Right, now I know this forum is fairly evenly split in terms of marital status and WTT. And I just wanted to get some thoughts on this...
The other day me and some of the girls from work went out for lunch and the topic of falling pregnant came up. One of the girls has recently announced her engagement and was saying about how she wants to get married before TTC. This got us all talking on our plans for the future. There are 3 of us planning a pregnancy soon(ish). One of the girls is currently TTC #2, and the other is WTT for #2. Both are married. I then announced that me and my OH, although not yet married, are planning to start NTNP towards the end of this year.*
This resulted in some rather hurtful comments about pregnancy before marriage being wrong. With all of my colleagues, and friends, agreeing. I may just be being over sensitive here but it did upset me.*
Have any of you ever had this response and felt disheartened? The girls at work have come around to the idea (sort of),and accepted that its my decision but they still don't agree with it.*
Sorry it's a bit of a rant but it got to me a little bit.*
I'm not in this position nor have I ever been the aim of such hurtful comments but I wanted to let you know that you're absolutely right- this is none of their business and this is your decision! Who CARES if you're not married? If they believe that it is wrong, then they shouldn't ttc before marriage but that doesn't affect you or your decision.
They sound as though they were being judgmental and rude (which is, of course, judgmental for me to say...) but I wanted you to know not everyone agrees with them or their line of thinking!
I'm sorry you had to be the subject of their judgment at lunch today, you have every right to be upset by their behavior.
I agree 100% with Brenn!! Everyone has a different path through life and they have no right to be judgmental about yours.
Besides, are they living in the stone age or something?? There are all kinds of relationships that exist, and none are "better" than any other, and certainly don't make a difference in terms of child rearing eligibility! In Quebec (a Province in Canada) where I grew up, marriage as an institution was frowned on for a long time and many people stayed happily ever after in long term committed relationships- many better than a lot of marriages out there!
You and your OH need to do whatever is best for you guys; don't let what other people may think of you guide your decisions. I think it was Elenor Roosevelt who said: do what you think in your heart is right, for you'll be criticized anyway (or something like that!)
It's 2012, many people have babies out of wedlock, it's not that big of a deal. Marriage doesn't make great parents or guarentee that they'll be together forever. Some of my closest friends had kids out of marriage and are still with their partners today.
Of your in a happy, healthy stable relationship then getting married isent going to make your relationship any more stable or make you better parents.
I had been with my OH four and a half years when I found myself pregnant. We had allways planned on getting married but it was not a priority. Alot of older family members assumed we were going to get married, no chance. I wanted to get married because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, not because he knocked me up. We have now been together for 6 years, got engaged a few weeks ago and plan on getting married in another few years. Were in no rush, we are happy and most importantly so is our daughter. She doesent care if were married or not, all she cares about is having two parents who love her and each other.
What an awful thing for two supposedly grown up adults to say to you!
Just because marriage might be very important to them, it doesnt mean it is that important for everybody and they should respect that! I got married before TTC but thats because I wanted to , not because I think unmarried couples are not behaving morally or some stupid thing like that...My aunt and uncle have been together since teens and never wanted to get married and have a lovely son and they're very good parents and happy together
Thanks, all of you!! It's nice to feel that not everybody is judging us.
Don't get me wrong, I want to marry my OH but right now it's not a priority for us. We both come from families that conceived #1 outside of wedlock and got married soon after. I know our views differ from others, I expected that. I just really didn't expect to be judged so harshly by the people I call friends.
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