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Old Feb 27th, 2011, 13:59 PM   11
odd_socks
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aprilshowers View Post

but you know what they say it's not how deep you fish it's how you wiggle your worm.





 
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Old Feb 27th, 2011, 14:44 PM   12
MummytoSummer
 
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Hey hun, look up vaginismus and see if any of the symptoms relate to you. My cousin put up with getting tense and sex hurting for years as she just thought there was something wrong with her but once she went to her dr they diagnosed that and said it's far more common than people realise but women just dont get help. She had a few sessions of psycho sexual counselling and kind of learnt how to relax and she said it was a dramatic change. Her counsellor said that once you have painful sex once it can then start a trigger every time you go to have sex which then makes you think of the last time when it hurt and so you tense again and the cycle just continues on and on.

I hope you get it sorted!

X



 
Old Feb 27th, 2011, 14:46 PM   13
Aprilshowers
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I will look it up and have a chat with my doc about it. Thanks.



 
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Old Feb 28th, 2011, 04:53 AM   14
anniepie
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Hi Aprilshowers...I'm so there with you... I love the closeness of sex with the person I love, but I generally don't get much from dtd, and never have. I've never had an orgasm, and sex often hurts for me too... And then I developed a complex around sex, lack of confidence etc etc... I had some bad experiences when I was younger, guys treating me bad (not really bad, just not respecting me, and using me when I was just becoming sexually active), and think that's stuck...and all in all its left me feeling a little freaked by the whole thing...

WRT the pain, I think the previous ladies have said good stuff... But also, for me, I spoke with my doc when having a smear once, and she commented that I have a tilted uterus which apparently can often cause pain during sex when in certain positions... For me it is a really deep intense pain rather than a 'not enough lube' pain. So have a play with different positions too. Using lube has helped me too as I think it helps me relax.

Also as the ladies have already said, you get the pain once, and then you tense in future as you're expecting it, which makes it worse...

I tried seeing a psychosexual counsellor...got referred by my GP (was a big deal seeking the referal for me), waited 8 months for the appointment, and just before the time came, they pulled the service. My only option, the doc said, was to see a regular counsellor, or go to somewhere like relate (and pay through the nose, which I couldn't afford).

When I first got together with my OH, we talked about 'me and sex', and he was really understanding. He spent ages 'trying hard' to help me enjoy it...but now it's like he's given up, and it's all about him...I don't blame him, cos I'm a tricky customer!! My general lack of confidence and enjoyment of sex has caused problems in the past with us and previous partners before though, and that's also something that's always in the back of my mind.

For me, it's like the more time that goes, the harder it becomes- generally I just feel a bit f***ed up about it all now (and writing this, I'm thinking following up the counselling route for me might be an idea!!). We currently hardly ever dtd these days...he's also going through a phase of no sex drive which he spole to his doc about last week, so if he ever does make the decision that he's ready to have a baby...it's gonna be a tough thing to get through... I'm hoping that when I come off the pill it'll help me somewhat...

Anyway, there you are...you're not a freak (or at least I'm way up there with you!!)

xxx



 
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Old Feb 28th, 2011, 05:37 AM   15
Webbykinskt
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I agree with the other ladies. It doesn't make you a freak. It's more common than we think. It sounds like a form of anxiety (mine was people shouting and glasses smashing etc) and every time you're in the same situation, you feel the same... It's all about breaking the cycle. Try doing foreplay somewhere other than the bed or not worrying about the actual penetration but the fun beforehand.

Good luck xx



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Old Feb 28th, 2011, 06:21 AM   16
Heidi
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Seems as though you've already been given great advice from the girls so far, i just wanted to add that hopefully when you decided to TTC your desire to have a precious ickle baby will help you to over come your fears and enjoy the baby making



 
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Old Feb 28th, 2011, 07:40 AM   17
Aprilshowers
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Thanks for all the replies and good advice folks. I may look on the internet to see if there are certain foods etc that help increase the libido. I will also try using more lube and more foreplay. Fingers crossed.



 
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Old Feb 28th, 2011, 13:29 PM   18
i want it all
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just make him concentrate on you a little longer during foreplay! Lol! I don't have a very high sex drive, but when TTC, I found it really easy and natural to have sex 3 or 4 times per week. And up until I was 7 weeks and the sickness kicked in!



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Old Mar 3rd, 2011, 20:58 PM   19
Jess137
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WARNING: TMI--I don't have a problem actually DTD but I don't get anything from it really. It feels ok but the only way I can orgasm is from oral sex. The only reason I am telling you this is because maybe (if you and OH are comfortable with it), you would be more relaxed to actually DTD afterward if your OH did a little of that first.



 
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Old Mar 4th, 2011, 12:49 PM   20
Bee70
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i have problems with this too, but we work hard to make sex easier, as otherwise having a baby would have been impossible. OH does a lot of prilimary work (lol) and we use lube. when it comes to actually DTD he pauses and helps me relax (deep breaths) HTH



 
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