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Old Jan 6th, 2011, 05:10 AM   1
MrsMandBump
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WTT after loss - OH gone all distant...


Hi ladies,

Hope all your waits are flying by.

I had a natural MC at 11 weeks on 7 December 2010.

At the time my husband was very supportive. There when I needed him through 5 days of initial bleeding, the MC itself on the Tuesday and over a week afterwards at home.

He did the right things, said the right things and was my rock.

Now however he's become very distant. My theory is now that I've stopped bleeding he's anxious about having sex again, 1) because of associating my 'area' with massive bleeding and pain 2) because the implication of having unprotected sex means that I could get pregnant again and have another MC which would be going through the physical and emotional pain all over again.

I'm also nervous about having sex again for both of the reasons above but I'm getting more and more ready to try as each day passes and I understand and accept that there was nothing to suggest in my first MC that there is an increased chance of it happening again.

I've tried talking to him and saying things like 'what are your goals for 2011' and he says 'making sure I keep my job and don't get made redundant', he didn't mention making/having a baby at all. My friend thinks he's covering up his real feelings by focussing on work. We both work in the public sector so there is a chance we'll be made redundant but neither of us are in imminent danger.

When I say 'are you nervous about having sex again?' he says 'maybe'. When I say 'are you worried about me having another MC?' he says 'maybe'. I keep getting 'maybe' answers or avoidance answers and I'm starting to get frustrated although I've hidden this from him.

Just needed somewhere to get it all out, not sure that this is the right place, I might re-post in TTC after Loss.

Is anyone here going through a similar thing? xxxx



 
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Old Jan 6th, 2011, 09:17 AM   2
PG5K
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I am very sorry to hear of your loss.
I havent ever been through anything similar but everyone deals with things in different ways.
I also work in the public sector and me and my husband talk more about my worries for keeping my job than mentioning anything about our ttc soon.

I dont really have any advice but i hope you are able to communicate with each other soon.



 
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Old Jan 6th, 2011, 12:55 PM   3
odd_socks
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so sorry for ur loss aww i dont know what to suggest, maybe all the avoidance of the conversation is cus he deep down is upset about the MC but wants to be strong for u (like men try to do) i hope u can get him talking soon x



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2011, 16:43 PM   4
A_Z
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

I agree with the other posters that it sounds like he's being distant because he's still dealing with emotional fallout from the MC. It sounds like he made taking care of you his priority for the first few weeks, which was the right thing to do, but maybe now his own feelings are catching up with him.

Have you tried sitting him down for a serious conversation? I know you've brought the topic up a few times, but maybe you need set aside a bit of time and be more direct.

Hope things get better soon!



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Old Jan 7th, 2011, 18:50 PM   5
MrsMandBump
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I've set aside time to talk seriously with him but when that didnt work I took a friends advice and started 'dating' again. It was great idea, we had a meal and talked randomly, went to the cinema together for escapism, giggled lots afterwards and then booked an impulse trip to Italy, I'm in love again xxxx



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2011, 19:40 PM   6
qwk
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so sorry for your loss

perhaps he just needs a bit more time to deal... men internalize their feelings so much, it's often hard to really know what they are thinking. but i think taking time to focus on you guys as a couple is a wonderful idea!



 
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Old Jan 7th, 2011, 20:32 PM   7
A_Z
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I'm so glad to hear it, Mrs. M!



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Old Jan 9th, 2011, 05:12 AM   8
MrsMandBump
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xxxx



 
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Old Jan 9th, 2011, 15:57 PM   9
MrsMandBump
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OMG we just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st time since MC!!!!!!!!




 
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Old Jan 9th, 2011, 16:59 PM   10
qwk
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hey, congrats!!!



 
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