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Old Mar 5th, 2011, 22:16 PM   1
jlovesdex
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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waiting and waiting


Hi everyone. I am new to this site and was hoping for some advice/help/feedback.
I am 32 yrs old, married 4 yrs. Been wanting to start trying for a baby for about a year and a half. This past summer my husband told me that he noticed I had gained some weight and that I needed to lose it. This weight gain occurred after both my mom and sister moved far away and i became a bit depressed. My husband also told me that he was concerned because I seemed so down lately. He said that I had a lot of work to do before we even thought about trying. So, as hurt as I was by his comment about my gaining weight, I decided to do something about it. I turned to a nutritionist, as well as a trainer at the gym. I also got into therapy because I thought talking would help me get through my mom and sister both moving. Now, fast forward 8 months...I am 20 lbs lighter, much healthier and happier despite.being diagnosed with hypothyroidism (a big part of my weight gain and trouble taking it off) a month ago. My husband told me a few weeks ago that he sees all the great changes I have made and that he is ready to start trying. So, I made it a point to talk to him about having a romantic dinner this weekend etc. He agreed. Now, tonight, he tells me that it will happen when we are ready...we are not ready now. He told me that he never said that he was ready and that I made it up! He told me that I am not ready and still had work to do.
Can someone please tell me what is going on here? I will spare you the details on how upset I got with him. But, can someone please give me some feedback on this? Is he scared? Is it him that's not ready? My heart hurts so much right now. I was so excited to start trying. How could he take.everything back, or even worse, tell me that he never said he was ready? I'm so angry, I'm ready to just end this marriage. How much more do I have to give/change? It's been all me. What is going on? Please help!



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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 02:32 AM   2
fumbles
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You poor thing! that's awful!!

This is going to sound harsh, but I'd tell him that if babies are not in his plans then he has to say so now, otherwise you'd be unhappy to continue to be married. If he genuinely wants children then he has to start thinking about it NOW! it can take several months to conceive then you have a whole nine months of pregnancy, whatever insane reasons he wants to wait for, he can get sorted while trying to conceive!

Sorry if this sounds like a bit of a rant, but men sometimes live on another planet and the fact he's is practically making you jump through hoops, only to change his mind makes me mad!

I hope you guys reach a fair compromise soon



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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 04:40 AM   3
MissKM
Waiting To Try (WTT)
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awww hun
i totally agree with fumbles, men seen to think we can wait forever and dont seem to understand a womans desire for a baby. i think you have done everything you possibly can for him to make him ready and i dont think you should do anymore. what you have achieved is fantastic!!

personally if my OH truly didnt want children i couldnt stay with him....but thats a decision only you can make after you have had a serious talk with him xx



 
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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 07:58 AM   4
jlovesdex
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Long Island, NY
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Thank you so much to both of you for your sweet replies. I feel the same.way that you both do. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. I feel as if he is putting all these expectations and demands on me and seems to think that he is perfect. Like I said, regardless of how hurt I was when he read off his little list of things I needed to change, I did it because I thought it was going to make him feel better about ttc.
I told him last night that I was finished with making all there changes, but that I would continue down the healthy path i have set for myself and that if wasn't going to start ttc with me, then this marriage is over. He told me that threatening him with divorce wasn't going to work or help the situation.
Anyhow, I so appreciate your replies and the time you have taken to give me some great advice. You both also made me feel good about myself...something my husband hasn't done for me inn a long time.
I will keep you posted :-)



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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 12:17 PM   5
odd_socks
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wow u could be talking about my OH there u poor thing thats horrible thing to do as miss KM said if my OH didnt want kids i would be leaving, im not willing to give up on my dream of being a mum for no one x



 
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