14 yr old sis lying about having sex-help!

Discussion in 'Kids & Teenagers' started by Jemma, Oct 23, 2008.

  1. Jemma

    Jemma Member

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    Hi Everyone,

    i dont post much here but everyone always seems so helpful and supportive, and Im not sure who else to turn to about this..

    I have a little sister who is 14 (15 in feb) - im 25 so theres quite a big age gap but we are still pretty close. Anyway, last time I was home I found a letter written by her to one of her friends.. i know I shouldnt have read it and really regret doing so. The letter mainly talked about her '18 yr old' boyfriend - it talked about how often they had sex etc. I was VERY shocked - Ive always thought of my sis as a very sensible teen. She is very sweet and not at all rebellious - obviously she has the odd strop but in general she gets on v well with me and our parents.

    The part that really made me feel sick was when she wrote about having sex with 'randomers in the toilet' now her boyfriend had moved to spain.

    Now I am fairly sure she is lying and trying to impress her friend. Obviously I cant be 100% certain but shes a fairly family orientated girl and doesnt really go out in the evenings/spends saturdays shopping in town like any normal 14 yr old. She is never out in the evenings without my parents knowing where she is. Im almost certain shes lying about the boyfriend as in the letter she said 'my mum is fine with it...' which would certainly NOT be the case!

    Im just soooooo worried about her now. I had no suspisions she would ever be even thinking about sex, and im worried about her lying to her friends like this. She goes to a fairly 'rough' school and I think her friends are possibly having sex. I dont want to tell my mum as it would really worry her. Not sure how to approach this - if at all - with my sis. Im worried her views on sex are being heavily influenced by her friends, and thats v scary...

    Any advice?
     
  2. Jayden'sMummy

    Jayden'sMummy Jayden and Macie-Leigh xx

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    Hey Jemma.
    Not really sure how to word what i am thinking if you get me? So here it goes..Maybe your little sister is feeling pressured because as you stated
    and i know how much of a bitch young girls can be as i am only 17, were i was possibly the first of my friends to have had sex others felt like they needed to do it or lie about it so their 'friends' didn't think bad of them and call them alsorts of names and she will appreciate having you to get this out to. But if this is not the case and what she says in the letter is true then i think you, being her close sister should advice her to either stop it at a young age or just be really really careful and to go on something. Either way, shes your sister so i think you should just ask her about it. Maybe suggest a girly night in together and bring it up some how.

    Hope you get things sorted xx
     
  3. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    oh hun i wud be the same if it was my 13(14next mth) stepson, cos ive been with his dad since he was 10...and hes lived with his dad since he was 3(doesnt see his mam...maybe once a yr) but i worry bout him so much about aving sex/taking drugs etc...BUT the way i get him2tell me is trust first of all,like when i found so fags in his room i promised i wudnt tell his dad if he addmitted they were his! n he did,he told me, when it comes to sex,it was only the other day when he came in n me n his dad were just sat there n he said...we all missed first lesson cos school nurse was telling us about sex! ( lol i wudnt of dreamt of saying this2my mam/dad!) so me n gary spoke and decided that im guna find the most gross pics online of STD/STI and show him and im guna tell him all sorts,so he'd be that scared (touchwood) of not using condoms! plus weve loads of condoms in our bedrm,and im guna fill every coat pocket with them!! i know its not nice to think of them aving sex,but there guna do it anyways and its best for u and them if they feel they can talk2u, educate her more and explain that "u think" shes aving sex(dont say u read the letter tho as she just wont trust u!) i DO tell gary everything his son tells me (as he as a right2know) as long as gary doesnt say anything tho,then houlden will continue to trust me and hopefully tell me a lot more things2come!!
    good luck hun,i just think if u go on at her 4doin it,she will dein it in the future when really she prob is still doin it xxx
     
  4. Cariad_bach

    Cariad_bach mum to 2 boys and 2 girls

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    I have a 15 year old sis and im 30...were really close and she talks to me about stuff,
    I know she has had sex with her boyF but she was safe and used all the right precautions thankfully.
    I think if i was you id be having a girly chat with her and use the excuse that your just checking where shes at in that way in case she wants you to help her to get precautions,
    Hopefully she will go red and say dont be silly shes not doing those kinds of things yet...but if she is she may open up to you.

    Good luck hun xxxx
     
  5. leeanne

    leeanne Mom of 3 and Stepmom of 2

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    Sounds like she may be lying to look better to others. We all remember what peer pressure in school was like and it was horrible. And we were all trying to "up" one another.

    Girls are the worst in school too...very catty and cliquey. And if you don't fit in, it's hard!
     
  6. massacubano

    massacubano Guest

    I totally agree with Leeanne! I recall the teen years and it is a popularity contest.

    But, aside from that. We do not want her to know you read this. I had my Mom find one of my letters as a teen and it was horrible!

    I suggest you have a talk with her Sis to Sis if you can, kind of mention sex and staying safe. The best friend anyone can have is an older Sister to talk too! :) :hugs:
     
  7. Jemma

    Jemma Member

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    Thank you so much for your replies.. it definitly helps to get another perpective.. my gut instinct is that she is just trying to keep up with her school friends - I can remember lying about having an older boyfriend when I was that age too! (although Im pretty sure i wasnt even thinking about having sex at that age) - teenage girls can be so incredibly bitchy its unbelieveable!

    I will take your advice and try and have a little chat with her as well though, my main worry is she thinks its 'cool' to be sleeping with lots of different people, but I will try and tactfully get across that in fact the opposite is true..

    Thanks again xx
     

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