i cant hack all of the waiting .... and the not knowing.!
just been to see my friend who has an16 mnth old and a 3 week old, i just melted !
she says im such a good help and amazing with her little ones and she cant wait until i have one of my own!
i cant handle the waiting, gunna have a chat with my bf and at least get a rough date ! im ready ! and so is he, i just dont think he wants to be the first out of his group of friends.
We have been going out for 5 years and we are great together. I want to be married 1st so i know we will have to wait but i cant handle the wait! lol
sorry about the rant its just realy hitting me tonight :/
I'm afraid I can't offer much advice as I know exactly how you feel I'm really struggling too, but just thought you might like to know you are far from alone at the moment. I hope the chat with your OH goes well for you, he may surprise you, men can be odd at times lol
Thanks for the advice ! I hope the chat goes well, ! Lol my friend asked me if anything ever would happen to her would I take the kids! She said I am the best person with them it make me feel so good! I'm even their godmother ! I can't wait to start my own little family what do u do to keep ur mind off it?
Well had a chat with him last night..... didn't go very well the thing is when we where younger he said the wanted to be a young dad like my mum n dad and now he doesn't, he said he doesn't want rpm think about mortgage marriage and kids until he is in his 30s its crushed me inside. I don't know what to do. I cant break up with him but its what I've always wanted! I'm living in a place that I don't really want to be, going a job that I find boring, all because he won't move away from his home town. I feel like I've made so many sacrifices and he is getting what he wants out of the relationship. I don't know what to do !?? Sorry about the moaning post just had to get it off my chest :/
First off, I can sympathise, it seems everyone around me is pregnant or with young ones. I go to work to get away from it, then someone kindly brings their young child in to show off. Chraming.
Secondly, you say "I can't break up with him".. this shouldn't even be crossing your mind! If you love and respect him you should accept that he wants to wait a while. You haven't said how old you are, so 30 might not be THAT far away?
You say you want to be married first, focus on that. Are you engaged yet? If not, look forward to that, or bring the idea of that up with him. If he's not willing to commit himself to you, then you would have to question if he would commit himself to being a Dad.
I am waiting as me and OH have had a whirlwind romance, moved in with a mortgage within 6 months of meeting each other, and then we won our wedding back in October and are getting married in June this year. Then we owe some money so will be saving up to pay that back as getting pregnant before then just isn't an option, we want no debt when we TTC. Also we have a 2nd honeymoon to look forward to in December and couldn't be pregnant for then.
Thirdly, waiting will be worth the while. You don't want to end up being on of those people who say 'I want a baby, so dispite X, Y and Z, I'm gonna do it anyway' do you? Make a list of things you want to do before you TTC. Then look forward to those.
People post on here all the time about how they are saying goodbye to us and moving to TTC, it makes you realise one day it WILL be your turn and it will be YOU saying goodbye and moving to TTC.
IMO it is going to be even more special when we get pregnant as we will have acomplished everything we want to, and will be excited and looking forward to it 100% rather than dreading the reaction from the people we owe the money to.
And don't worry about moaning, its what we're here for
Thanks for the advice
I will never break up with him, just to clear that up
I am 20 and he is 21 , I know we are young but we are settled. My problem is even if he didn't want kids now that's fine but he doesn't want to think about marriage until he is 30 either. Which means if we don't strt thinking about that until 30 we won't be having kids until mid 30 and late 30s is when the women in my family hit menopause :/ I love him so much , and wafht everything with him , it just hurts that he isn't interested at least if we where engaged we would be on the right track :/
See I've just turned 21, so I'm your age too so can empathise.
My OH is 24, turns 25 just after the wedding in June and I'm sure if you ask most men at 21 if they want to be married and have kids, they will run a mile. Us women mature quicker than them. My OH didn't want kids at all when we met, but now he's changed his mind.
You seem to be worrying far too much about it. You're thinking of something 10 years away! You're only young.
I think you need to sit down with him and seriously talk about it. Just you and him, no TV, no laptops, no distractions. Explain that you want to be with him forever and that you would like to start talking marraige as he's the man you love and you want to be his wife. And that you want to have a family with him but don't like the idea of having to wait until you are 30. Ask him why 30 specifically. Ask him what's stopping you now.
If his answer is just 'cause' then that's not acceptable in my eyes. You can't just want to wait for an age. There must be things he wants to do before then etc.
Explain your worry about the early menapause too, it might make him think.
At the end of the day, if he really isn't ever going to budge on it, you obviously want different things in life and you can't go on like that, but he may change his mind in the future.
You need to work out what's best. You could leave him now, meet someone and have a baby within the year, and he could be at 40, still with no babies. However you could leave him now, and within a year he meets someone else and has grown up overnight, changed his mind and is expecting too.
Its a gamble as no one knows what they will think in 1,2 or 10 years time. He might never become ready to become a dad, or he could decide tomorrow that he is.
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