“A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but

[Hoping4aBoy]

“A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience.”
― Naomi Wolf
So lets just lay it out on the preverbal table shall we? I have found (in the space between emotional distress, self-destructive behavior, intellectual pit falling, and fear) at least 15 pounds…. Which being that I was a “fat” child who overcame bad genetics and a horribly unhealthy lifestyle to lose a great deal of weight … to now see the fat child’s once avoided future now looking back at me in the mirror…. Good god I can’t believe what I am seeing.
I blame several things, not enough self-determination, not enough self-love, and too much emotional upheaval. Outside of the quest for baby, my husband and I have both had changes in career (which turned out for the best but when you are muddling through it…..), I have gone through some family drama, and the normal life setbacks and challenges. Add some infertility and the financial strain that can cause and well, my ass is much bigger than it used to be.
My Husband falls under two different personalities. The nice guy: this one loves me unconditionally. He loves my curves and doesn’t “gym” talk at me. Nor does he question my eating habits. The a#@hole: Watches what I order, “gym” talks to me, suggests better habits.
*Gym talk- “You go to the gym today?” “You should go before work, you will get use to getting up early.” “You need to left more weights.”
When we first met I was a little less than what I currently weigh, which is 148lbs. I lost down to 123 ish during the time between proposal and wedding. After the wedding in 09’ I steadily gained a little bit. I got to about 135 and leveled off because I think that is about my natural weight. (I’m 5’3 and ½ and I have a small build.)
When I am determined and focused, I can achieve anything. When I am heartsick and emotional, I tend to eat my feelings. Which is what I have been doing for about 3 years now, add some over indulgence in wine and presto I jiggle.
I am starting an actual DIET today. Not a life style change, a diet. Life style change can come later. I am going to attempt to replicate what I did before the wedding.
I was just wondering if anyone else is in this situation???

 

[tammym1974]

Me! Me Me! Ok, first let me say that my husband never says anything like that to me. He agrees, I should lose some weight, and so should he for that matter, but he also said not to go too overboard and get too thin.

I do, however, need to lose weight. I was like you, at one time I had lost a tremendous amount of weight. Nearly sixty pounds! I did like you, gave in to emotional eating and here I am again and very unhappy with what I see in the mirror. But...I'm done bitching at myself about it and decided it's time to do something about it. I am set to begin the Paleo diet, join a gym, and see what happens. I'm kind of excited.

I do like your idea of a life style change coming later. It takes some of the pressure off.

P.S. I would love to be 148 .

 

[Hoping4aBoy]

I have always considered myself a person of extremes. I tend to fixate on one thing and I cannot stop until I move to something else. Since I am well aware that I am continually buckling under the pressure of TTC, I am doing my best to shift that focus to something else. My weight. Which is, god help me, always going to be an issue. I am always going to be THAT girl who is just one sweet sandwich away from disaster!!!

 

[gingmg]

I'm right there with you! I've gained 10 lbs over this last year TTC and failing miserably. I need to get back on track and feel better about myself. I just don't feel good.

 

[Hoping4aBoy]

I'm right there with you! I've gained 10 lbs over this last year TTC and failing miserably. I need to get back on track and feel better about myself. I just don't feel good.

Its difficult not to beat yourself up about your appearance. Looking in the mirror is so unavoidable. The hardest part for me is that the medicine (clomid and the trigger shot) throw my hormones so off my norm that I am struggling with the emotional weight in addition to the actual weight. I have no energy, I don’t feel sexy, hell no I don’t want to have sexy time while I feel like a busted can of biscuits, which ends up being so anti-productive considering the whole reason you are taking the dang drugs in the first place. This isn’t fun.