We have two separate homes to pay for and live separately (though we probably spend more time together than most married couples who live together!) However, we have agreed to stop over-thinking things as we have what matters to us in place - a solid, loving relationship and family environment, a small amount of savings, both have jobs and roofs over our heads!
If we all waited till things were 'perfect' there wouldn't be many babies being born!
Find work then have a baby. It is irreponsible to have a baby you can't afford, but it is not irresponsible to work and have a baby, millions of women do it, it does not 'damage' the child it can set them a good example and my son for one LOVES his day care system. I am proud that I go out and provide for him as well as my husband and do not see it as an 'evil' lesser or better than being at home struggling.
MindUtopia, do the U.S. labor laws apply to you there? According to U.S. law, if you've worked for a company more than 12 months they OWE you maternity leave.
I find it extremely disturbing just how many employers are cutting back on medical benefits and maternity leave options. They hold all the aces in the economy right now and they're taking full advantage. Makes me quite angry.
Unfortunately not, U.S employers are required to give you maternity leave, but I think it is 6 weeks and it's unpaid (unless you work for like Google or something and get 6 months paid). And I happen to be a doctoral researcher, which means though I have a full-time job and salary, I'm technically classified as a student instead of an employee because at the end of my research contract, I get a degree. Which is a nice way for the university to skirt any sort of labor laws! lol
I also don't get paid time off or sick days. But I can take off whenever and as much as I want as long as I still meet all my work obligations by the end of each year. It's sorta like being a freelancer (albeit with a poverty level income). But my husband has a decent job and we live very simply, so it's never too hard. And it means I can take off as much time as I want as long as I work extra after my "maternity leave" to meet my targets for the year. So it works and the flexibility is worth it and means I don't have to leave my child when I do go back to work after a couple months (though I'll be having to work extra hours and sleep even less) because I can work from home.
It's a fair trade-off I think, and it's one of the reasons we aren't waiting. I could wait another 4 years when I would be able to apply for a different position that would pay about 40K more than I make now, but I wouldn't be able to be at home and I'd have to work lots of nights and weekends then too. Plus then I'd have to pay for full-time child care. But quality of life is the most important thing for us. I'd rather forgo expensive baby clothes and nursery furniture, if it means I have the time and flexibility to be around instead of only seeing my child an hour a day. I think you just sorta have to balance it all out and decide what you need in life and what you "want" and what's most important and trust that it will all work out.
Though, I'm not gonna lie, I look at my UK friends and their 6-12 month paid maternity leave, and I do feel a little jealous!
We had unforeseen financial difficulties whilst I was pregnant and it got to a point where we had to move in with family. That moment was the most demoralising moment I've ever had. It was only for 3 months but it was so stressful that I had tachycardia during pregnancy. I'd say, aslong as all the bills can be paid then I'd might consider having a baby but I couldn't go through of the stress of that again. I'd try my best to find a job even if it is a few hours, it is atleast something.
hello im from the east coast where abouts are you from?
i work from home is there something you could do from home to get extra suport income in the house?
my husband is a builder and makes great money so i am able to stay home and i have a ebay store where i make very good money also
before i was married i worked full time and then started my ebay store
i can see why you would want income does your hubby have a good job? then i say go for it
if you have doubts give yourself more time 34 is not old hun you will know the best for you and your hubby
im 28 i waited till i was 26 to marry and 27 when i got pregnant im glad i waited we as a couple did everything together 11 years just me and him and i truly love my husband as long as you two are happy i wish you two the best
there is really never the right time to start a family something always comes up or changes!
There is no best time for a baby, something always comes up....but then the reverse of that is then any time is going to be an okay time for a baby...since something always comes up anyway.
I'd say try to find a job, even if its a menial part time min wage job or something...at least you have that extra income...pay off a few of the larger bills/debts or whatever and re-evaluate every few months if you think you could manage. That way you don't have the burden of being like "well I cant have a baby until all debts are paid" and never get there but at the same time it's not like "if I have this baby now we'll be in the poor house at the end of the year." But for sure try to at least get a job now so that when you get pregnant you dont have to find one since most employers would hate to hire a pregnant lady even though its against the law to discriminate about that.
I'm sure this has already been said, but personally if I were in your position, I'd get a job, even if it were just a temp job for the time being to save up money and pay for the larger investments the baby will, such as a crib, clothes, diapers, etc. Could you maybe talk to your DH about putting off any projects after he finishes the kitchen until you have your child and have caught up with all the bills? The birth of your child is probably going to be the most costly, especially if you are in the U.S. and you have your baby in a hospital, prices for the hospital stay can be up in the thousands!
I think there was a point made in this thread about the shear ridiculousness of the absence of paid maternity leave in our developed societies. It makes me so angry that women are forced to choose between jobs and motherhood! Women should work (hell, we're a lot better than most men at most things!) and should be mothers too!!!
would find a job and then start trying soon after. That way, you'll have some income while you are pregnant to buy baby things. It will take the pressure off a little! And just work for as long as you can into the pregnancy. Good luck!
Any opinions, advice, statements or other information expressed or made available on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com by users or third parties, including but not limited to bloggers, are solely those of the respective user or other third party. They do not reflect the opinions of BabyandBump.Momtastic.com and they have not been reviewed by a physician, psychologist or parenting expert or any member of the BabyandBump.Momtastic.com staff for accuracy, balance or objectivity. Content and other information presented on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com are not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical or mental health advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com. BabyandBump.Momtastic.com does not endorse any opinion, advice, statement, product, service or treatment made available on the website. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.