Likw wwchix says its a tricky situation. Men do take a long time to come round and I know you love him but it sounds a bit unfair for you to be making all the sacrifices. You need to have a longer chat for sure and make sure he understands what you are doing for him and the least he can do for you is have a proper conversation about it.
I agree you need to ask him what his reasons are for wanting to wait until he is 30. It just seems that he has picked that number because it seems a long time away... he may be ready emotionally long before that or never.
You definitely need to get some answers from him and get him to compromise a bit. If he is not willing to get married or try for a baby you should think about trying to move or change your job so you are happier in that respect. He can't have it all his own way!
I was bit with the broody bug pretty hard when I was 20 but my OH was not ready for a baby. And in reality there is no way we could have done it. For one we were in a one bedroom apartment and barely making ends meet just supporting ourselves. No way could we have afforded a baby. What really helped us was writing down a list of things we want to do/accomplish. It kind of gave us a better idea of what all we wanted to do and then we were able to judge more from that when would be a good time to TTC (we only picked a year, not an exact month or anything). I'm now 22 and OH is now 25 and we're planning to TTC in a couple months but even then, I'm still far more broody then OH. I don't think men ever see TTC, babies, and marriage the same way us women do. You both are still very young and though I know the waiting part isn't fun I assure you it's worth it in the end.
If he isnt ready for babies yet, maybe you could have a chat about moving away from his home town, going travelling, having some fun and doing things you won't be able to do when you have a baby.
I would leave the baby making conversations for a while and have another chat in a few years time (sorry I know that isn't what you want to hear). He might change his mind, or be ready sooner than you think, but you need to give him the space to make the decisions in his own time and not feel pressured into it.
Try and enjoy your baby free time, once you have them there's no going back and there are lots of things you can't do. If your not happy in your job could you retrain? or change jobs? xx
well, ive been thinking about my life a lot, and i dont believe its right to forse someone into something they dont want, gunna possibly have a nother chat with bf. I feel like i just get the same answers, i dont want the responsibility right now. And thats fine.
Do you think this sounds like a silly idea?
I am currently training to be a pharmacy technician through work i complete it in november next year. I dont particularly like the job ( mainly the people i work with) so i have decided if he doesnt change his mind im going to do something i want to do. Im going to move away and maybe get a job in pharmacy at the end of the year so i can complete my course. ( i dont see the point in all the work i have put in just to through it away with out completing it. After that i am considering going back to college. So will see how things go... I just dont want to be in a place that i dont paticularly want to be, I am not breaking up with my bf we have done long distance before ! so im sure we will cope ! lol
thanks for you advice. Just feel like a need someone to talk to ! Dont seem to have anyone right now as all my friends are wither having kids and there bf's have ran away or they are not even thinking about setling down :/
I believe relationships are all about compromise...maybe ask him if he could meet u half way and consider at least getting engaged in 2-3 years. I am kind of on the opposite spectrum when it comes to having children...I wanted to wait until I was around 30 yrs old to start and DH has always wanted a large family ever since he was little. I can totally relate to your boyfriend because when I was in my early 20s, I didn't even know if I ever wanted children. Then, around 26-27 yrs old it hit me hard that I did want a family.
So, the moral of my story is...people just need time and they will come around eventually (like I did). Having a baby is probably the biggest commitment of your life. In my early 20s, I couldn't even juggle 2 jobs and college...kids were far from my mind. Maybe he feels the same way?
Oh my as Im reading this its me word for word. Right down to the job and town part. Me and My boyfriend have been dating over 4 years, we both are from a small town and I would love to leave it (because I lived in Jacksonville Fl for a while NOT LITTLE) but this is all he knows, so here we are. And when we first met although we were young we both said we wanted to be young parents so we could run with them and keep up. But as the years go on he keeps pushing the date back. We had a m/c in feb from a unplanned pregnancy. And I've threw it out there that I hate seeing my friends have babies and I'm not they are having baby showers and I'm not it hurts my feelings so bad. And on a day when I just broke down and cried a little he said we would just wait the 3 months the doctor said to wait, but now every now and then he makes little comments that make me think he really doens't want it. He just goes along because I want it.
And the last thing you want is for him to just go along with it because it makes you happy. An uninvolved dad isn't who you want your OH to be. When we got married in August almost 3 years ago we planned to wait the 2 years till I graduated with my music degree, then 3 more years to buy a house and just enjoy life together. That seemed so long to me! A number of months ago I was planning to do my masters. Then I sat down and had a chat with my husband, who is 3 years older than me, and it turned out that he wanted to have kids before I would have finished a masters degree! Now he can hardly wait to have kids and I was the one who had to give up my plan for more education. I'm so happy I did, I'm looking forward to TTC, being pregnant, the whole thing. So these ladies that are saying that men can take a little while to come around are right.
When I feel like it's SO LONG until it's time for us to TTC, I try to remind myself to enjoy everything I have now. You don't want to miss out on the parts of life that are really good right now, and once you have kids you will be a parent forever. Don't miss life now waiting so anxiously for the future to come. Try to focus on making the most of each day. I know that's easier said than done, but that's all the advice I have! Good luck honey.
I think I may have said that wrong or didn't explain it well. When we found out we were pregnant before he was so excited but after we lost it and he seen what I went through It I guess scared him for next time. He didn't know how to deal with me or how to make it better. He would be a great father and he likes kids. When he is around my friends baby he wants to hold him for as long as us girls will let him. But when I say he wants it because he knows I do its because he is one of those guys that thinks that once he has a baby he won't ever be able to go out with the guys, no more fishing, or hunting and he isn't ready for that to end. But I don't believe it will. I know for a fact its possible to keep hobbies and still have a family and be good at it. But in his mind its one or the other because he has never seen anyone who was able to juggle both (his family, They tend to chose hobbies and not the kids) But I know the other side of that I guess being a woman I see kids as making life better not ending the one you have now.
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