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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 13:03 PM   1
Hs1987
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Any advice on talking to OH


Hey ladies I was wondering if you had any advice on talking to my OH about the broodyness. He is quite hard to talk to at times and if it is something that he doesnt want to disscuss he dismisses the conversation very quickly. The thing is he has already got a child from his previous relationship they fell pregnant after just 3month of knowing each other and it didn't work out and he says if we had a baby now it would split us up. I am just getting so down with the whole situation that it is really affecting my anxiety. any advice?



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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 13:09 PM   2
aliss
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IMO he's already made it clear he isn't interested in having a child with you right now. Not what you want to hear of course, but when a man makes it clear, a woman needs to listen and not try and change his mind if he knows what he means. That's why he dismisses the conversation. He already has a child, he knows how hard and stressful it is, I would not try and push it. If you cannot wait for him then you may have to move on. Good luck.



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 13:18 PM   3
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Originally Posted by aliss View Post
IMO he's already made it clear he isn't interested in having a child with you right now. Not what you want to hear of course, but when a man makes it clear, a woman needs to listen and not try and change his mind if he knows what he means. That's why he dismisses the conversation. He already has a child, he knows how hard and stressful it is, I would not try and push it. If you cannot wait for him then you may have to move on. Good luck.
I could have said that myself.

If you did manage to talk him into having a baby then he would likely not want to help out much or anything anyway and it maybe even end up splitting you up just because of stress.



 
Old Mar 8th, 2011, 13:59 PM   4
odd_socks
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u could be talking about my OH there (only he doesnt have a child already) i think maybe u need to put ur cards on the table tell him u want kids and within (insert time) if he really doesnt think or see himself having anymore then maybe u will have a decision on ur hands, either stick with him and no kids or move on x good luck



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 15:41 PM   5
i want it all
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I think you need to know one way or the other! Sometimes the important things are hard to talk about, but it's only because they mean so much! If you explain to him how you feel, he might be more prepared to think about it. If he thinks it's just something you want in the future then there's a pretty good chance he's thinking 5 years down the line. If he isn't gonna budge, you will have to assess what is more important. Looking for a new partner doesn't mean that they will want children straight away either, so you could end up alone.



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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 16:04 PM   6
Aprilshowers
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I think the girls have already given good advice. Sit him down, make him a nice dinner, make sure the atmosphere is calm and relaxed and then tell him that you want to have a conversation about babies and that is very important to you that he isn't dismissive because it is something that is in your heart. Good Luck.



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 16:06 PM   7
MissKM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hs1987 View Post
Hey ladies I was wondering if you had any advice on talking to my OH about the broodyness. He is quite hard to talk to at times and if it is something that he doesnt want to disscuss he dismisses the conversation very quickly. The thing is he has already got a child from his previous relationship they fell pregnant after just 3month of knowing each other and it didn't work out and he says if we had a baby now it would split us up. I am just getting so down with the whole situation that it is really affecting my anxiety. any advice?
i can completely relate to your situation...it was the double of mine. i know i found it really hard when my OH would compare our situation to the one he had with his ex and say that his past experience meant he didnt want any children for a while...our situation was never the same, and im nothing like his ex (id be devastated if i was!!) however as time has progressed he has came round to the idea a bit better, i didnt pester him about it but i just started talking about our future one day and the subject of kids came up.

please try explaining that your situation is not the same as the one he had with his ex! and nor will it ever be, cause he has learnt from the experience and you are a different person from her. it wasnt until my OH realised this that he began to think about children with me. sometimes its amazing the effects a previous relationship can have on a current one.

i just want to add that just cause he dismisses the conversation, it doesnt mean he doesnt want children with you, he is probably just scared everything will end as badly as it had before. Hope this helps x



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 16:20 PM   8
porkypig
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you need to know what his intentions are and if youre willing to accept them or not. If hes not interested in having any more and you really want them, you need to have a serious chat with him, as one of my good friends who's been married for 3 years has just split up because of this, she really wants kids and he didnt.
You need to say to him, "theres no point being dismissive, as this could determine whether you and me have a future love" xx



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 16:22 PM   9
porkypig
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Originally Posted by i want it all View Post
I think you need to know one way or the other! Sometimes the important things are hard to talk about, but it's only because they mean so much! If you explain to him how you feel, he might be more prepared to think about it. If he thinks it's just something you want in the future then there's a pretty good chance he's thinking 5 years down the line. If he isn't gonna budge, you will have to assess what is more important. Looking for a new partner doesn't mean that they will want children straight away either, so you could end up alone.
yes but if they dont want the same things then this relationship is doomed, you cant just stay with him because you might be alone otherwise xx



 
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Old Mar 8th, 2011, 17:22 PM   10
i want it all
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I didn't mean to stay with him if she was going to be unhappy. It was just a 'the grass isn't always greener' sort of comment. I think her personal happiness is the most important thing here.



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