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Old Dec 12th, 2010, 19:25 PM   1
BBgirl
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Don't wait any longer if you are approaching 30!


hi I'm kind of gate-crashing your forum, I hope you don't mind. I'm 41 and desperately TTC after 2 miscarriages. I wish I'd known when I was young and foolish that my fertility would decline so rapidly when I hit 35. If you dip into the forums "TTC Over 35" or "Long term TTC" etc. you will see how much anguish and despair so many women are going through because they are having difficulty conceiving. The main reason for this is they put things off, often due to no fault of their own, just life circumstances, like career or not meeting the right man at the right time. I have always had cycles like clockwork, come from a super fertile family, I am one of 6 and all my sisters have children. But, soon to be 42, I am absolutely suffering because I realise that my chances of ever having a baby are slim, and that even with IVF I have only been given a 21% success rate. After 35 your fertility starts to decline, and every year the decline speeds up after that. Afer 40 you have a 1 in 3 chance of miscarriage, after 45 it is extremely difficult to conceive and you have a 1 in 2 chance of miscarriage. You cannot imagine the pain and heartache involved in a miscarriage until you have been through one. I never understood what all the fuss was about, but when I saw my own baby's heart beating strongly on the scan only to lose the baby a week later Christmas 2008 it was my heart that broke. Christmas 2009 I had another miscarriage. Life has become such a struggle. I didn't get together with the love of my life til 3 years ago, so it's been a race against time. But maybe if I had known what was round the corner for us I'd have tried to hurry things along a bit, because we met 10 years ago. I always thought there would be time, what will be will be. I always assumed I'd have children because since my childhood I assumed I'd some day have children of my own. Now I am not so sure, and I wouldn't wish this scenario on my worst enemy. I don't mean to be doom and gloom, it is just so difficult to imagine having time on my hands and "Waiting to try". Take my advice, if it seems like the right time in your life, if you have found love and your inner voice is saying you both feel ready to have a baby don't listen to society or anybody else who tells you your career or finances or anything else is more important. Tell them first walk a mile in my shoes and still say that.



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Old Dec 12th, 2010, 23:10 PM   2
Nimoo
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hun so sorry for what your going through, best of luck for concieving asap! hope you have your LO soon x



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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 04:00 AM   3
beccad
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Massive hugs Thanks for sharing your story with us - I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much. When I read about stories such as yours it does make me wonder why we're waiting! (Got a ski holiday booked for March next year, and I really wouldn't want to risk being pregnant then...)



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 05:21 AM   4
Star7890
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Stories like this make me want to start trying straight away
We are in love, both have jobs, our own place, engaged and totally READY for our own family....
My sensible head is telling me to wait till its suitable for when I'm finishing my uni course. It would be so amazing to start now.. I'm confused!!!

Wishing you all the best honey and I really hope you get your little bundle of joy soon !!
x



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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 07:59 AM   5
qwk
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so sorry for your losses and what you are going through - prayers and thoughts to you for conceiving!

i'm 27, so i guess i fall under the "approaching 30" category. i would add that most of the ladies i see in the WTT forum are in their 20s - sometimes very early 20s - not 35 or older and WTT. i think delaying TTC a short time period in your 20s in order to reach certain goals that will allow you to start your family when you feel ready is not unreasonable.

i do understand where you are coming from though, but i think that delaying TTC from when I was 26 to when I will be 28 has been, and will be, the right thing for us.

again, i wish you so much luck in TTC!



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 11:02 AM   6
odd_socks
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aww hun im so sorry i dont usually show stuff on this forum to my OH but this i will be (he would love me to wait well into my 30s and doesnt believe me when i say its so much hard then) Good luck x



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 11:08 AM   7
Rachael1981
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Sorry for everything you're going through!

I'm turning 30 in March, and we're WTT until next month, purely because I need to make sure I'm alright after surgery. We both know it gets harder as you get older and we're not going to wait any longer than we need to.

Wishing you the best of luck xxx



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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 11:08 AM   8
littlemonster
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All women's fertility starts to decline when they are 35. Having said that...I have alot of issues and I have until 30, but my case is rare because I have multiple complications.
I don't think anyone should get scared. Also I have friends who have had beautiful babies at almost 40. It depends upon the state of your fertility as to if you can have children later and how well you take care of yourself. It's about talking to your doctors and doing what you can for yourself. Just because someone else struggles doesn't mean you are going to. Also we have medications and technology to help women get pregnant. There are alot of options, but please ladies don't get scared. I'm just saying that and I'm sure the original poster didn't intend that, but it still comes off as trying to caution people when you should be asking your doctors because they're the ones with the answers specificially about you!



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 12:05 PM   9
BBgirl
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Oh girls, you're all so lovely, thank you! I didn't mean to scare anyone, but if I can help one person avoid the terrible heartache of so many women in my age-group then it's been worth me posting this. It's just that one thing a lot of people don't realise is that 1 in 4 pregnancies, even in young, healthy women do end in miscarriage. This is typically due to a chromosome problem in the foetus, and very rarely anything to do with the women's health or lifestyle. It takes about 3 months to recover physically and try again, and most women I know have had at least 1 miscarriage, many have had 2 or more. I don't have any medical problems, tubes clear on the dye test, normal ovaries, never had an STD, smears up to date. My blood tests show average fertility for someone age 41 according to the fertility consultant and I have very regular cycles. My OH has a normal sperm count. I've never smoked, exercise regularly, eat no processed food and come from a really fertile family. The point I'm trying to make is that fertility problems can be due to a medical reason of course, but once you turn 35 by far the commonest problem you will encounter is the normal age-related decline of ovarian function. And, contrary to popular belief it happens to all women, no matter how healthy you are. In other words nobody is immune from this decline in fertility once they hit 38, it simply becomes more and more difficult to conceive. Sure around 10% do have babies in their early 40s, sure there are success stories with IVF etc. in women over 35. But 1 in 3 couples where the woman is 40-44 are infertile, 87% where the woman is over 45 are infertile. And it is extremely rare indeed for anybody to have success with assisted reproduction using their own eggs over the age of 44 and only a low success rate in my age group, 40-44. My point is really only relevant to women over 35. Most couples do conceive within 12 months of trying, but this is not always the case in your late 30s and into your 40s. I'm only posting this to help give you the perspective of someone fairly typical for my age-group. If you're having regular cycles and are under 35 of course you have a good chance of having a baby. If you're having very irregular cycles, even if you are in your 20s it could be polycystic ovaries. Many younger women have posted on the TTC forum and have been upset that this was not recognised in their 20s when they saw their doctor. Littlemonster you're right, everyone should discuss their own case with their doctor, this is not medical advice. But I guarantee the doctor will tell you the same thing - start trying in your late twenties or early thirties if you're keen for a family. See, the truth is I wish someone had scared me a little...I'll try not to gate-crash your forum any more



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Old Dec 13th, 2010, 12:24 PM   10
odd_socks
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great advice thank you x Good luck x



 
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