11 year old palying with fire...

[xtashax26]

Hi i need some advise, my 11 year old daughter came home early from school today due to her hurting her ankle. she went to the bathroom to go to the toliet or so i thought.
My partner could smell burning so his called me and i unlocked the bathroom door from the outside to find my daughter useing a lighter to burn toliet paper! This shocked me as i have always told them the importance of the dangers from playing with fire etc... i have punished her by grounding her and taking away pc play and also explained what could have happened and how disserpointed i was in her.
I have been looking online for pictures or news reports from what happens from children playing with fire but can not find to much about it, i want her to see what can and does happen when it goes wrong. any help/advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

[Dinoslass]

To be honest I do think at her age your daugther does know how dangerous it can be, but still some children want to try out things. Your heart sometimes stops thinking of what can happen. I think you explaining it to her and grounding her makes her realise how bad it has been and hopefully it has been the first and last time.
My son has done the same. Also in the toilet, only he nearly set fire to the calender in there (yep, strange dutch habit; having a calender in the toilet!). I also smelt it and was furious. He was a bit younger than 11 mind you, I'd say about 8. But he did know he was doing something wrong. I think it gave him a scare too or perhaps my anger did, because he never did do it again.
Good luck. Perhaps if she really likes fires in a couple of weeks time (when this died down a bit) you can let her light the fire or some candles. Some children seem to like the fire thing and that way you can control it being there. I know my son still loves lighting the fire at his nan's place and can keep it going for a long time just putting wood and paper on and watching, and he is 14 now!

 

[xtashax26]

Thanks for replying, i know she knows how dangerouse it is and shes normally got a good head on her shoulders which was why i was so shocked and disserpointed in her, i have shown her some pictures and she looked shocked at hat it can do, but at the same time she thought i was just being a nagging old mum trying to get her to read about it. since she has started secondry school i'v seen a change in her not really bad but not good either as she dosnt seem intrested in her school work now either.

 

[Dinoslass]

Oh, I know what you mean. If they start secondary school they suddenly think they are old enough for everything and parents talk nonsense or say things they've heard a million times before. Is she your eldest?

 

[xCorkettex]

Just wanted to say-
at 11/12 i was allowed to burn joss sticks in my room, my mum wasn't a very laid back mum nor was she mega-strict but it was something that i felt because i was the eldest, very honoured she let me do this (even with the door closed!).......which led to me feeling like i wanted to experiment with the whole burning joss stick/paper thing.At the time i didn't feel like i was being naughty, it wasn't rebellion.....i was purely experimenting.
I didn't get caught, although the scare of a piece of paper whooshing straight up in flames n then going out as quick as it started meant i didn't do it again.But i just wanted to say im sure you don't have some sort of pyromaniac on your hands, its just young curiosity and im sure the punishment you have doled out will surfice in making sure any future experimenting will be kept in the science lab at school.

 

[Unicus]

you could try taking her to your local firestation and have them talk to her hun. my little girl is 7 and came home with lots of 1p's and 2p's that she had taken from school one day so i took her to the local police station and asked them to talk to her about stealing which they did. they didn't go ott with her but they explained how wrong it was and they even showed her around the cells! lol. then i had her take the money back to school the next day and explain what she had done to her teacher. she hasn't done it again since!

 

[sing<3]

I wouldn't worry about it too much - you say she's sensible and, at 11, I'm sure she'll be aware of the risks. It's just experimentation and curiosity, and I remember lighting a candle and blowing it out a few times when I was about 11 without permission...
Has she started Secondary School yet? Once you get to use bunsen burners for experiments in science (usually starting from year 7) the excitement tends to fade a bit, so if she's not used one much, using things like that for experiments could take away the excitement surrounding burning things...
xx

 

[xtashax26]

Thanks everyone for your comments, she is my eldest of 4 and has just started secondry school.
I would never let her light insent sticks in her room as i have young children in the house and it only takes a second for something to go up in flames including my daughters hair, but thank you for your advice.
She is still grounded and i will be keeping to it untill the 3rd of december like i said when it first happend, and she has been very good about it all , i think she relises how silly it was, and hasnt moned to go out of anything.