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Old Feb 5th, 2011, 14:29 PM   1
bethany1991
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Don't know what to think about OH


Me and my OH have been together for four years this summer, i'm at uni a few days a week (it is a full time course, but its mainly self directed learning) and my OH has a full time job.
For the past year or so, I've been so broody (i've always been a lover of babies and children) but I think now because Im in a relationship the broodiness is stronger

Anyway this morning my OH actually said to me, I want a baby, to which I told him to just stop talking about it because it upsets me how I know that it won't happen for at least anohter three years.

Is it fair for him to say that to me, I mean i know it's not completely unheard of to have a child at uni, but i've only ever heard of peeople saying - "it's so hard to have ababy and do studies" - but surely having a baby any time is gonna be hard!

ARGHH i think i just need a huuuug



 
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Old Feb 5th, 2011, 14:31 PM   2
odd_socks
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i dont know what to suggest all i know is if my OH said he wanted a baby now id jump at it i dont have to study too though so i imagine that can be difficult but isnt unheard of as u said



 
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Old Feb 5th, 2011, 15:10 PM   3
Olivette
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Didn't want to read and run. So hi! Such a hard one. I'm like odd_socks completely, if my OH said that to me, i'd probably jump on him as well.. I'm studying with the Open University and am studying an intense course at the moment, which lasts for 9 months, so wouldn't actually be studying post birth if it did happen soonish anyway, so not really sure what to suggest!

I know people DO do it, and do make it work, but it would be hard. Maybe you could talk to your tutor? or someone related to the Uni to find out more about what happens if you fall pregnant?


It most be so hard on you though, I know with my own desire to be a mother, being told that my by OH would throw me completely off!



 
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Old Feb 5th, 2011, 16:04 PM   4
LuluLamar
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Just remind him how much it's going to cost to bring a baby into your world and how beneficial it will be for the both of you and your child to be 100% comfortable with your ability to function day-to-day with a dependent third family member. When I was feeling broody in my fall semester, I tried to imagine going through my everyday schedule with a small child in tow - and it made me exhausted, haha.



 
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Old Feb 5th, 2011, 17:16 PM   5
bethany1991
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i love how everyones saying that if their OH said this they'd straight be trying for a little one.
i'm on the pill, so it's like i'd have to make an obvious effort to become pregnant, it couldnt just be 'accidently on purpose'
i don't know maybe he was just having a broody day, he has them every so often, coming up behind me and putting his hands on my belly saying he cant wait till it's a pregnant belly but i know if i got pregnant now he'd go into serious panic mode!

mixed messsagessss :@:@



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2011, 02:45 AM   6
OmiOmen
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OK, I just posted something similar in a different thread on here but it applies here too...

I was doing my degree but changed course and took a year out to have my son so he was 4 months old when I went back and I am planning on TTC a few months before my end date of the degree. I was going to go right back as I had 2 MMC's before my son so was not even sure I would stay pregnant. But I took the year off so I could have him but also I had REALLY bad "morning" sickness the first 4 months which put me off going back and it turned out I had a bit of a rough pregnancy (will not go into it all as it is not the point to this really) so had a few stays in hospital. I know that everyone expect a easy pregnancy and I did everything by the book but it does not always work out like that. I am under so much stress from having a baby and doing a degree, I have switched my subject around a bit in the hope I can cope better but I am on two diffident types of medication for stress and it is all a lot of work. I just can not begin to tell you how hard it is and if you have a baby like me that almost never sleeps on a night you have to do it all with maybe 2-4 hours of broken up sleep a night.

Basically I can assure you it is that hard! My advice is that if you really want to finish your degree and can not afford to at leasts take a year out (late pregnancy and early months will not work at Uni even if everything runs smoothly) and do not want to be under a LOT of stress then wait. But even if you decide to go for it good luck.

EDIT:

I should add that DH looks after DS on the days I am at Uni and he works 12 hour night shifts so he is exhausted too and everyone he know now comments on how tiered and stressed he looks. His manager tried to send him home because he looks so worn out last night but he just told her he could not afford the time off. So it takes it's toll on others too but I just feel angry at him because he seems lazy compared to what I have to do. He does not help out enough for me to keep up with work so I have to ask my MIL to babysit a few hours every now and again.

We did plan the pregnancy and I nievly thought I could be the main care giver, be a full time student and work part-time (I am not working now though). I can honestly say that I do not regret having my son one bit, he is amazing and he makes me so happy. I just want to tell you how hard it is before you TTC.



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Old Feb 6th, 2011, 08:19 AM   7
wishandwant
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Hi, if you really feel ready and so is your oh I'd say go for it! It is going to be hard to adjust no matter what situation you are in and I'm a big believer that you just cope! Plus universities these days are very accommodating and a lot have facilities where you can leave your baby while going to class!

It didn't happen to me, bit I know a girl who had a baby while at uni! She wasn't in a relationship so she did actually have to do it all by herself!! She studied, had a job and rented a flat! She said it was extremely difficult but managed!!

You'll have your oh for help and support so you can do it if it's what you really want!

Good luck xx



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2011, 08:35 AM   8
tsyhanochka
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I took my masters a few years ago we had a few 'degree babies' in our year. One lady started with a 2yr old and 3 month old, another was 6wks preggers when she started the program and another got pregnant and gave birth THE DAY she submitted her final masters paper. And now the one who gave birth at the end... has had another (her 3rd) and is starting a PhD. I think she has support from her family though so that helps. But the ladies are right. It is different for everyone. We're waiting on me atm so I know what its like to feel that pressure too.

Weigh everything. If you're a good multitasker, and aren't so stressed by uni as it is, its something to consider. I know for myself I wouldn't have been able to cope well with a baby and school. Have a good talk with your OH to see what he'd be willing to sacrifice to help you finish your degree if you had a baby now. Not the finances, just life stuff. If you both think you can deal. Then be prepared for the not perfect pregnancy, plan it so that you know you can take time off if you have to. And then go for it. Otherwise, it might be worth the wait.

that's my 2cents
HUGS!



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2011, 11:52 AM   9
bethany1991
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so i questioned him again tonight to make sure he wasn't just saying it, but he added this little bit to the end of it...

"I wasnt lying if we had our own house so we could look after one properly."



at the moment we're looking for somewhere to rent, so obviously that kind of puts a stop to these hopes



 
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Old Feb 6th, 2011, 12:01 PM   10
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just wanted to say that i'm at university full time and i have JJ to look after, it's such hard work!! think your OH has the right idea about waiting til you have everything sorted, such as a house!!



 
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