The WTT honey nut loops thread (formerly a mental health rant)

So recently my mental health and stability has been deterioating (sp?). I am finding being alone difficult, which i used to a few years back. I have Asperger Syndrome, depression, OCD, and anxiety, and an undiagnosed mood disorder. I am getting really worried about myself and feel like having a decent life (e.g: own house, marriage and children) will never happen. I am also finding it so hard to accept that I now have to wait a long time... For my own safety and the future child(s).
I know I am being sensible and because of new medication I may be put on I may have to wait a very long time due to problems it can cause in pregnancy and birth... but I keep thinking that conceiving now is the answer - and so does my OH sometimes, but I am so scared of doing something wrong if it did happen. I tried to NTNP recently but I freaked out at the last minute, scared because I knew I could mess things up big time in every aspect of my life, providing I became pregnant.

I feel like I am fighting to separate opinions in my head about this - the spontanious (sp?) side that just wants to satisfy my every broody need, and the more realistic telling me it's better in the long run to sit tight.

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Hi Born This Way. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm on a mental health journey of my own, different to yours of course, but I do sympathise. I'm coming off some medication now that I've been on for a long time, because I want to know I can stay off it long enough to also get through a pregnancy, but I'm doing it kinda secretly in some ways because I know some people in my life just feel that I should be on it forever (like my workplace!)

I applaud you for caring more about your unborn child's needs than your own, and I wouldn't disagree that those of us with mental health issues have a responsibility to consider the potential impact on our future children. But on the other hand, there is a lot of bad parenting out there from people who have never been diagnosed with any kind of mental health issue, and having some mhi's can make you more reflective and responsible, I think, as well as giving you access to some supportive communities and resources.

Are you getting any support for your depression, OCD, anxiety or mood disorder? I don't know what your financial situation is but I can't recommend private psychotherapy enough, it really helped me anyway. I was diagnosed with Personality Disorder, Recurrent Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder and have spent a short period in a psychiatric ward, having been 'different' since I was very small, and I have often worried I might never be 'allowed' to have children, but this spurred me on to greater personal responsibility such as saving for private therapy and sticking with it, journaling, learning meditation and yoga, trying new meds and so on. I've been pretty stable for a year now and am hoping to start trying for a baby next September. My family have gone from saying 'leave it a few more years' to 'don't leave it too long' so I know they recognise the change in me. I will always be prone to poor mental health, but I also know now how to recognise when I am getting bad and to start using methods of addressing it. I know that my mhi history will make me a better, rather than worse, mother than I would otherwise have been.

I'm not trying to turn this into talking about myself, I just want to give you some hope and empathy. I'm not saying rush into pregnancy, but the fact you are thinking about the conflict between feeling broody and feeling the urge to wait until you are more stable shows that you are perfectly capable of being a loving, thoughtful, responsible parent.

I hope you can get the support you deserve to help you feel more stable and sure of what the right thing is for you and your (future) family. I'd be very happy to talk more about this. I've been through the NHS wringer as well as the private one many times!

It is an amazing thing to do to think about your unborn child before you think about what you want, and I know it's difficult, but having a baby is insanely hard, even a perfectly healthy, normal child.

A good friend of mine had recovered from her mental health problems when she had her baby who was a very poorly baby with silent reflux and allergies to milk and soya and other things, so she screamed and cried constantly, as well as being very premature. The stress of my friend has pushed her close to the edge and she says she is thankful every day that she waited until she knew she had a better chance of handling the stress of being a mother to a poorly child.

I'm not trying to put you off, what I mean is I think waiting is probably the right thing to do. Although yes, there are a lot of parents who are unprepared and become terrible parents and others who suffered terribly with their mental health and having a baby has actually pushed them into recovery - that has happened for another friend of mine, but her baby was an accident.

If you're planning things, maybe it's better to wait until you know you are more able to give yourself a marginally stable life, because it's your life that will be turned upside down by having a baby, and it's you who will be looking after that child the majority of the time.

For me, as desperate as I was to TTC asap with my ex, I did also know that until I was able to be stable it would be stupid to become pregnant intentionally. Accidents are a whole other kettle of fish! But actively trying without stabillity, for me, would've been the wrong thing to do.

I think it's amazing that you can admit that you have these so-called-problems (because so many people with these conditions go on to live problem-free lives!), and I'm sure that soon you will be able to TTC and have a safe, happy pregnancy and be a fantabulous mama

There are so many like you and you are not alone! We would try now but I need to cut out my citalopram so slowly or I get bad withdrawal. I'm aiming to be off it for June but, like you, I'm scared to be off it.

When the time comes and your med free just think of the confidence you'll have. The time will be right and your desire for a baby will keep you strong. I know you think a baby would make it all fine but it really won't as something else will crop along.
Make sure you have an awesome support network and that everyone encourages you (here is an awesome start!). Wait till your put of a limbo feeling and give yourself some goals. You could aim for a date where you start planning to cut down? Making sudden decisions is a bad move. Make a plan and the you'll have a focus. There are some meds you can take during pregnancy so don't get disheartened.

You're going to be an awesome mama but you need to make sure you're mentally in the right frame of mind and conceiving for all the right reasons.

Much love n hugs. It will get better and it will make sense!

Originally Posted by NurseSooz

There are so many like you and you are not alone! We would try now but I need to cut out my citalopram so slowly or I get bad withdrawal. I'm aiming to be off it for June but, like you, I'm scared to be off it.

I've cut down my Citalopram from 40mg since September (been on SSRIs for 15 years, eek!) and am now on 20mg, I'm going to try to get down to 10mg for December. My moods were really disrupted for the first month but now I feel the same as I did on 40mg, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can have a SSRI free year next year and start TTC. The brain zaps are the worst bit for me


Wish me luck! And loads of luck to you in your withdrawal plan too xxxxx

I've just spotted your ticker, Born This Way, so happy birthday (almost)! Its great to see from your age that you should still have many many fertile years ahead, if you do decide to wait until you are feeling more sorted and happy. From my point of view, total dedication to my mental health is the only thing that worked, and I am so happy now to be able to look forward to motherhood rather than half want it and half dread it 'in case'; I hope and do believe you can get to the same place. Look after yourself, honey. xxx

Aurora, I'm so proud of you! I'm alternating 10 and 20mg just now! Well done you! What are brain zaps cos I think I may be about to hug you virtually as I've been freaking out about withdrawal symptoms!?

We may all be slightly crazy but we'll be great mamas!!

Can I just say, thank you so much for your posts. I thought I was almost completely alone with this kind of issue and WTT, but I'm so glad others can kind of get what I am saying. I agree with you all, I think waiting for at least a while longer is the most sensible option - and I am coming up with ideas and goals very soon that are hopefully relatively realistic (will be discussing them with OH and family on separate occasions throughout the weekend), thank you everyone so so much

EDIT: and thank you for the age comment, yes I will be 20 tomorrow... will be nice to be in a new bracket of age haha! No longer a teen... wow.

Aurora what are the brain zaps you get as I've been getting weird headaches. Ouchy =(

Hi hunny. I have been diagnosed with three mental disorders. I take meds daily. I voiced my concerns with my gyno and he assured me that everything would be ok, they would work very closely with me and make sure everything is worked out. My advise would be to talk at length with your dr and they should be able to help you make the decision and if it is to proceed then help you make sure everything everything is as safe as possible