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Old Mar 17th, 2011, 16:32 PM   1
beccad
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Doeos anyone feel guilty about work and TTC?


I feel like I'm being ridiculous, but I worry about what will happen at work if/when I leave to have a baby. I worry mostly about what they'll think to be honest. I've only been there about 18 months, although that's a reasonable length of time, but I don't want people to think i only got the job so I could have a baby, and get the maternity package, if that makes sense? (It's six months full pay, so very good! I didn't know that when I applied for the job btw.)

Then I feel bad because they've done quite a lot in terms of training me, and I'm 90% certain I won't want to go back after I have a baby But then I think I'm being silly - I've been there 18 months already, and we're not trying for a couple more months, and even if I fell pregnant straight away, it'd be getting on for 2.5 years that i'd have been there.

I think I probably need to start worrying about ME a bit more - I'm 32 next birthday, so not getting any younger!



 
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Old Mar 17th, 2011, 17:03 PM   2
twinklestar25
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hi, i was in my job for about 15 months then went on mat leave, im due back in june. i am a bit worried now though as were planning our 2nd and are hinking of trying earliest sept/oct or christmas to have aprox 2 1/2 yr ish gap. so i wont av bin bk long before getting preg again (hopefully) id prob be there a yr or so before goin on mat leave, so i feel prety bad but then i think well i want a small gap and we only get one chance to get that gap, its not like i can wait another yr and still have the 2 1/2 yr gap lol.

and i dont see that its fair we should wait or hold out/put off having chikldren because of our work! once ive had all the children i want then there wont be anymore gaps in my work, but at the mo im at the age (25) in which im making my family! lol

ill be intrested to see others replys too :-)



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Old Mar 17th, 2011, 17:30 PM   3
MummytoSummer
 
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Hiya, I felt and still feel exactly the same. I was actually already 3 and a half months pregnant when I started my job. I wasn't pregnant when I was interviewed, but in between being interviewed, being offered the job, a 3 month vetting process and then being given a start date I fell pregnant. To say I was terrified to have to tell them is an understatement.

I told my boss on my 4th day there. She couldn't have been nicer though. So supportive. Everyone I worked with was brilliant. As I was already pregnant when I started I wasn't entitled the their mat pay or smp so I didn't feel bad in that sense. You shouldn't either, you've been there long enough and any employer that takes on women of child bearing age must realise that that person may at some stage want to start a family. It's not for you to worry about, it's a fact of life and employers are well aware of it and able to cope.

I was signed off work sick due to my pregnancy at 32 weeks so I'd actually only worked there for 4 months before I left. I'm still on mat leave and go back next month part time. We plan on ttc again in May and I do worry about how they'll react. I fell pregnant right away last time and if it happens again I'll potentially oy have been back a few months when I have to tell them again. This time I'll be entitled to their mat pay (6 months full pay). But I don't plan on returning to work at all after my next baby. I do think that as lovely as they are they'll think I've just used them as a stop gap between pregnancies but it certain wasn't intentional. I was made redundant from my previous job where I'd been for 6 years but we weren't about to put ttc on hold as I was 27 at the time (now 28) and i wanted my children before I turned 30.

It's nice that you worry about your work, you obviously care about their opinions. But don't let it get in the way of your plans. I'm sure they'll be so pleased for you when the time comes. But at the end of the day a job is a just a job, your life though is your future and your happiness - far more important.

X



 
Old Mar 18th, 2011, 09:19 AM   4
beccad
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Most people will be fine I think, although I am a bit worried about my manager's reaction - it's no secret that she didn't want to hire a woman of child-bearing age when they were recruiting to my position, but I ended up there anyway! She wouldn't have been allowed to discriminate like that anyway as it wasn't just her who made the decision about who to hire.

I don't know why I worry so much about her opinion - she's one of the least competent and professional managers I've ever had LOL!



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 09:34 AM   5
snowflakes120
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I am worried about work but in a different kinda sense. I know that the girl I work directly with has some sort of plans to be pregnant as well. I will feel guilty for falling pregnant at or about the same time as her. I will feel like I totally screwed them over. My dept consists of 3 people and if 2 of us are out... But I will not change MY plans and dreams to accomodate work or this co-worker so I whatever will be will be (but I will still feel kinda guilty at the same time)



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 09:46 AM   6
Freakycactus
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I do feel guilty. I currently work at my local pub, so I feel guilty about how much it would cost them, I also do a few different jobs and they've become quite reliant on me as I'm near enough always available to fill in and come over at short notice. If anything happened at the moment they do have someone else who would be able to fill in for most of my shifts, if it happens after she gets another job then they would really struggle.

I agree with what others have said though, I don't want to put my plans on hold for them though. I've wanted to be a mum since I was a little girl, I've never wanted anything else for as long or as much as I want that.



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 10:00 AM   7
beccad
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I think you can't put your life on hold just in case. When you look back in 30 years time, you're not going to remember then names of your current co-workers!



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 10:23 AM   8
bartlettpear
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I think this is something that all working women think about. We ultimately have to do what is right for us. And I agree with you beccad.... its not like we will even remember who we were making mad thirty years ago. We have to make our families and do what is right for us!

I graduate next may and I hope to have a job lined up before then. I also hope to be pregnant before graduation. The outcome? I will knowingly be trying to get pregnant before starting a new job. But I really dont want to wait any longer because I want a large family and I cannot be a career woman and work on making a family! Its so unfair that men dont have to feel these kind of pressures!

On a side note.... 6 month of maternity pay!!! WOW!!!!!



 
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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 12:10 PM   9
LoveCakes
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That seems a reasonable time. I want to wait a year in my new job. Worth checking the details of the maternity pay though, as I have to go back for at least 3 months, or have to pay my matenrity back.



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Old Mar 18th, 2011, 14:34 PM   10
beccad
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bartlettpear View Post
On a side note.... 6 month of maternity pay!!! WOW!!!!!
You actually get to have 12 months off work in the UK - there's a statutory minimum of six weeks at 90% of your salary, then weeks 7-39 you get a basic rate of 120 ish a week (I think), then the remaining weeks aren't paid. The government picks up the tab for all this. My employer tops up the first six months of my leave to my full pay, presumably in an attempt to retain staff. The leave starts from when you leave work, not from when you have the baby, although the two dates may be the same! You also get to keep all your paid annual leave, so you can add this on top of your leave, giving you about 13 months off in total if you want it, and can afford to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveCakes View Post
That seems a reasonable time. I want to wait a year in my new job. Worth checking the details of the maternity pay though, as I have to go back for at least 3 months, or have to pay my matenrity back.
I have scoured the maternity policy from cover to cover a number of times, and it doesn't say anything about having to go back, but I will double-check this with HR first!



 
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