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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 14:52 PM   1
Jess137
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Anyone else worried about parent's reaction if/when you get pregnant?


I am worried about my parents reaction. We are TTC starting June 1. Every time I so much as mention a baby or anything that has to do with babies, my family says things like "slow down", "not so fast", and "you have plenty of time". Yesterday my brother told me I should wait 5 more years! That's crazy! I know that it is not up to them but I have always been so afraid of disappointing my family. DH's family on the other hand cannot wait for us to have kids. Basically everyone I know except for my immediate family keeps asking when we are going to have a baby and telling us that we need one. Has anyone else dealt with this, or had a baby and had bad reactions from their family? I am hoping that if I don't tell them we are TTC, once I am pg they will get over it and just be happy.



 
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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 14:57 PM   2
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This sound like mine! My OH's mum wants us to hurry up (but on the other hand doesnt want to be a nan so young), my dad wants a grandson as other 2 are both girls and my brother and sister wont be having anymore, mum doesnt really say much but will talk about baby stuff with me. On th other hand.. i am dreading telling my brother and sister and nan! They will murder me! haha



 
Old Mar 20th, 2011, 15:09 PM   3
Shabutie
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Hi Jess, i'm Jess too!

I was worried about disappointing my family, as I had already left uni, due to a miscarrage, so I was already there in a way. When we told my family, they were a bit unsure to begin with, as I was still suffering with depression, from the miscarriage, at the time. Within weeks they warmed to it, and they were all excited, just worried the depression would reaccure.

OH's family were nasty. His parents told us we were making a mistake, and they really didnt acknowledge the pregnancy and baby until she was born. Well 8 days after she was born. OH's nan told him I shouldn't be having children as I had a miscarriage, so something must be medically wrong with me, and that I only got pregnant to trap him into marrying me sooner!! OH's dad said he was making a mistake by staying, and marrying, me and that I'll eventually make him unhappy. They are all horrible, and never have been accepting of us, so I guess it was no suprise.

We are WTT for #2 in july this year, and no one knows, although Im dying to tell a few friends. I am worried what my family will say as they know that I am trying to loose weight ( and I do ahve alot to lose) and Amara wont even be a year old. God only knows what OH's family will say. But then it has nothing to do with them. We live in our own house (rented) and dont rely on either set of parents. I drive, and OH has a great job in the RFA. We dont plan on telling them until I'm around 12-16 weeks pregnant, as then it's a 3rd of the way through, and it wont feel so long.

If you and your Oh feel ready for a baby then go for it. Dont listen to what others have to say, and trying to please people. Trust me, you'll get no where doing this. I know some newly married couples like to have a couple years of married life together without children, and some jump straight into it.

Planning a baby is an exciting time, and dont let anyone make it anything less.




 
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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 15:10 PM   4
odd_socks
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Im not worried about what my parents think, infact if anything they want us to starting trying sooner rather than later but its my OHs parents im not sure what there reaction would be as my OH is younger than me



 
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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 15:11 PM   5
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I'm worried about my dad's reaction cuz in all my pregnancies I get really sick in the first trimester and I end up hospitalized. Plus he worries about money issues and things like that. But my mom would be ok with it. She knows we're trying. My bro, I dunno how he would react but honestly, I'm married and I have 3 kids already so, what can they really say?



 
Old Mar 20th, 2011, 15:14 PM   6
beccad
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I think you have to not worry too much what other people are going to think. As i've said in another thread, you're adults and don't need permission from your parents to carry on with your adult lives.

You have to do what is right for you.



 
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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 15:19 PM   7
Jess137
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shabutie View Post
Hi Jess, i'm Jess too!

I was worried about disappointing my family, as I had already left uni, due to a miscarrage, so I was already there in a way. When we told my family, they were a bit unsure to begin with, as I was still suffering with depression, from the miscarriage, at the time. Within weeks they warmed to it, and they were all excited, just worried the depression would reaccure.

OH's family were nasty. His parents told us we were making a mistake, and they really didnt acknowledge the pregnancy and baby until she was born. Well 8 days after she was born. OH's nan told him I shouldn't be having children as I had a miscarriage, so something must be medically wrong with me, and that I only got pregnant to trap him into marrying me sooner!! OH's dad said he was making a mistake by staying, and marrying, me and that I'll eventually make him unhappy. They are all horrible, and never have been accepting of us, so I guess it was no suprise.

We are WTT for #2 in july this year, and no one knows, although Im dying to tell a few friends. I am worried what my family will say as they know that I am trying to loose weight ( and I do ahve alot to lose) and Amara wont even be a year old. God only knows what OH's family will say. But then it has nothing to do with them. We live in our own house (rented) and dont rely on either set of parents. I drive, and OH has a great job in the RFA. We dont plan on telling them until I'm around 12-16 weeks pregnant, as then it's a 3rd of the way through, and it wont feel so long.

If you and your Oh feel ready for a baby then go for it. Dont listen to what others have to say, and trying to please people. Trust me, you'll get no where doing this. I know some newly married couples like to have a couple years of married life together without children, and some jump straight into it.

Planning a baby is an exciting time, and dont let anyone make it anything less.

Thanks everyone! And I am really lucky that DH's family is great and they have considered me part of the family years before we even got married. So there isn't an issue there luckily. We support ourselves and feel that we can raise a baby. I think we just have to go for it and worry about my family afterward. It's not like they can do anything about it after I'm pg anyway! I think my mom's issue is that she still thinks of me as one of her babies since she only had myself and my little brother (even though I'm 23).



 
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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 15:29 PM   8
Shabutie
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Yeah it could be that. I'm certain OH's mum and family didnt warm to it was because she only has two children, and Paul is the oldest, and she has trouble letting him 'go' and grow up. But this shows itself in all aspects not just baby making.

OH;s family adore Amara now, and I think they slightly regret the way they treated us. I know they only talk to me properly now, as they feel I wont let them see Amara otherwise. Which isnt the case, but I dont think you should be fake just to get what you want.

So if it's your own family your worried about, then I'm sure all will fall into place no time.




 
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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 15:47 PM   9
MissKM
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im terrified of telling my family im ttc/wtt cause i know they would want me to wait.
but i feel a bit better about actually telling them im already pregnant, cause i think they would be happy enough not to really care (well i hope)

i know how you feel about not wanting to disappoint your family, i feel the same, but ive been to uni, and if all goes well ill be finished in may and will pass so i think ill have at least made them proud in that way. as for OH's family i dont think their that bothered either way xx



 
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Old Mar 20th, 2011, 16:15 PM   10
Freakycactus
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I just tried to post but something went wrong, so I'm apologising now just in case it appears!

I'm terrified of telling my family, I know they won't approve, they'll be happy enough at the prospect of a new baby but not with our current circumstances. Which is a fair comment, but we've been waiting until our circumstances improve for a couple of years already and things haven't got any better, in a lot of ways they've got worse. So now we've decided to go with our hearts, I've come off BCP (4 days ago) and we're NTNP.

One of my cousin's has 4 boys, the first at 17 with someone she didn't know very well, they're now married and their boys are lovely. The family have come around with time so it will be the same with us.

OH's family aren't an issue as we don't have much contact with them, I think they'll just be pleased that there'll be a baby.



 
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