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Old Mar 12th, 2011, 16:43 PM   11
Pregnant (Expecting)
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Montana
Posts: 232
I was where you are now, about 6 months ago. This is just a little background info.
We are not married, we have been together for 5 years.. he has a 10 year old daughter who we have full custody of. Together we have a 2 year old daughter, who was not planned... infact he was really upset I got pregnant.. Anyway - long story - I told him I never wanted an only child, and while I know she has a half sister 8 years older, I wanted kids close in age, sharing the same two parents. Ive been talking about it almost since the day our daughter was born. I knew I wanted another and he was adamant about being ALL DONE having kids. We would fight and I would back down.. then we would fight and Id threaten to leave.. it wasnt good.
Basically, what it came down to - I wrote out a list of things i wanted in my life and what I was willing to do to get them. The pros and cons of my decisions and what I needed to do to make things happen. I came to the conclusion that I was NOT going to be happy if I never got the chance to have another child and that I knew Id resent him forever if he took my wishes away from me. So, one day we had a talk.. he was like he always was .. "nope, noway, we already have one.. you are being selfish..what about what I want?" .. So I said, thats it. Then Im done. You will not force me to give up my dreams of a family.. and I left.
I just went to my Aunt's house about 5 miles away.. just me and our daughter... and I waited it out.. I knew he wouldnt want to give me up because of my wishes.. or at least I had a good feeling. I hated it, every minute and I wanted to get in the car and come right back home and continue the baby fight forever.. BUT I didnt! I didnt give in.. and every time he would call or text.. I told him why I felt the way I did, and why I would resent him forever if I came back and didnt get the chance to have another baby, and become a mom again - which is the one thing in my life I feel I do a great job at, the one thing that makes me happier than anything..
He thought about it.. and he was scared. He Begged me to come back and before I did we have an actual date we would start trying.. which was March 3rd 2011.. And we are trying.. and last night he told me just how excited he is, and just how bad he felt for trying to make me change my mind about having more kids..
I know some of you are thinking.. well thats not right, she basically forced a man who was unwilling.. and let me tell you, if I hadnt... and if he hadnt have changed his mind, I would be gone. Not at because I dont love him, because I do - he is the most amazing man Ive ever been with and I love him to pieces.. but I felt like, if he didnt compromise for me - why would I comprise my dreams for him? Not worth it. Being a mom is the most amazing and rewarding thing I have ever done, and I would never let a man take that away from me.
Just my two cents. I hope I gave any of you needing it, a little courage to put your foot down and stand up for your desire to become a mother.

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Old Mar 12th, 2011, 18:56 PM   12
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 243
Yeah- I actually threatened to leave him in frustration of this situation a couple of days ago. After he took back a promise to start ttc on march 9th (this was the 2nd time). But I'm really strong in my faith and so after I got past being angry (not that I'm okay with not ttc or NTNP) we talked it out and just agreed that we both want kids. I haven't brought it up again yet because I refuse to do that whole we'll start on "x" date since he has gone back on it previously. Next convo we have will be one where we start NTNP that night!! We are currently using pull out and occassionally condoms but I'm not on bc. I'm happy you and the hubby came to common terms. I can only pray the same happens here sometime soon.

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Old Mar 12th, 2011, 19:03 PM   13
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Hiya hun, I guess I'm lucky in that it was my husband who was always the one pestering me to start ttc and he's the one desperate to ttc number 2.

Im sorry that your oh is so reluctant to ttc and the excuses he's given you are awful! If it had been the other way around and it was my husband that had wanted to wait and he'd have used my looks as an excuse he wouldn't have known what hit him!
Your oh may just be using those reasons to cover up the fact that like most men he's just scared stiff of the enormity and commitment of having a baby.

I really hope you don't have to wait too long, has he given you any indication ofwhen you can start ttc?


EDIT: Think I must have been posting at the same time as your last one - I see that you don't want to go down the setting a ttc date as the last one never happened. Well I hope that your next 'talk' isn't far away and your ntnp begins straight away!

Old Mar 12th, 2011, 20:20 PM   14
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: United States
Posts: 695
luckyalready, I think that any woman who speaks negatively about you is utterly crazy. You are such a strong woman for putting your foot down! I hope that I can achieve even a partial amount of the strength it took you to do this for yourself. The thing that I think most people forget is that eventhough we are with someone else, we are always supposed to be true to ourselves because if we don't, then we lose ourselves & everything else after that. OH's are supposed to be there to support our dreams, whatever they may be, and I am happy that your dh supported you in the end.

Just always remember not to ever settle ladies!!! We are worth much more than that!

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b c , partner , wtt

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