2.5 year old 'not liking' family members

[Boo44]

I'm having a real issue with this at the moment. My 2.5 year old has started randomly deciding he doesn't 'like' or want to be with certain members of our family. For instance my mum who he has been with almost every day of his life, and my dad. Some days he completely adores my dad and just wants to be with him and follow him round doing the garden and exploring etc. Then recently he's decided not. It's awful actually, he will literally start crying in the car when I tell him where we're going and will shout 'no dada and mama, gone on holiday' or 'dada and mama go away'. Then when he sees them he shouts NO NO at them and pushes them away. It's quite silly because if I'm leaving him with them (which I do about 40% of the time he spends with them when I work - the rest we all hang out together) then he's completely fine and hugs and kisses them and idolises my dad again.

It's not just my parents either, on Boxing Day he decided he would take an aversion to his cousin whom he was playing with all Christmas day. Shouting and crying and saying ' no shoo go away' He started it in the car before we even got there and before we'd even mentioned their names to him.

So firstly I hate it because it's just not like him. Secondly I don't want my child to be rude and it seems so rude the way he does it. Thirdly I hate to think of their feelings being hurt even though they just say 'oh he's just 2'

I've tried getting down on his level and reasoning with him. I've tried discussing why he doesn't want to see them or speak to them. I've tried more discipline as well. None of it has worked so far and I'm at the end of my tether!

 

[candyem]

No advice but my son was the same. It was almost like he chose one person he liked that day and he was unkind to everyone else. He has always idolised my dad but on random days wouldn't go near him.

It didn't last long. He can still be like this occasionally but not to the extent he had been. He is 3 in April.

Hope it is just a phase for you too

 

[Boo44]

Thanks. I sincerely hope it passes soon it's really upsetting!

 

[seoj]

I wish I could advise- my LO has these moments too- even with MIL who has done part-time child care for her since she was 4mos. Usually it's if we are out and about- she refuses to go to her. But loves the time they have together! LO usually get's past it eventually- but not always. My BIL visited months ago and every time he came near LO she's say "mommy!" but last visit, she ran and played and LOVED their time together. She's never really taken to my brother- although, to be fair, he's not actively tried THAT hard... where as my BIL will try to play with her and be silly and goofy- my brother will talk to her a bit, but that's about it.

She will also tell other kids to "leave me alone" if they try to talk to her in public- but other kids she takes a liking to and will interact with very well? I can't say for sure why- but I suppose, like adults, we gravitate towards certain people more? But being kids- they have no filter... and don't do things just because it's socially acceptable- like us adults do. I mean, she's in pre-school and does great. Does well at the gym care too usually- but other times she enjoys her time playing on her own. Even at home! Yesterday she went into her playroom, turned on the music and started dancing around with her buddies- her Elsa doll and stuffed Cat- and when I tried to go see her she told me to leave! LOL. Toddlers are fickle little things. Cause later that night all she wanted was Mommy

I always remind my LO to "use her nice words"- as I feel it's OK she expresses herself, but in a nice manner (least best she can). IDK- that's just my take on it. My LO has been this way off/on for a long time- so I can imagine it's something I'll deal with each phase and help her understand better as best I can!

I suppose I'm no real help!

 

[AngelUK]

I don't have any real advice but wonder if maybe Jack thinks you are going somewhere specific when you get in the car and then when he hears it is not where he thought you are going, he has a fit cause of that?
When we had Sebastian's hair cut a while ago he had a fit from our door to the hairdresser, throughout his cut and he wouldn't stop screaming till I bribed him with chocolate buttons. He has never cried at the hairdressers, except the first time when he was a year old. It only later occurred to me that while I told him days before that he was going to have his haircut, I had not told him it was at a new place. So when we walked there instead of like before going by car, it threw him and he really had a screaming crying tantrum. He likes and needs routine and to know what will happen next. Same when we go shopping. He completely loses it if we don't go where he wants us to go and I didn't tell him in advance what we are going to do.
Maybe Jack needs to be told in advance where you are going and what you will be doing etc? Maybe he needs to be able to prepare mentally and not be taken by surprise? Could this be it?

 

[Boo44]

That's a thought angel thanks. I did say to him in the car today that we were going to the shops and who might we find there? And he immediately said grandma and grandad no. So when I then said yes, he got upset until we arrived 10 mins later. I will try talking about it earlier although he does often say no even if I just mention them at the moment. So rubbish!

 

[AngelUK]

This must be hard! Let's hope it is a short lived phase.

 

[mandimoo]

It must be a toddler thing. My2 year old really can't stand my dad for some reason and he is really respectful of her and will gently try to break ice with her, but she won't have it and tries to tree climb me and Bury her face in my neck whimpering. It's so hard cos I really want my daughter to be able to choose who she likes and trusts, but feel so sorry for my dad, who often leaves the room and finds something else to do. He was an older dad when he had me, and is in his late 70's with a slow growing, but inoperable liver tumour. I really hope they can have some relationship soon.

 

[Boo44]

It must be a toddler thing. My2 year old really can't stand my dad for some reason and he is really respectful of her and will gently try to break ice with her, but she won't have it and tries to tree climb me and Bury her face in my neck whimpering. It's so hard cos I really want my daughter to be able to choose who she likes and trusts, but feel so sorry for my dad, who often leaves the room and finds something else to do. He was an older dad when he had me, and is in his late 70's with a slow growing, but inoperable liver tumour. I really hope they can have some relationship soon.

The thing is my son absolutely loves his grandad. Like adores him and for the whole summer wasn't interested in anyone else. Some days in the week he will still love him and others he will be awful to him. I can't find any rhyme or reason x

 

[Indigo77]

My 2.5 yo does the same thing. It seems bizarre, but common...

 

[Gym knickers]

We are going through a bit of this at the moment. I think for us it's a response to the new baby. Dd doesn't want to see anyone except DH and I, and hides from my parents who she's seen every day of her life. She doesn't want to interact with anyone but us and is very clingy. It is upsetting for everyone involved but I'm sure it's just a phase, hoping it passes quickly!