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Old Jan 5th, 2011, 13:40 PM   21
Justagirlxx
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Estrella, I can not even imagine the kind of pain you must have been going through when you lost your baby, I can't believe he wouldn't even comfort you, he didn't even have the decency to even pretend that he felt some sadness over it. To me that is so unbelievably cruel and very self-centered... can he think of no one but himself at a time when his wife is suffering? I am so sorry... I think you are doing the right thing for yourself by leaving him. I wish you strength in a time when you need to be strong and do the right thing for yourself.

I think it's extremely odd and definitely abnormal to feel such a hatred of children. Children are innocent and precious, a gift from God. I can't even begin to imagine how someone could feel hatred for something that has done no wrong? I don't want to jump to any conclusions about his psychological health because I am not a doctor, but I do agree that he needs therapy to overcome whatever happened to make him feel that way. But you don't have time for him to get better, if he ever does. You need to focus on yourself and what YOU need. You still have time, even if you get a sperm donor to become a mother, do whatever is best for YOU! Massive Good luck with everything.



 
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Old Jan 5th, 2011, 13:58 PM   22
PG5K
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I can understand someone not wanting to have a child, as that is their choice but to not be able to comfort or understand your pain is different.
It sounds like you dont have any option but to have a break from each other (though it is easy for someone on the other side of a computer to say that).

You sound like you have suffered terribly with your loss and not to have the support of the one person who understands you the most is horrible. It is a shame you have had to go though that alone.
When i was deciding about my life without a child it was only a baby that was missing, you sound like you have lots of other issues that he cannot be there for you with.

I havent ever had to go through a mc but seeing other people who have i can partially relate.

I hope you can make the decision that will make you happy in the long run. x



 
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Old Jan 5th, 2011, 19:23 PM   23
angelbump
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Hunny, this is so sad
What an awful situation to be put in, i dont know what to say really, but be sure to do what you want to do and feel that gut instinct
I really hope and pray that things work out for you, broodiness is so overpowering and i hope one day that the broodiness is filled with your little bundle of joy
Chin up xxx



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Old Jan 5th, 2011, 20:44 PM   24
jennybobenny
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I cannot judge your husband without knowing him, but based on all that you've written today, some serious red flags are coming up. My heart is beating through my chest as residual anxiety creeps in. In 1998 I met and began dating my former fiance. We were together for 5 years, but it wasn't until the 4th year that I had my eyes opened to what was really going on with him. What we all (his family) thought was just bi-polar disorder which he took meds for was actually Borderline Personality Disorder. I won't get into details, but will tell you that I had no choice but to leave him or I would probably not be here now.

From things you've shared, it really sounds to me like your husband may have some sort of personality disorder. Maybe not BPD, but it's possible he may suffer from something else. Not liking people in general and children in particular seems pretty extreme. To behave in such a way as to disregard you when you have a medical emergency in order to prepare himself some food seems pretty extreme. To predict that he would be enraged if his (yet to exist) children would be prettier and/or taller than him seems pretty extreme. To disregard you and everything else in his life (I assume he loves to play pool) when something doesn't go his way seems pretty extreme. To not be able to comfort you when you are in histerics and to show zero emotion about what should be a life altering event seems pretty extreme.

This is a great article about various personality disorders. Keep in mind that there are varying degrees of these mental illnesses and it may seem hard to identify in someone you are so close to at first. And hey, maybe I'm wrong about the possibility of an illness and he's just a plain old asshole! Hope it helps and again, I'm here for you - seems like we've got a lot in common.

http://www.merckmanuals.com/home/sec...05/ch105a.html



 
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Old Jan 6th, 2011, 18:57 PM   25
Estrella
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[QUOTE=jennybobenny;8504335]I cannot judge your husband without knowing him, but based on all that you've written today, some serious red flags are coming up. My heart is beating through my chest as residual anxiety creeps in. In 1998 I met and began dating my former fiance. We were together for 5 years, but it wasn't until the 4th year that I had my eyes opened to what was really going on with him. What we all (his family) thought was just bi-polar disorder which he took meds for was actually Borderline Personality Disorder. I won't get into details, but will tell you that I had no choice but to leave him or I would probably not be here now.

From things you've shared, it really sounds to me like your husband may have some sort of personality disorder. Maybe not BPD, but it's possible he may suffer from something else. Not liking people in general and children in particular seems pretty extreme. To behave in such a way as to disregard you when you have a medical emergency in order to prepare himself some food seems pretty extreme. To predict that he would be enraged if his (yet to exist) children would be prettier and/or taller than him seems pretty extreme. To disregard you and everything else in his life (I assume he loves to play pool) when something doesn't go his way seems pretty extreme. To not be able to comfort you when you are in histerics and to show zero emotion about what should be a life altering event seems pretty extreme.

This is a great article about various personality disorders. Keep in mind that there are varying degrees of these mental illnesses and it may seem hard to identify in someone you are so close to at first. And hey, maybe I'm wrong about the possibility of an illness and he's just a plain old asshole! Hope it helps and again, I'm here for you - seems like we've got a lot in common.

I am so sorry for all that you endured. I am sorry if my situation brought up bad memories for you. However, I am very relieved for you that you were able to get out of that relationship and are moving ahead with your plans to have a family. I am very happy for you and hope you have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me and for the information. I read that article and I can't seem to find a disorder that matches his personality exactly, but I am sure there has to be some category he falls under. Your words really hit me hard when you laid out the things he did and how extreme they were. Not in a bad way, but it felt like someone shook me and showed me in sequence - he did this, this, and this - boom. It made me step back and realize that wow, those are some major issues that he carries and his behavior was/is unacceptable. I actually went to this group session that is for people that are grieving and this lady told me that she if a man told her that he didn't want kids that she would leave. She seemed so angry when I shared my story. I told the group how on one occasion, I got down on my hands and knees and begged him to please have a baby with me and how he just looked at me with pity as if I were a wounded animal. I could see the rage on that lady's face. I know that leaving will be extremely painful, but I've done everything I could possibly think of to convince him to want that with me. It's a very unfortunate situation. I appreciate your support and your kindness. You are so kind to reach out and offer words of wisdom. I am very grateful.



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Old Jan 7th, 2011, 02:58 AM   26
chickenchaser
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PG5K View Post
I can understand someone not wanting to have a child, as that is their choice but to not be able to comfort or understand your pain is different.
It sounds like you dont have any option but to have a break from each other (though it is easy for someone on the other side of a computer to say that).

You sound like you have suffered terribly with your loss and not to have the support of the one person who understands you the most is horrible. It is a shame you have had to go though that alone.
When i was deciding about my life without a child it was only a baby that was missing, you sound like you have lots of other issues that he cannot be there for you with.

I havent ever had to go through a mc but seeing other people who have i can partially relate.

I hope you can make the decision that will make you happy in the long run. x
Totally agree



 
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