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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 09:14 AM   1
Thistledown
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Anyone else scared to have the "when" talk with OH?


I've been married to my OH for almost 5 years. In the last couple years I've had a few broody moments, but bringing it up with the OH has always gotten a "we'll talk about it later". But later never seems to come! I know OH does want kids, it's just "eventually" and "when the timing's right". I was really starting to think the only way it was ever going to happen was accidentally.

Well, we had our happy accident a couple weeks ago... unfortunately quickly followed by a MC. OH said we'd talk "soon" about starting a family. Soon sounded good to me, I was fine with waiting a little while to let our emotions settle down before talking about it.

In the meantime, OH got a call from a head hunter the other day. Right now, OH's job usually has him away from home for 4 days, and home for 3. This new possible job is 2 weeks away and 2 weeks at home. I casually mentioned if he did take the job, it would make starting a family pretty difficult. He said "Well, even if I did take it, it wouldn't be a forever kind of thing, only a few years". A few years? Is the kind of time frame he's thinking?? I suspect he wouldn't even want to try on that kind of schedule - I know he doesn't want to be working away that much with a small child at home.

I was completely surprised by my positive test, but I was also excited. I'm really disappointed it didn't pan out, and I want to try again now. I finally broke down and had a little cry last night about the MC (everything was such a whirlwind, it's taking me a while to sort out my feelings), and OH said we'll talk more today.

I think I'm actually scared to have this discussion! Right now I can at least pretend maybe we'll start TTC soon, but once we actually talk about it... it'll be set. And I suspect it'll be set a loooong way off.

Does anyone else feel this way? Like maybe it's better just not having "the talk"?



 
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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 09:22 AM   2
BlaireUK
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Thistledown, I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I can totally understand you think it'll be easier to avoid the talk but I think after aftr 5 years and a mc you both really need to have it. It'll be uncomfy but the alternative is limbo which I think would be worse.

The best thing is to be honest. If you want to start trying straight away then you should say that. In return he needs to be honest with you and give you an idea of what timescale he's thinking about. Then comes the compromise...



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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 09:24 AM   3
BlaireUK
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I should also have said I felt like avoiding the talk a lot too. But when it actually happened it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I imagined. There were a few tears but we managed to reach an agreement eventually!



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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 10:44 AM   4
odd_socks
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sorry for ur loss u know u could actually be talking about my OH in ur post there, he says exactly the same things i.e "eventually" "soon" "when hes ready" and it is so frustrating, i really feel for u and understand how it feels, i can never have a serious talk about it without us arguing or him joking it off so i cant really give u advice about the talk with him but i hope he listens to u and u get some answers good luck x



 
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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 11:16 AM   5
dozydormouse
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I was so scared I had to write down what I wanted to say in case I ended up as a little blithering heap, which I promptly did anyway. He was sweet and surprised me by saying ok in the new year (this was august) when he understood how much it meant to me.



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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 13:08 PM   6
Thistledown
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I hate compromising, always feels like everyone loses. I just have no idea where this convo will go, I think we both have valid arguments for now and for waiting. If I'm honest, my head tells me that OH might logically be right in wanting to wait a couple years... but my heart says screw logic! I know one thing he'll likely say is it would be nice if we had our house built before we have a baby. And he's right, it would. But there's no telling if we'd actually have it done in a couple years, either! 3 years ago we expected we'd have built by now, and we haven't even started planning it.

I know we need to have the talk - limbo is only comfortable for a little while, then it starts to wear and the not knowing is worse. *sigh* It would be so much easier if men got broody too!



 
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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 15:06 PM   7
GettingBroody
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Just wanted to say best of luck



 
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Old Jan 28th, 2011, 15:40 PM   8
Thistledown
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Bah... SIL is staying over with us tonight, and it sounds like she's going to be getting here early (probably even before OH gets home). I love my SIL, but I don't want our talk pushed off again!



 
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Old Jan 29th, 2011, 05:56 AM   9
xclairx
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Hi, so sorry to hear about ur miscarriage

Have you & ur OH had the talk yet? I think you need to just be completley honest about how much you want a baby & how much it means to you so he knows exactly where you stand & im sure if he knows how much you want a baby he wont keep you waiting long.. & if he does im sure it is so going to be worth the wait.

Good Luck xxx



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Old Jan 29th, 2011, 07:22 AM   10
HanaLu
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So sorry for you loss -Big Hugs-. I had that issue with Billie's biological Father, sept it was more I didn't really want children for a good number of years but he desperately did- or so he says- But his way of getting me to talk about it was to just jump into the conversation whilst watching Tv at his mums so I had nowhere to hide and he didn't give me chance in the opening statement to say - lets just wait til we get back home. It really got me to open up about why I didn't and him as to why he did.
And me and my current OH didn't really have an option as to when we had the 'talk' at first so it was completely upfront and honest though unfortunately over the phone due to his stoopid job=[ Now after Billie, I'd like to bring it up with him but I know I'm no where near ready to try again - physically or emotionally- and I know my OH will constantly worry about me if I do bring it up. So I'm on a few years 'count down' waiting for OH to get a UK posting again and for me to grow up a bit I guess.

So yes, I'm scared about the talk to but think I'll personally jump into it the same way the idiot did, though I don't know if I'm that upfront. It obviously works for some people though! XXX Best of luck!!


PS. Don't let the SIL get in the way of this. Maybe just explain you need to steal him for a bit as soon as she arrives so she knows that something importants going on. Ierno... I'm not good with the other sides families! XXX



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