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Old Mar 16th, 2011, 11:13 AM   1
Hs1987
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Hope do you long waiters cope?


Just wanted to no how you guys who have to wait years cope. Had another talk/argument with oh last nite.he is still adamant that we are not going to try for at least 3 years and I'm finding that very hard to deal with.
I tried to explain to him last night how I was feeling with the broodyness the constant ache the crying that it's all I think about 24 hours a day to which he replied I should go and see a therapist cause I'm obviously depressed. He can't understand that it's not depression and I'm not the only woman to feel like this. His comment left me feeling quite hurt and upset.
I dont really understand why he doest want it yet. We own a home. Both have a lot of money in savings we both have gud jobs. I have my own business so Im quite lucky in the fact that I do have the freedom to be at home more.
I no he already has a child so his urge to have children isn't going to be as strong as mine. But he isn't taking my feelings into consideration at all. He wants it all on his time when he says and it docent matter what I want.
I love him to pieces but I'm finding it all really hard at the moment.

Ps sorry bout the rant just needed to get it of my chest



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Old Mar 16th, 2011, 11:43 AM   2
Freakycactus
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sorry you're feeling like this. I'm in a very different situation to you so it probably won't help.

We're waiting because we want to be in a better financial position - both be working full time and have our own place. I'm really struggling because we've already waited so long, we've been ready to TTC for around 2 and a half years, so by the time we TTC we'll have been waiting for around 5 years. We decided that ideally we wanted to be married with our own home first, so we waited for me to finish uni (2 years this May), then we both needed permanent full time jobs so we'd be able to get a mortgage and neither of us managed it, H2B had what I believe to be a breakdown a year and a half ago and hasn't worked since.

He proposed in August and we've set a date in June 2013, this should give us enough time to be able to both be working and have our own home (whether we own it or not matters less and less each day, although I think if we're in a position to rent then we should also be in a position to buy by then). So by the time we're ready to have a baby it'll be so close to the wedding we may as well wait until after.

It's really hard to wait, but I know that by waiting we're doing what's best for the baby rather than what feels right for us to do now.



 
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Old Mar 16th, 2011, 12:18 PM   3
odd_socks
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sorry u have to feel this way chick TBH ive been waiting around 18months now and ive got around another year (most probably) to wait i hate it and TBH i dont really cope with it, but this site has helped me loads when im having a real down day or super broody day. It is really hard waiting, maybe if u have other things to keep ur mind busy will help a little bit hang in there ull get there x



 
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Old Mar 16th, 2011, 19:01 PM   4
bartlettpear
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I joined this website to help me cope!
I also have written lists on what having a baby will actually entail... (health insurance, cribs, childcare, renovations around the house)
I am also trying not to discuss TTC because it leads to tense moments and small arguments.
This has to be really frustrating for you. Hang in there



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Old Mar 16th, 2011, 19:18 PM   5
starbucker
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Personally, I wouldn't be very thrilled if my OH reacted that way, or made comments like that. A serious, mature relationship should be built on communication. If you are upset about something, he should just tell you that you need therapy. That's so rude.

I would seriously think about if this is the man you want to love and support you in the future, because it doesn't seem like that's what he's doing at this point.

I hope things change, and he starts respecting your feelings.



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Old Mar 17th, 2011, 09:22 AM   6
bobsiesgal
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i'm having to wait for what could be 5-6 years, we are now coming to the end of our degrees and before we can ttc we need to get jobs, buy a house and get married.

i find distractions help a lot, for me they are planning our wedding, applying for my master's degree and looking for work experince, but hobby's work just as well.

it is sad that he dosen't understand how your feeling, but i think thats just a man thing, bob has said to me that sometimes he thinks i'm obsessed, i just try to explain that thinking about it makes me happy, and that i listen to him about his maths so he can humour me by talking about babies!



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Old Mar 17th, 2011, 11:38 AM   7
MackMomma8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by starbucker View Post
Personally, I wouldn't be very thrilled if my OH reacted that way, or made comments like that. A serious, mature relationship should be built on communication. If you are upset about something, he should just tell you that you need therapy. That's so rude.

I would seriously think about if this is the man you want to love and support you in the future, because it doesn't seem like that's what he's doing at this point.

I hope things change, and he starts respecting your feelings.
I second this. I know I'd be pretty upset with my OH if he said that to me!

That aside, I know how much it sucks. I'm in a similar situation to yours - we have everything we 'need' (a good home, stable jobs, good incomes, strong marriage) to start a family. But OH just won't talk about it, much less give me any sort of a timeframe.



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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 10:37 AM   8
bartlettpear
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Sometimes I get so annoyed that My hubby hasnt wanted to start trying sooner and I think little evil thoughts, like... Maybe we will wait until I have made HIM wait a long time, too. But I know I could never do that. I am ready NOW. Its so frustrating. But I go back to studying, working, and making lists. It all helps



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 10:53 AM   9
anniepie
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Hey, sorry you're having a tough time... I've been waiting about 3 years so far...and no idea how long I'll need to wait longer. Its been getting harder recently, and more consuming- I think it's partly my age that's making it worse and not really not knowing where I stand...

I did find it helped when I had a chat with OH about a year ago about it all- made him think about it, and put a plan i place (that in 2 years time we'd be TTC)- it felt too long away, but at least it was something to focus on, and at least we had a date. However, this date was dependent on us getting married etc...OH hasn't even proposed yet, so there's no way we;ll be TTC in a year...and he's also said other things that make it obvious he's no way going to be wanting to TTC early next year (or next year at all)...I've tried talking more since, with no joy, so I'm planning on having a big discussion this weekend...

Other than that, I try and focus on other things, but find it hard- buiding up my business, getting the house in order, saving up (I love seeing my savings grow as this is my baby/business-pot!). And BnB has really helped me in the last few months...



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 11:12 AM   10
Twag
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I have been waiting for I guess nearly 5 years, we decided we would wait until we were married before we had babies, so got married Oct-10 and and then TTC date got moved to Aug-11 and now OH has moved TTC date again to Aug-12!!!

It was ok before Oct-10 as I had the wedding to look forward too but now I want our family so really the only thing I find to help me though this waiting period in all honesty is BnB!!



 
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