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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 13:33 PM   1
KatieEllen
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Second-Guessing My Decisions on TTC?


I've always wanted to be a young mother, and I finally decided a while ago that I was ready to begin trying with my boyfriend of twenty months. I'm eighteen years old and I'm graduating from high school this June - I don't want to attend college, so I figured that now was as good a time as any to raise a child, while I'm not going to school or focusing on my career.

Only now, I'm starting to second-guess everything. Mostly I'm worried about the fact that we would either have to live with my parents or my boyfriend's dad's house. My boyfriend has money saved up in his bank account that I suppose we could use to rent an apartment or house, but just the idea of having to worry about paying bills while I'm just trying to enjoy my family is kind of ruining the whole idea for me.

Does anyone have a little one and also live with their parents? How did you and your parents agree on the arrangement? I know that my boyfriend will support me in every way that he can, but my parents are already on the fence with me since I recently told them that I don't plan on attending college. Ugh. I don't know... just the more I think about it, the worse of an idea it seems. And then I picture myself and my boyfriend and the baby, and that's my dream. I'm just confused I guess. Does anyone have any input?



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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 14:00 PM   2
odd_socks
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I dont have a LO whilst living at home with my parents but they are fine if we need to, me and my OH living with them with a LO as the whole 1st floor is mine anyway. Only u can decide with ur OH no one else can tell u what to do. Some people would say raising a child is really hard under your parents or in laws roof x



 
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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 14:08 PM   3
deafgal01
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My sister moved in with her in laws after they rented a house for a while to try and reduce their debt. She has a 6 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter (going on 4 in April). From what she's told me, I don't think she enjoys living with her in laws and hopes to have her own place soon. Luckily she never lived with her in laws when she had both kids as babies, they only moved in there like a year or two ago after the kids had already reached the age of 2.

Why not decide to be NTNP? I'm curious... How's your relationship with the bf's parents? I think it depends on a lot of things but at least you know what you want so you should aim for it. Don't let people decide for you how you should spend your life. If you want to be a young mother, go for it.



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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 16:21 PM   4
i want it all
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I couldn't live with my parents or in laws as they take over when we visit so I doubt my dd would know me as mammy if we lived with them. personally I am pleased we have our own home and our own space. Also 20 months isn't a really long period of time in the grand scheme of things!



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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 16:47 PM   5
AtomicPink
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Having parents so near, his or yours, can be a massive intrusion when raising a child. You dont see it until you have kids. Also, how would your parents feel about having a baby in the house? Maybe they've done their 'baby time' and want to be a couple again?

As for

Quote:
but just the idea of having to worry about paying bills while I'm just trying to enjoy my family is kind of ruining the whole idea for me.
That's life. Seriously. Either learn to stand on your two feet now, or it will be a billion times harder with a baby involved. You cannot expect parents to bail you out. They arent your safety net.

It does sound like you and your boyfriend need to build a life for yourself first before bringing a child into your lives. You're obviously trying to think about things the right way and plan in your head. Your parents sound unhappy you wont be at college so they probably will not like the idea too much - but if you and your boyfriend proove to your family you can stand on your own two feet, I bet you'd have more supprt



 
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Old Mar 6th, 2011, 17:25 PM   6
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Only you know the kind of relationship you have with your parents and in laws so I guess it depends on how you think you could cope with being under their roof and abiding by their rules whilst all the while trying to do the most independent thing in raising a baby?

It would put a huge amount of pressure on your relationship, after 20 months can you be sure you're strong enough to cope with that.

Also, and I REALLY don't mean for this to sound patronising or nasty so please please don't take it that way but I'm confused when you say you don't want to have to worry about paying bills etc when you just want to enjoy your family - unfortunately in my opinion if you want to be independent and grown up enough to bring a baby in the world then I think paying bills etc should come hand in hand with that. If you can't afford or simply don't want to pay bills then I dont think you're ready to have a baby.

X



 
Old Mar 6th, 2011, 18:19 PM   7
Thaynes
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The movie 28 day starring Sandra bullock can give you get advice if you pay attention to it but use it in terms of baby and not child. Babies are hard work. Get a place of your own and do the bill paying a stuff. After a few months get a plant. If you can keep it alive for few months then get a pet. If both the pet and the plant are alive and you are keeping up with your bills then think about ttc. I didn't ttc my son. I got pregnant my senior year and had his 5 months after graduation. I live on my own away from my parents. Its hard even with support from OH. I attend college though. Living on your own is hard at first and if you can avoid bring a child into that I would recommend that. Also if you look on the teen parenting board you see a lot about ladies living with parents or in laws and it doesn't seem to be a fun idea. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, only giving you advice to think over. You know your parents and in laws. If you think you can handle anything after considering every opinion then go for it.



 
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Old Mar 14th, 2011, 20:11 PM   8
KatieEllen
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Just to clear something up - both my and my boyfriend have money saved away, quite a little bit, and we've been going over all our finances lately and we think that if we wanted to we could at the very least start renting our own place :] The type of money we have saved pretty much guarantees that for at least the first year, I wouldn't have any really pressing financial issues putting stress on me. Of course I realize that everyone has to pay bills. Like someone already said, that's life. In order to live the way you want to, you have to sacrifice some of your time to make money so you can live comfortably. I guess I've just heard so many stories of young couples struggling financially, and then that tears everything apart. I'm not really sure what's going to happen with my boyfriend and me. We're both approaching high school graduation, so I suppose we'll reevaluate once we both have our diplomas in hand.



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Old Mar 15th, 2011, 05:35 AM   9
anniepie
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I would say if you're having any doubts at all, don't go for it. You have to be 100% sure you're ready if you're going to make a concious decision to bring a child into this world- it is a life commitment. It sounds to me that there are a lot of things you could get sorted before you have a baby. You say you have money in savings that will allow you to rent for about a year- does that include all the living expenses as well as rent etc?? And have you factored in all the expenses that will come with having a baby?? And what will happen after the year's out?

Of course the decision is yours and your partners (and your parents if you'll be living with them), but you're young, so why rush into it if you are having ANY doubts? Why not try living together first and enjoy your life the two of you before you're tied down with a LO? You've not really been together that long...

I'm also a little concerned that you say you're "not really sure what's going to happen with my boyfriend and me." Do you mean with regards to your relationship, your jobs all this sort of thing. I think, in my opinion, you realy need to focus on getting our of high school, figuring out what you want to do with yourself, figure what you want from your relationship, have some fun....and then if all good, start talking about a family, and figure out exactly how you want that to look...

That's my opinion, at the end of the day, though...the decision if yours...



 
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Old Mar 15th, 2011, 10:14 AM   10
Chai_w
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Part of why my OH and I are waiting is because of where we live(my mother-in-laws house). But that's just because she is a stress bomb, and we don't want to live with her much longer



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