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Old Feb 23rd, 2011, 16:11 PM   1
anniepie
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Fed up :(


Hi Ladies...

Sorry, I'm feeling fed up and lonely tonight, and like all the important decisions in my life are made by someone else Just having a bad day/week and need to vent somewhere...

I've pretty much got no friends any more and those I do have have aren't close and are all married with babies and don't have time for me...I don't have anyone to talk to about anything, I've no one to catch up with for a night out, a cup of coffee or anything...

I'm in a job I hate, seem to have no time for myself while I'm trying to build up my own business.

All I want is to get married and have a family and get on with my life, but of course I have to wait until OH is ready too. I don't get why OH is so apprehensive about taking the steps to getting what he says he also wants (marriage and kids)- and at times I wonder that maybe he's just saying these things as he knows it's what I want to hear. He did say recently that he doesn't want us to wait long for kids, but how long is that??? He just doesn't seem to want to talk about anything. I hate that it feels like all the important decisions have to be governed by someone else... I'm 32, he's 35, so not like we've loads of time... I just feel like everything in my life is waiting for him to figure out his life...

Sorry for the moan, I just had to vent...



 
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Old Feb 23rd, 2011, 16:27 PM   2
MummytoSummer
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Aw Hun, I am so so sorry that you're feeling so down about things. I know there probably isn't much I can say to make you feel better, but I do know what it's like to have a day/ week like that, where it seems nothing is ever gonna fall into place.

We moved house not that long before we decided to ttc and I left a lot of friends behind and where I can't drive I wasn't even able to visit them and most of them soon got tired of driving out to see me all the time. The friends I do have either live a long way from me or are married too with lots of other friends that are nothing to do with me and they live closer to so they see them more often. Since I had Summer I see my friends even less really because as I said I don't drive so it's tough to get about.
My closest friends are my cousin, my brother in laws wife and a girl that lives 40 miles away!

I know how it feels to feel you're alone.

I expect you've tried before but have you taken some time out to sit with your oh specifically to talk about 'the future'? Like most men he no doubt does want marriage and kids but he's scared of it becoming a reality, men definitely don't see those things the same way women do, they just see change and that's it, and change scares them. Talk to him about the changes that will happen but how you'll cope with them. Is he worried financially about anything?

I really hope you get things sorted and feel better about things. Dont feel alone though, we're all here!

X



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Old Feb 24th, 2011, 02:36 AM   3
Twag
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Hi Anniepie, Sorry your feeling this way

I can totally understand where your coming from as I am waiting for my OH too with regards to TTC I am 31 in April and he is 33 in April, we got married last October and we had agreed to TTC then but then others got involved (MIL & his work friends) and now he has decided that we have to wait until I have finished my exams which at the earliest being I pass everything 1st time will be Aug-2012

I hate the fact that my life and future plans are being dictated by other people who actually have no right in intereferring

Our friends (joint couple friends) have also all got children so we get left out of a lot of things or asked as a second thought which isn't nice at all!

I hope your OH hurries up and makes up his mind soon! have you discussed how your feeling with him? Like Mummytosummer says above men are scared of change and do not function the way us women do! they do not seem to get the urgency and certainly do not plan for the future the way we do

xx



 
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Old Feb 24th, 2011, 06:38 AM   4
anniepie
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Thanks so much both of you...

I've tried talking with OH, but the conversations never last long, and we don't really get anywhere with them..I'll just persevere... He's not a hugely communicative person at the best of times, and we just don't seem to make the time to talk at the moment...

Grrr...



 
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Old Feb 24th, 2011, 10:48 AM   5
Aprilshowers
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I know how you feel. I moved to Germany in August 09 with my hubby and also have no real good friends here. I long for someone to have a good girlie chat with, go for a coffee with etc. I spend all my days alone while my hubby is at work. On the positive side of things my hubby is great and really approachable about everything. Thank God for that. Why don't you sit the OH down and tell him you want some concrete answers because you feel in limbo. Tell him that you would just like to know how long you will be waiting.



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Old Feb 24th, 2011, 14:08 PM   6
odd_socks
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totally understand how u are feeling, im in the same situation only im abit younger than u its so hard, i wish i had some advice to give u but i dont x



 
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Old Feb 25th, 2011, 06:20 AM   7
anniepie
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Thanks ladies...really helps having people to vent to, even if I don't know you from Adam!!! Especially helps that we're all in similar boats




 
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Old Feb 25th, 2011, 06:51 AM   8
porkypig
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hun, id sit him down and lay your cards on the table. say youre not happy as you dont know where you are (in terms of where your life is going) and say to him you want to know what his intentions are. if you dont mind waiting then sit back but if you want to be married and have a baby, for example by the time youre 35 then your oh needs to know how you are feeling. i wouldnt wait around xx



 
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Old Feb 25th, 2011, 10:41 AM   9
mrswiles
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Poor you. Know how you feel- so difficult to be in a different place to the one you love in terms of things like this.

We're married but OH still doesn't want to ttc yet as wants to buy a house first, which given the current housing market and our need to save a huge deposit, won't be until end of 2012 at the earliest.
Feel so ridiculously broody- didn't realise it was possible to become so obsessed by something that previously didn't bother me. I have always wanted children but managed to get to 28 without feeling like this and now I have become a mad woman no thanks to hormones!

OH is just too level headed and in an ideal world I would love to buy the house first but don't think I can wait that long. I am surrounded by babies and dote on my nephews- just want one of my own now.

(



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Old Feb 28th, 2011, 05:01 AM   10
anniepie
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Hi Ladies

Feeling a touch better this week at the moment. Had a lovely weekend with OH- relaxing, out for dinner on Saturday, and working in the garden on Sunday... Haven't spoken with him further yet- I know I need to, but didn't want to spoil the nice weekend...

Do you all think it's ok to put that kind of pressure on someone about marriage and kids and pinning them down to a time frame? I've always felt a bit awkward about it.



 
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