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Old Feb 12th, 2011, 16:49 PM   11
ChoccieMonkey
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*hugs* I'm sorry that you're not feeling so good and I hope you two can sort something out soon that works! Good luck xx



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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 14:13 PM   12
fabz
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Well, we had another chat y'day, and he said he defo wants to try.....when i get a job. which is the sensible thing i spose.
i was made redundant in November, but have been working at his mums buisness since then, nothing official, but just to keep some cash coming in.

he said he would just feel happier if i had a actual stable job (the one im doing now is stable, but im not on the books, so i wouldnt get any materinty pay etc) so i do understand that.

so fingers crossed now!! lol i have another interview tomorrow - only had 3 interviews after applying for nearly 100 jobs but we have agreed now so im feeling better!!

Tanzibar83-the whole unemployed parents thing was one of my arguments, if they can do it-im sure as hell we could!! lol but he knows how much i want it and he wouldnt be comfortable with it, so we've comprimised - even if it means getting a job then getting pregnant and then have to go on ML, and we've discussed having kids that are quite close in age, so its just a point of getting a job to get pregnant! seems pointless at times, but if thats what it takes......



 
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Old Feb 13th, 2011, 16:47 PM   13
cinnamum
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i used to be a list freak too, after our DD came along. i stopped writting lists (unless i needed a shopping list).
weird how being a mummy changes you.
hope you guys come to a decision soon xxx



 
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Old Feb 14th, 2011, 14:59 PM   14
Tanzibar83
 
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fabz - I agree with what you said. Even if it means taking a few crappy things in life (crap jobs, crap wage, crap hours) it's just finding that determination to keep on going. If people worse off than yourself can do it, you shouldn't have to find excuses why you can't do exactly the same way. It's not ideal but it keeps you going!

Good luck!



 
Old Feb 14th, 2011, 16:13 PM   15
fabz
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^ i know, it sucks cus im already doing that atm!! but because its not official employment....im on an extremly crap wage, but it just about gets us by (about 1 less then min.wage most of the time grrrr) but its money and family so cant complain



 
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Old Feb 14th, 2011, 16:58 PM   16
i want it all
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Less than min wage = illegal!



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Old Feb 14th, 2011, 17:07 PM   17
fabz
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i know!!!

it only started out as me helping them a few days a week so i didnt mind as much as they were helping us out, but now its pretty much a full time thing. but as the business is split in 2, for one person i get paid about 6, and the other 5..... but sometimes its 6 for each......

but its OH's family so.....

fingers crossed i'll get something proper soon!!!



 
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Old Feb 18th, 2011, 15:19 PM   18
smiley_chef
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fabz View Post
Thank you both!!

oh, i forgot to mention i was also ovualting at the time so this made it a bit harder when he said we would have to wait!!

anyways, i got lists and lists of things we would need to get-essentials, before birth, after birth, etc etc!! bit of a list freak! and i have a general idea of how much it would cost us, and like we have both said, there is never a 'right time' to have a baby.

im just researching maternity leave again, i cant remember how long you have to be with an employer before you are eligble for MP.
I think i would be a bit silly to start a new job, only to leave to have a baby in a year (or less)

i just want him to give me a date-something i can focus on and head towards!!
I dont know if you have lists on the computer but if you don't mind sharing? I am a list freak too- and I would like to see what other women think is needed before/during/after pregnancy! If its trouble, don't worry about it! I just thought I would ask!



 
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Old Feb 18th, 2011, 15:24 PM   19
smiley_chef
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fabz View Post
This may be a bit long winded and a bit of a rant so i apologise!! but i need to get it all out!!

so.....saturday night, me and OH went out with his sister and some friends, he got a bit tipsy! but i didnt drink as usual! once we got home we started getting a bit frisky and half way through he tells me he's not going to pull out, which he does all the time.
this shocked the hell outta me but after a while we stopped and started talking...
he told me how he thinks about us having kids all the time when he's a work and cant wait til im pregnant!! he was so excited and genuinely happy and eventually said we were offically going to start trying!! alot of things were said and i have never been happier!! he knows how much i want us to start trying and to have our own family (he has a DD)

fast forward 6 hours, we were driving to his parents and he tells me that maybe its best until i get a better job, blah blah blah. i am making good money now, and we know we could cope just fine.
then as the day went on, he was talking about things that we could start getting once i get a better job...not once mentioning a family.

i felt so depressed and am still struggling to smile and get on with things.
last night he kinda brought it up, saying about maternity pay etc but i still feel so down.

i just dont know what to do, i have a couple of job interviews lined up, but if these dont work out, or even if they do, god knows when he will stick with a decision (hes changed his mind a few times)

if you made it through all of that im sorry for the ramble!! i just need to get it all out!!

Its good to ramble! Everyone does! my DH and I had been talking about a baby for a long time- and finally we decided to try, he almost backed out thinking it wasnt the right time. We had a good long talk, pointed out the goods, and the bads, and the what if's, and eventually we decided to just give it a try- knowing that it may take a long time.

Sometimes knowing you have a good job will help too- feeling financially secure- we all know babies are going to cost alot! So maybe that makes him feel a little bit better, knowing that you have a good job and then think, 'maybe its okay to start a family'. I know my DH feels less stressed, and more happy, knowing there is enough money for bills, etc. Some men are different! But maybe you just need to have a good long talk, and plan it out. Give yourself a time frame...example, give yourself 4 or 5 months to get a new job and get settled, get some money coming in, start saving- and then start trying. You may get pregnant right away, or it might take a few months!!

Goodluck to you!!



 
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