Forum Rules


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Feb 8th, 2011, 08:59 AM   1
anniepie
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 9,226

sometimes feels like my life's on hold...


Hi All

I'm new on here, so be gentle with me! But feel like I need an outlet for how I'm feeling with some hopefully like-minded people. Feels like at the moment I'm becoming a little obsessed with my feelings!

I'm 32 and desperate to have children- it's what I want most from my life really. I've been with my partner (who's 35) for 3 years, although right from the start it felt like we'd known each other for years. I fell pregnant at the start of our relationship (found out I was 5 wks pg when we'd been together 5 weeks!) due to the condom splitting and morning after pill failing. We made the decision to have a termination, a decision I've regretted ever since. We plan a future together - one which includes children.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANY MORE!! I want to be pregnant, or TTC NOW! I did want to be married before having kids, as did OH, but OH seems to be slow at proposing (sorry, I'm a little old fashioned!). He's even admitted before that he's got a slight nervousness of getting married...more so than about having children. But that leaves me in a difficult situation-he wants kids, wants them after marriage, but not too sure about the marriage thing!! He's been engaged before so perhaps nervous to go there again. Anyway, I'm now at a point where I don't feel I want to wait any longer to have kids-even to get married - it just seems too long to wait. We both want 3 kids, and don't want to be old parents, so time feels like it's ticking away at the moment.

But OH doesn't seem to want to go for it now- he's nervous about it being the 'right time' and afording it etc etc. As far as I can see, now's a great time to have our first. We're both in relatively stable jobs, which pay OK, we've a lovely house with a large garden in a great area for children and would just about be able to manage space wise with our first without moving. We're not the sort of people who go away a lot, or have lots of commitments to our time, or go out much, so from that respect, it wouldn't change too much other than we'd also have a baby with us. My feelings are- there'll always be a reason to put it off...

PLUS- I'm trying to start my own business to get out of a job I hate. To me it would seem sensible to stay in my current job to make the most of a very good mat leave package. Then focus on my own business when I'm settled with the baby after mat leave. If kids are far away for me, I'd want to focus on my buisness now to make me happy. But I don't want to chuck it in now and build up my business over the next year just to lose the clients when I have a baby (it's a physically demanding job and not sure I could manage it at late stages of pregnancy or just after having a baby!) and only be entitled to stat mat pay.

I feel like I'm completely obsessing about it now, and whenever I try bringing it up with OH, he says something very non-commital like "I just don't get how do other people manage it" then completely changes the subject. I'm finding it really hard with all my friends currently pregnant/giving birth/TTC number 2 or 3. I just feel like I'm my whole life is on hold for having a baby and starting my business...but cant figure the reasons we're waiting for. And it's really getting me down

Sorry for the essay by the way, and thanks for getting this far!

x



Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 8th, 2011, 09:16 AM   2
Twag
Mum (Mom)
BnB Spammer Elite
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 20,786
Hi Anniepie welcome to WTT there are a lot of us here on WTT who are waiting for our OH to say yes to TTC! and we are all as broody as you so your not alone

Rant away



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 8th, 2011, 09:19 AM   3
anniepie
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 9,226
Thanks for the reply Twag



Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 8th, 2011, 09:56 AM   4
BlaireUK
Mum (Mom)
BnB Elite
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 10,654
Welcome anniepie. You are not alone. Like Twag says there are a lot of us waiting for our partners to catch up.

Have you read the thread on when to have the 'talk' with OH? It's really interesting and it seems we're all in one way or another in the same boat and the only way it'll be resolved is by having a serious talk about the future (which the vast majority of men HATE doing).

Me thinks you need to pin your OH down and find out exactly what his fears are. I don't think its unreasonable of you to be thinking about this if you're 32 and want 3 kids! Best get started i'd say!

Good luck. X



Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 8th, 2011, 10:04 AM   5
anniepie
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 9,226
Thanks BlaireUK. Indeed, I have read the posts on having the talk with OH- it has actually really spured me on to try and have another talk with him again... I guess there's always that feeling of "he knows what I want cos I've spoken about it before", but men don't really work like that, do they!? Think you need to keep having these conversations. Probably won't happen for a couple of weeks as I want to time it right- I'm working tonight and it's not something I want to drop on him before bed (I've done that before with things, and he doesn't respond well, goes to sleep, and I spend the rest of the night upset and an insomniac!)- he's working all this weekend. So unless there's a suitable evening this week when we're both relatively relaxed, think a weekend's a better time to talk!



Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 8th, 2011, 11:49 AM   6
immimx
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 713
just wanted to say hi and good luck when you do have the talk!



Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 8th, 2011, 14:11 PM   7
hannab
Waiting To Try (WTT)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: WORCESTER,UK
Posts: 43
if you speak to most people who already have a LO say theres never a right time but you just have to go for it. i think it would be a good idea to decide before leaving your just for a new buisness because of the mat pay and the stress of starting a buisness.goodluck with the talk



Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 9th, 2011, 04:09 AM   8
anniepie
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 9,226
Thanks you guys- helps having even some 'remote' people here to talk and vent to who know what it feels like!

x



Status: Offline
 

SEO by vBSEO