16dpo, hello AF. rant & poem

[lala12308]

I'm so tired of every month thinking "this is is, this is the month." I have a beautiful five year old daughter and I am so blessed to have her in my life. Maybe I'm not meant to have more, I don't know. Its been almost a year and every month is another let down. TT his month I'm taking it so hard because I really felt "pregnant i felt like this was it. I feel so alone in this. My husband seemed more upset that I was upset then that I wasn't pregnant. I'm so tired of it all and I think I'm just gonna give up.
I wrote this poem just now, talking about how I felt when I went to the bathroom and AF came, I'm 16dpo. Most months I don't get my hopes up like this but this month really felt different so its just been hard.

Tears wash away the hope I held
As my body bleeds red and anguish and dread,
And again, my body betrayed me,
Cruel tricks my mind plays.
Darkness rushes over
Like a rollercoaster of emotions ready to explode
Anger, sadness, resentment, defeat, guilt, exhaustion;
All of the pain I can't hold
And its so cold in this place
Where I feel so sad
Where my heart lashes out and cries
for the fetus it didn't have.

 

[Aiysh]

im so sorry you had to go through that. just know you're not alone. this place is a wonderful support, just keep reaching out. i know it's hard, but don't give up, what's the worst that can happen next month? af. just hang in there, i know couples conceiving after 15 years. personally the symptom spotting really gets me down more then when i dont, and I know what you mean when you 'feel' so many symptoms only to see a BFN it hurts a lot more, i'm trying to ignore all thoughts of it after BD'ing for the month and I completely ignore testing, 2WW because I find that much harder & works you up way more, maybe it's just me but that's my advice hopefully it can make it easier for you too xxxx

 

[lala12308]

Thanks aish, that's good advice for sure. I'm not doing it this month, I can't. I'm just going to bd as much as we can and try to have fun doing it and hope it happens. The ov tests and temping and symptom spotting is just too stressful for me. Too emotional....again thanks for the advice, it will be taken. I appreciate your kind words