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Old Jan 19th, 2011, 10:42 AM   1
Waiting To Try (WTT)
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 16


The last four years have full of ups and downs. Pregnant, lost her. Engaged, lost him. Pregnant, lost her.

In between all of that, I've dated, but haven't found "the one" which sometimes causes me to wonder if my "one" is up in Heaven, and I will never find that happiness again.

2010 was a year of insane dating and bad decisions, and a few pregnancy scares. My Jamie's daddy and I ended our relationship after the miscarriage in early '10, kind of kept in contact through about April, and then finally broke all ties. At the end of April, I started seeing another co-worker, who expressed a desire for more children (divorced father of three), and who knows my history with miscarriage and desire for children. It seemed like a good idea to TTC with him, but after one failed attempt, I broke up with him (not because we couldn't conceive, but probably because I knew it just wasn't right). At the end of May, I dated another co-worker, but that whole situation wasn't smart, as he is my boss, and also quite older than me. Beginning of July, made a stupid drunken decision with yes, another co-worker and ended up completely convinced I was pregnant, had a BFP on a digital test, had "inconclusive" urine results at the doctor, only to end up getting the negative bloodwork results AND my period on my birthday

Since that debacle, I've really tried to take it easy on the dating front. It's just frustrating. It's so rare to find a man like my DF was. He was caring, thoughtful, funny, genuine, romantic, intelligent, adorable, all wrapped into one. I hit the jackpot with him. And then he died And since then it's been disappointment and failed relationship after failed relationship.

I want to be a mom more than ANYTHING in this world. Ideally I'd like to be a married mom, but that requires a husband....who I can't seem to find. I understand I'm young, but mentally, I feel like a 40 year old. I know, (or hope), that my time will come; that I will meet that guy who I will spend the rest of my life with, and that we'll have lots of beautiful babies, but it's so hard to be in the here and now....with empty arms and a heavy heart and all of the desire in the world to just bring home a healthy, happy baby.

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Old Jan 19th, 2011, 11:18 AM   2
Waiting To Try (WTT)
BnB Elite
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,611
firstly sorry to hear ur loss
i hope u find the "one" sounds like ur struggling with the broodiness i know how u are feeling there, its damn hard im sure WTT will at least help a lil bit x good luck

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