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Old Mar 10th, 2011, 11:45 AM   1
Aprilshowers
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MIL Rant


Okay so just a little rant about my MIL. Sometimes this woman can drive me crazy. Since I've known her she has sometimes been insulting. She says she doesn't mean it and that she is just very direct but sometimes I wish she would just keep her mouth shut. For example I'm overweight and was a little overweight for my wedding but choose a strapless dress none the less and was quite pleased with how it looked. Anyway she goes and says that she thinks the dress will make my arms look fat and that about a week before the wedding. I was so upset I was even thinking of buying a new dress and it really stressed me out. Then she was going on about the amount of stress we were causing her because we were having a big wedding. It didn't suit her. Just lately we were talking about having kids and she said that we shouldn't because firstly we are too old and secondly that I would not be able to change my lifestyle and look after a baby. I was soooooo upset by her comments. I felt like smacking her. She has been through tough things in her life and lost a child over 40 years ago. She can sometimes be the salt of the earth but I don't understand why she can sometimes be so mean. It's like she doesn't even think about her opinions hurting the feelings of others. My OH is on my side and knows what his mother is like. Don't get me wrong I do love her but sometimes I just don't like her. Any advice on how not to take things too much to heart would be appreciated.
Anyway sorry about the long rant.



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2011, 12:14 PM   2
MissKM
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i know all too well about the insulting and hurtful comments coming from a partners family and to be honest i really dont think that its easy not to take it to heart. i mean they are your OH's family and you want to like them and want to get on with them but sometimes i felt like i was trying to hard to be liked and i think this gave them more ammunition.

your situation sounds very different to mine though but i ended up exploding at a few members of my OH's family, after which they seemed to back down a little...very strange i know. but there were many times id come home from visiting his family in tears! they would insult me constantly, shout at me telling me my views and opinions were wrong and calling me stupid cause i had them, tell me i was taking OH away from them and that they would never let that happen, tell me we will never get married (cause i wont take OH's name) and id sit quietly and just take it until one day id had enough and went into one in the front room .... i have to say their attitude quickly changed towards me.

its so easy to just say 'let them get on with it, their not worth getting upset over, dont let them get to you' etc etc but i just dont think its that easy. im sorry that i have no real advice i just wanted to let you know that your not alone with how you feel and by all means feel free to have a rant to me about it! it helps that your OH is on your side...mine just though i was being 'over sensitive'. all i can suggest is that you just take her with a pinch of salt and remember that a lot of things shes says are probably said in the spur of the moment without her actually thinking about how much she may have hurt your feelings xx



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2011, 12:24 PM   3
Aprilshowers
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Thanks a lot
I know in my heart that she probably doesn't say these things purposely to hurt me but they do. I'm getting better at ignoring it though but sometimes if I'm having a bad day then I find it hard just to accept some of the comments. I mean don't get me wrong she's not always insulting me or anything it's just that when she does it really hurts. What makes me crazy is that the very same woman takes offence at the slightest thing. It makes me mad that she feels that she can say anything she wants but nobody can say anything to her. I just try to bite my lip now and just think it's not worth the hassle.
Sorry to hear about your OH family not treating you right either.



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2011, 12:58 PM   4
MissKM
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your a better person that me i have to say, now i dont even give my OH's family a chance to say anything cause im now always on the defensive, i know this isnt a good thing but i suppose my barrier will drop with time.

i find that most people who dish out insults can never receive them, i have no idea why though. its good in a sense that its not constant though, she most probably just doesnt think before she speaks, but often that can be the most hurtful, probably cause its unexpected. at least when you know someone is intentionally setting out to be horrible you can somewhat distance yourself and ignore it.

why is no family more irritating that your OH's!! xx



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2011, 18:21 PM   5
Star7890
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Some MILS just dont mean it to come across how it does. I know my MIL (Without realizing shes doing it) takes control over every situation and comes across very opinionated and brash and at the start of our relationship it really used to upset me but now Im used to it. It worries me a little though about how she will be when we have our LO as I know shes just going to take control and tell me I'm doing it wrong! (which I wont put up with) xx

Just try and leave her to it and let her busybody to herself x



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Old Mar 10th, 2011, 18:28 PM   6
purplerose
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Hey my OH's mother was fully drunk when I met her in person.

She also likes to give snide comments etc. However I have learned to ignore them as best as I can. I gave a tanty when OH mentioned that his mother asked in a very rude tone if I was pregnant. Even though he was stating an innocent scenerio and saying how in a few days I said my period is late.

You are strong hun and I think you need to tell her that some of the things she says is pretty rude.



 
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Old Mar 10th, 2011, 19:46 PM   7
BabyMaybe917
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Hopefully your MIL just doesn't realize what she is saying! I would hope that someone couldn't be so cruel on purpose. No matter how much you try to not take something like that to heart I don't see how you could ignore it! Have you considered talking to your husband? Maybe he can mention to her that it is really upsetting. It may be easier for her to hear from him? Keep in mind though that regardless of what she thinks it is your (and husband's of course) decision to have a baby. If she can't be excited then at the very least I would have to tell her she could keep her thoughts and opinions to herself!



 
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