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Old Jan 30th, 2011, 17:29 PM   1
Thistledown
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Why do people always ask??


When meeting people for the first time, why do they always ask "so, do you have any kids?"

OH and I dropped off a lamb to be processed at a small local butcher today. As always seems to happen in rural encounters, we got to chatting about the farm, etc. At one point the butcher asked "so, is it just the two of you out there, or do you have kids?" I'm pretty good at maintaining outward composure, especially in public. But wow, that sure set my mind whirling for a bit.

Why do people even ask that when casually talking? It can be such a loaded question. I don't think I've ever asked someone that...

Or even better, when people you've just met or barely know ask "so when are you having children?" Umm... why are you asking such a personal question??



 
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Old Jan 30th, 2011, 20:31 PM   2
pinkflamingo
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I suppose it's become a normal part of 'making conversation' really.

We are getting it asked by the family a lot now though which of course is different but even harder! We have been married a year and so people think it must be time to have a baby! They don't know we are ttc, and have been for 14 months (just lost a baby recently), so guess the questions will have to go on for a bit longer, and we will keep laughing it off and changing the subject quickly!!



 
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Old Jan 30th, 2011, 20:32 PM   3
pinkflamingo
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Hun just noticed your sig after I posted. I am so sorry for your loss.

xx



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 06:02 AM   4
aob1013
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I think it's just a conversation starter, i don't think people mean to offend.



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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 08:40 AM   5
overthemoon
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I suppose they are trying to make small talk, or they don't really know what else to say. I'm sure they don't mean to offend and they just don't consider the situations people might be going through. Although I do think asking when you are going to have kids is a bit personal.



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 08:45 AM   6
OmiOmen
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When pregnant the question "Is this your first pregnancy?" is a pain too. I had 2 MMC's before my son and never really knew how to answer.



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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 09:06 AM   7
Sherileigh
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People used to ask me when I was first pregnant if this pregnancy was intentional? As we weren't married (yet). I thought that was a bit rude! I was 32, in a stable committed relationship, common-law, we owned our own home, good jobs etc....duhh, no it was an accident, but thanks! lol.
I really don't think people mean to offend though, it really is just small talk. I've asked before, and many people have asked me before and after DS. Never thought twice about it. I'm sorry for what you've been through, must be a very hard question for you...



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 10:08 AM   8
Thistledown
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Oh, I'm sure it isn't meant to be rude at all, but it just seems like the sort of thing that should be private, you know? I sort of think of it like, say, credit card debt or medical problems - I don't expect strangers to casually inquire about those! It just kind of baffles me that it's asked so often and without any other background info. I mean, you never know if the person you're asking has lost children, or can't get pregnant, or if there's a lot of tension because one partner's ready for kids and one isn't.



 
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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 10:10 AM   9
aob1013
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I agree, when you are TTC it is the last thing you want to hear. But try to remember that while TTC you are often more sensitive to the 'kids' talk, kwim? x



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Old Jan 31st, 2011, 10:46 AM   10
Miss Broody
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The when are you gonna have kids question hurts when u wanna turn round and scream if I could right now I would!!! Grr. X



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