I want to become a sahm!!!!!

Felix26 · Apr 11th, 2012, 06:27 AM

Ahhh i have such a strong feeling to become a stay at home mum when/if i get pregnant when we start ttc in January. I want to have all the perks of staying at home to bring up my little one, and i already have a strong nesting urge (though i'm not pregnant) and want to cook for my oh, and keep my home clean and lovely. I feel a tad old-fashioned, but its what i want to do.

When i have a little one, I want to engage in all the activities, like mother and toddler groups, home crafts, and more and more as they grow up... then add another 2/3 or 4 bambinos....

I am worried that we wont be able to achieve it financially though. That's my main concern with wanting to be a sahm? Is there anyone in this situation who can offer advice please?

Aaaaaaaaaaaa today i feel sooooo broody. I'm guessing its not just me....

k8y · Apr 11th, 2012, 06:43 AM

All I can suggest is to cut right back now. Really budget your cash, give yourself and OH pocket money to buy stuff during the week and once its gone its gone, If you want to go out for lunch you will have to save your pocket money together and use that to pay. Plan your meals for the wee so you can but exactly what you need and no more. Set a food budget and stick to it. um... If your bills are paid annually like insurance etc, make a separate pot in your account and do a direct debit each month so you don't get big bill you cant pay. By doing this you can start saving now so you have an emergency fund for when you don't work and it wont be a big shock when your not working anymore. Try and survive on just your OH's wages now and put yours away for saving.

Felix26 · Apr 11th, 2012, 09:00 AM

We are already on a tight budget and sticking to food/petrol money/pocket money budget. We are paying off alot of bills at the moment which are quite hefty and when they r clear we will be able to start saving (from about july this year) so i need to look over finances, but i'm hoping its going to be possible.

I Love Lucy · Apr 11th, 2012, 09:47 AM

OH and I were both adamant about one of us being a SAHP and since OH makes far more money than I would, I get to be the SAHM. What helped us is writing out all our bills and other expenses each month so we knew exactly how much was going out and what was left over. OH also has a savings account that money from his check is automatically deposited in. If you don't have something like that you could start one and deposit a small amount of money each week there rather then buying something you don't need (my OH has a problem with doing this so I'm glad savings are taken from his check right away). Having a visual kind of puts things into perspective on whether or not being a SAHP is a reality. For us, since this was such a big deal we probably would have continued waiting if we weren't in a financial position for one of us to stay home (and we have waited 2 years so far for this reason) so this may be something you have to consider if being a SAHM is very important to you.

lozzy21 · Apr 11th, 2012, 09:53 AM

Some days I want to be a SAHM but then others I'm glad to go to work! I work part time, 3 days a week and feel I have the best of both worlds. I get to spend time with my daughter and get to go to work and still be me.

I'm a big belever in quality not quantity. You could spend 24/7 with your child and it be meaningless time.

I also couldent afford not to work, OH earns too much to get a decent amount of tax credits but not enough for me not to work.

MarineWAG · Apr 11th, 2012, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lozzy21

Some days I want to be a SAHM but then others I'm glad to go to work! I work part time, 3 days a week and feel I have the best of both worlds. I get to spend time with my daughter and get to go to work and still be me.

I'm a big belever in quality not quantity. You could spend 24/7 with your child and it be meaningless time.

I also couldent afford not to work, OH earns too much to get a decent amount of tax credits but not enough for me not to work.

Snap with everything you said.

To the OP- I'm assuming you work now? If so I would just make sure you are saving up as much as possible, don't tell work you're planning on leaving when you get pregnant (that is your right) and see how you go on maternity, you may love it like you say, or you may be like me and actually find it much harder work than you imagine in which case you'll be glad to still have your options open with work. I have been a SAHM for a bit and a working mum, I personally prefer being a working mum for lots of reasons, finances being one of them. When we move to London I am hoping to find a decent enough paid part time job instead as I am full time now because like Lozzy I think it would be the best of both worlds.

caleblake · Apr 11th, 2012, 11:59 AM

Im a SAHM, I worked all my days until i fell pregnant with my first and like you i knew i wanted to be at home and raise a family. There are many reasons for my choice and i love it. money is so tight as we litterally cut our income in half. We paid alot to our mortgage to make our payments reduced, we cut out one car. dh got a scooter instead as the tax is £15 a year and the insurance £76 a year and his petrol has gone for £40 a week to £7. we have no cc, catalouges. i buy and sell on ebay all the time. we have freeview and capped mobiles at £20 a month. we rarely eat takeaways or go out for dinner. we do weekly meal planners based on the offers thats on at aldi for the week ahead. its tough but we also manage to save £40 a week by doing this so our kids still get holidays and activities. good luck its tough but worth it xxx

younglove · Apr 11th, 2012, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarineWAG

Quote:

Originally Posted by lozzy21

Some days I want to be a SAHM but then others I'm glad to go to work! I work part time, 3 days a week and feel I have the best of both worlds. I get to spend time with my daughter and get to go to work and still be me.

I'm a big belever in quality not quantity. You could spend 24/7 with your child and it be meaningless time.

I also couldent afford not to work, OH earns too much to get a decent amount of tax credits but not enough for me not to work.

Snap with everything you said.

To the OP- I'm assuming you work now? If so I would just make sure you are saving up as much as possible, don't tell work you're planning on leaving when you get pregnant (that is your right) and see how you go on maternity, you may love it like you say, or you may be like me and actually find it much harder work than you imagine in which case you'll be glad to still have your options open with work. I have been a SAHM for a bit and a working mum, I personally prefer being a working mum for lots of reasons, finances being one of them. When we move to London I am hoping to find a decent enough paid part time job instead as I am full time now because like Lozzy I think it would be the best of both worlds.

Thank you Lozzy and MarineWAG for your posts.

I currently make more money than DH but have always dreamt of being a SAHM. DH and I are 24 and have been together +7 years now. We're hoping to start our family in ~2-3 years, but unless DH miraculously gets a very high-paying job it would probably not be possible for me to stay home full-time. I also would hate to give up my well-paying job/career when I know it will help us provide for our little ones down the road. We're thinking we could manage if I cut my hours down to two days per week. We're currently saving and paying off our mortgage and student loans as much as possible so that this will hopefully soon be a reality.

It is nice to know that some moms have managed and/or actually perfer working at least part-time. I think working part-time will give us the best of both world: time home with our LOs AND the ability financially provide for them in the future. I think getting out of the house to work would help me retain my identity and independence.

Thank you ladies for your insightful perspective

lozzy21 · Apr 11th, 2012, 13:14 PM

I love my daughter to bits but I feel working makes me a better mother. Being at home all day with a LO is hard, there is no adult conversation and your brains start to turn to mush. You can go to baby groups but if your not talking to your child your talking about your child and it's all very competitive . Working allows me to talk to people about something other than in the night garden or when daddy's coming home. Those three days a week at work save my sanity.

Starting next week she will spend one day in childcare and my other two shifts will be on OH's days off, so she gets to spend time alone with Daddy. She gets to bond with dad and he gets to realise how hard it is looking after a child

MarineWAG · Apr 11th, 2012, 14:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lozzy21

I love my daughter to bits but I feel working makes me a better mother. Being at home all day with a LO is hard, there is no adult conversation and your brains start to turn to mush. You can go to baby groups but if your not talking to your child your talking about your child and it's all very competitive . Working allows me to talk to people about something other than in the night garden or when daddy's coming home. Those three days a week at work save my sanity.

Starting next week she will spend one day in childcare and my other two shifts will be on OH's days off, so she gets to spend time alone with Daddy. She gets to bond with dad and he gets to realise how hard it is looking after a child

Yeah I'm the same, lots of mums love being at home and always think of really creative and amazing things to do but I'm rubbish at that and wouldn't have the energy to do it everyday. I think one of the reasons I found it so tough also was that when I was on maternity my husband was working away so I didn't even have adult conversation at night! I may be a SAHM for a little while when we move but I will put LO in daycare for at least one day, he LOVES it and I think it's good for him. Like you I think work makes me a better mum, when I have time off I make an effort to do all sorts with LO, but when I was home everyday I found it very draining and we were both bored- that's just me though I know most SAHM don't feel like that, I sometimes worry I'm just weird and maybe not a very good mum, but then I get over it and know I am a good mum, just different maybe.

Apr 11th, 2012, 06:27 AM	#1
Felix26 Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South Wales Posts: 331	I want to become a sahm!!!!! Ahhh i have such a strong feeling to become a stay at home mum when/if i get pregnant when we start ttc in January. I want to have all the perks of staying at home to bring up my little one, and i already have a strong nesting urge (though i'm not pregnant) and want to cook for my oh, and keep my home clean and lovely. I feel a tad old-fashioned, but its what i want to do. When i have a little one, I want to engage in all the activities, like mother and toddler groups, home crafts, and more and more as they grow up... then add another 2/3 or 4 bambinos.... I am worried that we wont be able to achieve it financially though. That's my main concern with wanting to be a sahm? Is there anyone in this situation who can offer advice please? Aaaaaaaaaaaa today i feel sooooo broody. I'm guessing its not just me....

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 06:43 AM	#2
k8y Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,293	All I can suggest is to cut right back now. Really budget your cash, give yourself and OH pocket money to buy stuff during the week and once its gone its gone, If you want to go out for lunch you will have to save your pocket money together and use that to pay. Plan your meals for the wee so you can but exactly what you need and no more. Set a food budget and stick to it. um... If your bills are paid annually like insurance etc, make a separate pot in your account and do a direct debit each month so you don't get big bill you cant pay. By doing this you can start saving now so you have an emergency fund for when you don't work and it wont be a big shock when your not working anymore. Try and survive on just your OH's wages now and put yours away for saving.

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 09:00 AM	#3
Felix26 Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: South Wales Posts: 331	We are already on a tight budget and sticking to food/petrol money/pocket money budget. We are paying off alot of bills at the moment which are quite hefty and when they r clear we will be able to start saving (from about july this year) so i need to look over finances, but i'm hoping its going to be possible.

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 09:47 AM	#4
I Love Lucy Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Illinois, USA Posts: 6,493	OH and I were both adamant about one of us being a SAHP and since OH makes far more money than I would, I get to be the SAHM. What helped us is writing out all our bills and other expenses each month so we knew exactly how much was going out and what was left over. OH also has a savings account that money from his check is automatically deposited in. If you don't have something like that you could start one and deposit a small amount of money each week there rather then buying something you don't need (my OH has a problem with doing this so I'm glad savings are taken from his check right away). Having a visual kind of puts things into perspective on whether or not being a SAHP is a reality. For us, since this was such a big deal we probably would have continued waiting if we weren't in a financial position for one of us to stay home (and we have waited 2 years so far for this reason) so this may be something you have to consider if being a SAHM is very important to you.

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 09:53 AM	#5
lozzy21 Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Teesside, Posts: 23,583	Some days I want to be a SAHM but then others I'm glad to go to work! I work part time, 3 days a week and feel I have the best of both worlds. I get to spend time with my daughter and get to go to work and still be me. I'm a big belever in quality not quantity. You could spend 24/7 with your child and it be meaningless time. I also couldent afford not to work, OH earns too much to get a decent amount of tax credits but not enough for me not to work.

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 11:59 AM	#7
caleblake Other BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: scotland Posts: 4,097	Im a SAHM, I worked all my days until i fell pregnant with my first and like you i knew i wanted to be at home and raise a family. There are many reasons for my choice and i love it. money is so tight as we litterally cut our income in half. We paid alot to our mortgage to make our payments reduced, we cut out one car. dh got a scooter instead as the tax is £15 a year and the insurance £76 a year and his petrol has gone for £40 a week to £7. we have no cc, catalouges. i buy and sell on ebay all the time. we have freeview and capped mobiles at £20 a month. we rarely eat takeaways or go out for dinner. we do weekly meal planners based on the offers thats on at aldi for the week ahead. its tough but we also manage to save £40 a week by doing this so our kids still get holidays and activities. good luck its tough but worth it xxx

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 13:14 PM	#9
lozzy21 Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Teesside, Posts: 23,583	I love my daughter to bits but I feel working makes me a better mother. Being at home all day with a LO is hard, there is no adult conversation and your brains start to turn to mush. You can go to baby groups but if your not talking to your child your talking about your child and it's all very competitive . Working allows me to talk to people about something other than in the night garden or when daddy's coming home. Those three days a week at work save my sanity. Starting next week she will spend one day in childcare and my other two shifts will be on OH's days off, so she gets to spend time alone with Daddy. She gets to bond with dad and he gets to realise how hard it is looking after a child

Status: Offline

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