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Old Jan 19th, 2011, 18:33 PM   1
angelbump
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Grrrr :@ Long story guys and girls :(


Rant coming but need advice????



Me and OH have been together 3 years happy and blissfully till 7 months ago when he cheated on me and completely broke my heart!

We sorted through alot of things and got back together 5 months ago, and although trust is an issue we really wanna move forward (i say we i mean me!)

Iv expressed that i want children earlier rather than later as iv got the most intense broodiness that never seems to die down! Iv also said that if, should i happen to get pregnant at any time i WILL keep it

When we first got back together he said to me that he wants to do everything with me, move out, HAVE KIDS, grow old and get married

Now whenever i so much as coo over my friends babies or a pampers advert he gets all funny and says 'lets not talk about it'
?????????????????????????



WTF GIRLS?
He changes almost instantly and quite frankly im sick of it, id like to be able to share my broodiness with him and talk about when we have our baby one day but it seems like that is becoming less of a reality everytime we talk about it!

Its really getting me down and makes me quite upset to hear the one thing i really long for to be dismissed to abruptly?
Any other OH's like this and how do you cope?

Many thanks ladies xxxx



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Old Jan 19th, 2011, 19:12 PM   2
Becksher
 
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It sounds like he said those things to look like he was being committed but now that he's 'comfortable' again, he's gone back on his idea. I think that you did a great thing to forgive him for his mistake, but it looks like he's trying to avoid the subject because now he's been forgiven, he doesn't need to promise children, marriage etc just yet.

Sorry that you're going through this. I hope that I am wrong



 
Old Jan 19th, 2011, 19:14 PM   3
QueSeraSera
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DH did a similar thing right after we got married. i told him that i wanted to have a baby and he agreed that he did too. (he has a son, who was 2 at the time, from a previous relationship and we didnt want them to be too far apart in age) i was still in school so we decided to wait one year so that even if i fell pregnent straight away, i would be graduated before the baby arrived. so we waited and the time to TTC came and he completely reversed his attitude. everytime i would mention anything baby or look at one in the mall or anything, he would just roll his eyes and act like i was crazy for even taking notice. then finally one day i just confronted him on the whole thing and made him tell me what his feelings were and why things had changed. it turned out that he was really nervous about another kid...the financial obligations as well as the impact on our relationship (the birth of his son coincided with his ex telling him she wanted him out) so we sat down and made a budget and made sure we could afford a baby, and i assured him that i didnt have any plans for leaving any time soon. and after the big "airing out" of feelings, he was much more relaxed about the whole thing and we moved forward with the NTNP (he didnt want to TTC with temping and charting, because he thought it was making "something natural into something to scientific"...silly boys)

anyway...thats my experience. if i would recommend anything, it would be to just talk to him. tell him that its a safe conversation and that you arent going to get mad at him, but that you truly want to know what he is thinking and feeling and why everything has suddenly changed.

best of luck in it all!



 
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Old Jan 20th, 2011, 08:28 AM   4
angelbump
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Thanks so much ladies

I understand that for anyone having children can be quite daunting and nerv racking but such a magical experience at the same time!

He quite literally describes having a child as ruining his life??? I mean c'mon MAN UP!
He's so brilliant with his little sister and neice, always saying how cute they are and dotes on them, i look at him with them and melt coz i know he's going to be such a brilliant dad

Im just very impatient and although im young (19) Im in a very well paid job as is he, we dont live together but im meant to be moving into his house soon????


Iv done college and got good grades both in senior school and college, the only thing id really like to do before trying for children is to go on a girlie holiday somewhere lovely and hot

I realy need to ask him next time he makes a nasty comment why he's so negative towards it??

Thanks for taking the time to reply girls
xxxx



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Old Jan 20th, 2011, 11:44 AM   5
odd_socks
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sorry ur going through that
My OH is kind of like that only he lets me talk about it abit untill hes had enough of me being broody. I dont think men will ever understand how it feels to yearn for a child and broodiness. Having kids is a scared thing and a huge step and as ive said in other topics men like to think practical, most of them never really think about whats going to happen next week let alone 6-12 months down the line.
Next time it comes up id just say why does it bother u so much when i talk about it its not like ur asking him for a child NOW! lol
Good luck



 
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Old Jan 20th, 2011, 15:53 PM   6
jewelsb
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Becksher View Post
It sounds like he said those things to look like he was being committed but now that he's 'comfortable' again, he's gone back on his idea. I think that you did a great thing to forgive him for his mistake, but it looks like he's trying to avoid the subject because now he's been forgiven, he doesn't need to promise children, marriage etc just yet.

Sorry that you're going through this. I hope that I am wrong

I agree with what you said. I would leave him to be honest....

Sorry hun....



 
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Old Jan 20th, 2011, 16:24 PM   7
Becksher
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angelbump View Post
Thanks so much ladies

I understand that for anyone having children can be quite daunting and nerv racking but such a magical experience at the same time!

He quite literally describes having a child as ruining his life??? I mean c'mon MAN UP!
He's so brilliant with his little sister and neice, always saying how cute they are and dotes on them, i look at him with them and melt coz i know he's going to be such a brilliant dad

Im just very impatient and although im young (19) Im in a very well paid job as is he, we dont live together but im meant to be moving into his house soon????


Iv done college and got good grades both in senior school and college, the only thing id really like to do before trying for children is to go on a girlie holiday somewhere lovely and hot

I realy need to ask him next time he makes a nasty comment why he's so negative towards it??

Thanks for taking the time to reply girls
xxxx
You seem like you're quite mature for your age. Perhaps the OH still needs to do a little growing up (I know mine does)? And my OH is frustrated with me talking about weddings and babies all the time he asked me to stop talking about it. Without realising it you could be putting quite a lot of pressure on him.

Maybe make the plans to move in together before thinking of a baby together? That way you guys can get the feel for living together and get a budget sorted so he can feel more comfortable and its a step closer to ttc without having to move while you're pregnant



 
Old Jan 23rd, 2011, 07:49 AM   8
tinks77
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I have been in the same situation, were together for 8 years with him avoiding the baby subject. He cheated on me and we worked things through. We have just both decided to try for a baby although since the 'incident' he decided he wanted children with me sooner rather than later.

He told me this very soon after we got back together again but said he wanted to put it off as he wanted me to be sure I could forgive him and move on with things.

Some men will say what you want to hear to sort things out but some will realise they were fools but want you to be sure.

Hopefully he'll be happy to discuss it openly with you soon it just may need a little bit of time for him to get used to the idea



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Old Jan 23rd, 2011, 13:41 PM   9
cocokitten
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ugh i hate men. I do think it sounds very much like he's just said all that to get you back, but that might not be the whole story, maybe he's also a bit scared?
My OH was also full of promises to have a baby when really we hadn't been together that long looking back and i tease him and say he did all those nice things just because he wanted to "keep me"! but i think it seems to be quite a common behaviour for men.



 
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Old Jan 24th, 2011, 08:22 AM   10
angelbump
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Thankyou girls,

I do think the next time it comes up i will just say "whats your problem, why does it offend you so much when i speak of the future"?

He's so excited and willing to move in together which i think is a big step expecially as im very close to my mum!!!


I do feel im alot more mature than him and look towards the next few years of my life where he looks to what he's gonna eat for dinner tonight lol.


He may have me back but were still recovering from the "incident" so he wants to be careful with what he says!

Thanks again for replying xxx



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