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Old Feb 21st, 2010, 15:10 PM   11
Lilly12
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Yeah, he thought a baby would cost too much a month.
So I showed him how much other people spend on their baby/child a month, and that it'll be as expensive as you make it.
I told him it'd probably be in between 150 and 400 a month.


Then he said "Oh that aint that bad"
I don't know what he thinks exactly, he's not the best at communicating or expressing emotions.
Maybe he's just confused and getting used to the fact that I'm ready to have a child with him.



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Old Feb 21st, 2010, 15:12 PM   12
Pippin
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He hon,

Sounds like you are in a perfect position to me. Could you explain that after your af being late it's really made you think about having a baby and could you try not preventing and see what happens? Maybe he felt a little disappointed too but just hasn't said anything. Worth a 'chat' I reckon. Good luck.



 
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Old Feb 22nd, 2010, 12:37 PM   13
Lilly12
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Yesterday I talked to my husband..it went something like this:

Me: Baby, I want to have a baby with you
Husband: I know you do...
Me:... Do you wanna have a baby with me?
Husband: Someday....I can't give you a date or nothing
Me: I just don't understand you, you keep comming up with different answers/reasons...I thought I might be pregnant and you didn't even freak out..
Husband: Yeah I wasn't freaked out at all.. if it happens it happens, but I am not going to make it happen on purpose
Me: Well you just confuse me, I mean we have a perfect life, we save money ever month and we have tons of savings, so it's not like we can't do it cause of money reasons, and you told me you were mentally ready, the other day.
Husband: I just don't know, maybe a year or two

In the mean while I talk about how it would be to raise a baby, and how we'd both be great parents, and I try to tell him how much others spend on their child weekly/monthly.

Husband: Stop trying to talk me into having a baby, it's not going to work, maybe in a FEW years ..
Me: See this is what I mean, first you say a couple, then a few, what's going to be different in a few years? We're still going to be the same financially, and we're still going to be living the way we are right now..
Husband: I just don't want our child to become a scumbag, I'd be worried all the time
Me: Well, parents worry, that's what they do, doesn't mean that it's all negative though..

Husband: I don't even know if I wanna bring a child into this messed up world
Me: This is what I mean you change your mind every minute.

I guess that was the end of the conversation and we went to bed, I was all depressed and stuff..

This morning we woke up and he's like "you don't seem like your happy self , what's wrong"
Im like, nothing......
He's like what's wrong, and I'm like, the whole baby thing.
He's like Are you still on the whole baby thing.....??
I'm like Yeah, I guess you just don't understand how deep the feelings are in me.
Then I'm like whatever you just find me annoying, and hes like No I don't..
And then he says he understands..

Pfffft.. I don;t know what to think... any advice????
I wish he'd just change his mind...



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Old Feb 22nd, 2010, 17:13 PM   14
Lilly12
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For anyone thats interested.. and for me to just vent

My husband and I talked a little better, and he says he really never ever thought about having a child before, like ever in his life.
And he has to get used to it and think about more and stuff, which i totally understand.
I told him ever since I hit puberty I knew I wanted to have kids some day, prefferebly at a "young" age (meaning in my 20s).
He said he really does want a kid, but doesn't know when yet, probably in about 2 years.

Also he said he's never been this stable in life before , (in every aspect, partner wise, money wise, appartment wise) and he'd like to enjoy this for a while..

But knowing him he'll change his mind again..
It's good that I started talking about it though, because he's never thought about even having kids before, so I'm way ahead of him in this.
So now I'll bring it up and talk about (not too often) and he'll get used to it more and more, and eventually want it as bad as I do

It's not a bad thing to wait, but 2 years!!



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Old Feb 23rd, 2010, 15:25 PM   15
Deeper Blue
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Glad you've got a rough date out of him I know it seems like a long while off but at least you know where you stand
I can't believe you didn't talk about children before you got married though! As much as I love my OH to bits if I knew he never wanted children I couldn't have married him.



 
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Old Feb 23rd, 2010, 17:17 PM   16
Lilly12
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We did talk about that before we got married, he said he wanted to have a family.
But I guess he just freaked out by the fact that we seriously started talking about having a baby in the near future.
He says he really does want to have a child with me in between now and 3 years.
It makes me feel alot better to know... and to get it off my chest , you know.

Thanks for replying



 
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Old Feb 23rd, 2010, 19:19 PM   17
purple_turtle
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Glad to see you've got some idea of a date now Lilly, even if it does feel like a long way away. I could've written your first post myself - Mr Turtle & I have been together for over 8 years, married for six months, and I'm sooo ready to try (although I know we can't straight away because we live quite far from our families and want to move first, which we hope will be in the near future) but last time I brought up the baby thing, Mr Turtle said maybe 4 years - that's way too long for me! I got kinda depressed about that and haven't brought it up since, but I know I need to soon as it's something I've been thinking about a lot, and maybe he hasn't thought quite so much about how long it could take to get pregnant in the first place. Argh, it's so stressful! Anyways, here's hoping those two years fly by for you



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Old Feb 23rd, 2010, 20:13 PM   18
Lilly12
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Hey purple turtle!

It's frustrating isn't it?! I mean I've never felt like this before, I feel like a breeding machine, it's basically all I can think about right now.
And because my husband doesn't want to start trying yet, it makes me feel depressed too, I know how you feel!
You should bring it up though, because like you said, he probably hasn't been thinking about it that much yet.. and with bringing it up you might trigger him to think about it more often and get used to the whole idea.
My husband first got annoyed with me , but I told him it's something I cannot help at this moment, I mean in my head I know that it can't hurt to wait for another 2 years, but my body/hormones are racing and I don't know how to stop it.
Now my husband is less annoyed with me, I think he's kind of understanding me.
Although he doesn't want a baby yet, he does want one in the future.

If I may ask, how old are you and your husband?



 
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Old Feb 23rd, 2010, 22:49 PM   19
purple_turtle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly12 View Post
Hey purple turtle!

It's frustrating isn't it?! I mean I've never felt like this before, I feel like a breeding machine, it's basically all I can think about right now.
And because my husband doesn't want to start trying yet, it makes me feel depressed too, I know how you feel!
That's exactly how I feel - one minute I was fine about having kids 'in a few years', and the next, bam! Baby crazy!
Quote:
You should bring it up though, because like you said, he probably hasn't been thinking about it that much yet.. and with bringing it up you might trigger him to think about it more often and get used to the whole idea.
I already know that he wants kids, we've talked about that since we started dating, so getting him used to the idea of when is definitely the key! I think the main difference between us is that I'm maybe more aware of the sort of time it can take to conceive. I'm 27 soon, and he's 29 this year - we're agreed that we'd like to have two kids ideally by 35, which to him is plenty of time, but to me feels like not enough! I'd like to start TTC when I'm 28, giving us seven years to complete the set - I just don't think he realises that it could take a couple of years for it to happen at all. It's not something he's ever had to think about so I understand that, but I'm going to talk to him about my fears about how long it could take. I think once he realises it doesn't usually happen instantly, then he might be more likely to agree to TTC sooner. Well, that's the plan



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Old Jan 27th, 2011, 13:49 PM   20
annie00
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hey ladies.. is this thread still opened and active? i need some help with my relationship.. My dh isnt ready for a baby but i am and its causing problems in the relationship.... i will explain more when i no this thread is opened?



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