Hi All, Im new on here have been recommended by a friend who I recently found out was feeling just like I was. Its been great to have someone to talk to and being on here reading a few things already this morning i know its going to be the main source of help i need!!
Let me explain my story to you. Back in 2008 I drunkly slept with a guy at a party and got pregnant. At that time in my life i was not in the right frame of mind to have a child so both the guy and i decided to terminate the pregnancy. Neither of us knew we would end up still being together and married now!! It was the right decision for us both we know that. our baby would have been due in Aug 09 and a few months after the temination i found out my step sister was pregnant and due in Oct 09. I was gutted. My dad kept saying he was going to be a grandad and that was killing me inside. upon meeting my "nephew" i felt empty, lost, and gutted my baby would have been due first! and my dad should have been cuddling and telling everyone about my baby first!! I was consumed with jealousy and felt alot of hate towards my dad and step family. I never told my Dad about my pregnancy but sometimes i wish i had.
As our relationship grew stronger we realised we wanted to spend our lives together and have a family of our own. We wanted to go about things the right way get married have a nice home and good jobs first so that is what we have achieved!! We have finally discussed to TTC at the end of this year ready for a baby in 2013. I have planned so much to keep me busy this year because the desperation to refill the whole thats missing in my life is unbarable!! My OH is feeling exactly the same, but its on hold until next year so we have both lived life a bit more.
But my Step Sister has just announced shes pregnant again........and i dont know how to deal with it!!! :'(
First, welcome to BnB!
Second, I am so sorry for your loss. I can honestly understand the feelings you went through after learning your sister was pregnant... the jealousy. But, one thing you have to keep in mind is that you should be having a baby for YOU, and not because you wanted to be first in the family to give grandchildren. You really need to wholeheartedly understand that. In the end, grandparents don't care which grandbaby came first. They are tickled to death to learn they're having another grandbaby, and another, and so on.
Pregnancy jealousy is common. I too dealt with it when TTC for my first, as I had some limiting fertility issues and it seemed everyone else around me was getting pregnant, and I wasn't. When I finally became pregnant, and other people became pregnant after me, I still got jealous. I guess I assumed that these people got pregnant on their first try (or not trying at all), but that's hardly ever the case!! So I had to learn for myself, and for my sanity, that I should be nothing but happy that people are adding to their families.
So, while you guys are waiting to TTC, so you can live life until then... what exactly are you wanting to accomplish before TTC? And PS -- I will say that for me, life didn't stop when we got pregnant and had our baby. Surprisingly it pretty much kept on as normal, and now I have an even better excuse to visit the zoos and aquariums lol (before, I was always told that those places are for kids, not grownups! lol).
Welcome - you will find this place great reassurance that others feel exactly the same way you do for example me :-)
I have two nephews from my younger sister. Each time she has announced she is pregnant I have not been happy about it both due to the jelousy it isn't me and also her personal circumstances not being ideal to raise a LO. She gets married in December and has made it clear that she wants to have a 3rd baby, my husband and I are currently NTNP and although I want a relaxed conception I desperately want to have my first baby before she has her third. (I know I'm a spoilt brat)
I also have friends who got married at a similar time to me, one got pregnant straight away after her wedding and the other I'm sure will be announcing imminently & I'm consumed with jelousy that it's not me just yet!
I know alot of the advice on here will be you have a baby when the time is right for you and your family & I whole heartedly agree with that & finally after a long wait me & my husband are ready to start that amazing journey. But I wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same and hopefully that should provide you with some reassurance. (I bet we're not on our own either) x
Thanks for the msgs, sideways, its not the fact I wanted it to be me first it's the reaction I saw in my dad that broke my heart. I didn't want to give up on what I had even though I no it was the right thing to do. I was not stable enough then but I've built my life up now and am so ready to give all of my life to another little person. We have a few things to do before TTC visiting my mum in new Zealand is top of the list. Paying off all our debts (which is just 1 credit card away from completion) that's all that's left to do. Got a few trips planned this year. People say that having a baby loses social life, but we gave that up along time ago!! I defo think your life doesn't have to stop! And the sounds of zoos and Aquariams makes it all more appealing to me!!
M3LL!! It just seems like everywhere you look! Read! Or go there is a baby or something to do with babies!! An I can imagine your jealousy if you want so bad but everyone else is getting in there first! So your TTC now?? That's so exciting! Now I'm jealous of u!! Haha. But now is not the time!! I need to keep telling myself that xx
Welcome to the board, this is the greatest place to wttc!! It's incredibly painful but these ladies take the edge off, for sure!
You'll find you're not alone in your situation, there are so many of us someone is bound to be in a similar situation! I think you guys are going about wttc is a mature and responsible way, but that doesn't mean it isn't super hard to do it that way! My (older, mature, responsible) SIL is currently ttc and at this point when she calls me or my OH I immediately start putting up those walls to prevent the pain of her prego announcement from leaking out! She has yet to announce it, but it's just a matter of time.
For me, dealing w/ her impending positive, I just get on here and let it out. I won't be judged or hurt by anything anyone says on here.. my favorite part? No one is allowed to announce BFPs on this part of the site!!
Anyway, welcome! I'm from the US, we're waiting until November (hopefully, but our date may be pushed back due to insurance) and I'm glad you're here!
Thanks for sharing your story -- a lot of us I am sure have a history of an unplanned pregnancy that we weren't ready for. I myself had a termination the day after my 18th birthday. It was incredibly hard and I experienced some serious struggle afterwards, but now I am finally as ready as I wish I had been then!
You and your husband sound incredibly mature and ready! In the year while I was WTT I made a "crib list" (like a bucket list) of things to do before I got preggo (eat a ton of sushi, weekend getaways, accept every invite to a night out, etc). It really helped the time go by, and DH and I actually moved UP our TTC date because despite all the fun we had, we both still wished we were just at home together snuggling with a baby and our dog!
Oooh a trip to New Zealand would be awesome. That is probably something that you would have to put off at least a few years if you got pregnant... kind of hard to do with a baby in tow! And congratulations on your debt reduction! That is fantastic. We need to work on the same thing.
I have just cried a few tears and for the first time they were happy ones!! Hearing other peoples stories makes me realise I am not alone!! Thanks for the idea of a cribs list! Im will def be doing that 1!! I feel like I've lifted a weight by letting it out and I thank you all for the kind words and I'll look forward to spending my waiting time with you! Xx
Welcome to WTT and BnB! I hope you have a speedy wait here. Personally, I found the best way to pass the time is to keep myself busy so I think you're on the right track there. I look forward to seeing you around!
Welcome to wtt, you are certainly not alone and have been very brave to share your story. I feel like this forum is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes because everyone is in the same boat and understands that feeling of desperately wanting a baby. You can rant and let off steam on here when others in your life off line may not understand. Keeping yourself busy is a good idea to help take your mind off babies too! Xx
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