feel OK with!

Good luck everyone!



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Old Jan 12th, 2018, 12:51 PM   2
jellybeanxx
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How exciting! Sounds like youve reached an agreement on something that worked for you both.
I wanted to start trying for our first a while before my husband did, but it was the other way round when it came to our second!
Were currently considering going for a third and Im hoping to start trying in May.
All the best with your TTC journey!



 
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Old Jan 14th, 2018, 08:35 AM   3
Flueky88
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Music I'm glad you guys were able to reach an acceptable compromise. When baby fever hits it's unbearable to not ttc. At least I think so. It first hit at 26 but I was in middle of bcp so I finished then ttc 1. It took 18 months but blessed with our Dd. I've had baby fever after Christmas. We agreed to wait to ttc baby 2 in May to November this year.

We had a whoops and I'm currently in tee. I'd be thrilled for bfp but if not I know it's for the better to wait til May as Dd will turn 1 then. I'm turning 30 in April and I think that has a lot to do with m baby fever.

Anyways, I'm excited for your journey in September and hope it's a short one.

Are you on birth control? If so maybe stop in a few months to give your body time to regulate. You can get to know your cycles so it will help when ttc.

Jellybean I may be ttc at the same time as you. If bfn this month, I think we will try in May. I don't think I can wait any longer than that. DH would agree to try now but DD was preemie and he wants to wait a year. I get it, I really do. My brain says wait but my heart and ovaries say "NOW!!" I hope you have an easy time ttc#3.



 
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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 11:25 AM   4
kbk
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Music I am glad that you two have come to an agreement that both of you are satisfied with!

I am also new to BnB but had been reading posts for a while before joining. As of right now it seems that DH and I are tentatively planning on trying for our first in 2020. Personally, I would rather TTC earlier, like maybe later this year or early 2019. I have been having bad baby fever since last year. I think the combination of being the age that my mom was when she had me (27) and suddenly losing my father only made the baby fever worse. I also think part of what is making me more anxious about waiting too long to TTC is that I know that I will have to go to a high risk maternal/fetal doctor once I am pregnant. I had a blood clot in my lungs from a previous birth control and was told that I would be put on blood thinners once I'm pregnant because of that and the fact that I was found to be Factor V Leiden heterozygous. I am hoping that I will not have a hard time TTC because of that.

Flueky I can totally relate to the heart and ovaries screaming "Now!" while my brain is trying to slow me down. It really does feel like my body and hormones are conspiring to make me have a baby asap at times haha

My husband is also not ready to TTC just yet. He is about to finish grad school, which he has been doing while working full-time, and I think he wants some time with less responsibilities before adding a baby to the mix. I have been talking about TTC with him more lately but I agree that I do not want to force him into it either. I want to be respectful of his opinions and wants as well. I am hopeful that maybe we will come to a compromise of something a little earlier than 2020.

Good luck to everyone! I know the waiting is not always easy.



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Old Jan 15th, 2018, 18:15 PM   5
Flueky88
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Kbk I can definitely understand how you feel. I hope that he is willing to start a little earlier. Oh I hope you won't have trouble conceiving with factor V leiden. I think I will be high risk next time, but im not too worried. Dr said I'd be started on prgesterone injections during second tri to help prevent preterm labor. I had spontaneous preterm with no risk factors. Also so sorry to hear about yoyr dad.

Yes I wish those organs would listen to my brain. Financially and physically its better to wait 4 more months.

I'm so glad that DH is ready for number 2 in May. I can't imagine wanting to ttc but him refuse. I definitely don't agree with forcing them into it either.



 
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Old Jan 16th, 2018, 21:46 PM   6
kbk
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Flueky I'm glad you two are on the same page with timing! I'm sure that helps a lot. I totally understand the wanting to wait for financial reasons. It's something I keep reminding myself of.

I hope your next pregnancy goes more smoothly and your baby does not try to rush its entrance into the world. Hopefully the progesterone shots aren't too bad either. I know I am not excited about the thoughts of daily heparin shots.

Thank you, I'm hoping it won't be too bad either and I am doing my best not to worry about something I cannot control but it still is there in the back of my mind at times.



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Old Jan 18th, 2018, 16:41 PM   7
Flueky88
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Kbk yes I'm very fortunate. I know if you wait for the perfect time it'll never happen, but definitely would like a few debts gone. Her hospital bill is paid off next month. The main one I want paid is the loan I took so I could take full 16 week leave.

Thank you, really other than her unexpected arrival it was really smooth. Less than a week prior on asked when I wanted to stop working and I said 39 weeks. She told me it shouldnt be a problem. I don't mind shots much. I think heparin is subcutaneous and you inject in fatty areas such as back of upper arm, thighs, etc. The needles won't bother you, it's really tiny. You will do fine when that time comes although I'm sure it does suck to have daily shot.

It's so difficult sometimes, but you are right. If we have no control it doesn't help anything by worrying.

Test date is fast approaching. I've been super thirsty which was a symptom with Dd. I try not to symptom spot. Well rather use them as indication. I hate how pregnancy and AF/PMS signs are the same. I will be okay with either outcome. I'd be overjoyed to be expecting again, but I know it would be better to wait. I know I'll feel relieved and disappointed by bfn.



 
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Old Jan 26th, 2018, 22:30 PM   8
WaitingHeart
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So nice to come on here and see that I'm not alone, and good for you for going through all those tough conversations with him! I totally understand why it would bug you that you had to convince him, but I don't think it necessarily means anything bad. My partner and I have our wedding date set for August and are planning on TTC right afterward. I am having trouble waiting. I know I can, I just have to suck it up, haha. But does anyone else feel extremely emotional about the whole thing? I feel like I miss someone I haven't even met yet. Is that stupid? Am I crazy? Sometimes I feel a little like I'm loosing it, because my partner, while he is firm about wanting kids, and we had no trouble agreeing on when to try (I'm very lucky, I know), he's not very emotional and he lives in the moment way better than I do, haha. So, sometimes I feel a little embarrassed or alone in all my feelings. So, it's not a tough to grapple with as what you described, but I hope I'm also not alone. As for your situation, I would bet that as soon as the kids are actually there, suddenly what he said originally or who had to convince who will be completely irrelevant to the both of you!



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