2 C-sections.. post traumatic stress diorder?

[SarahMUMMY]

PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME

Im not copeing.

I love both my children, and looking after them isnt the problem..
Im just so angry, im mad at the fact ive had 2 sections. I feel lost and lonely.

I find my self wanting to hate everyone, and wanting them to hurt and suffer like i still am doing. I know it sounds horrible but why can it go so prefect for people and then completely fuck up for others!
I emotionally and physically hurt! Every time i think im getting over it something happens and im back to square one.

someone help me

 

[imogenwanted]

Maybe you can go and talk through what happened not sure where you r but in England you can go and talk about what happened when you had your babies to help deal with the stress xx sending hugs maybe go to the docs and say things still hurt x

 

[Aliop]

Birth trauma is REAL PTSD can be debilitating.

I am nearly 16 months out from a very traumatic EMCS and I am still struggling with setbacks when faced with triggers (like driving past the hospital, other people giving birth etc etc). I hate that I feel this way, I hate that I keep tripping over shit that feels like it should be dead and buried, I hate that it happened to ME, I hate very goddamed thing about having had the EMCS (with the exception of the fact my son is here and alive of course which shouldn't need to be said but people who haven't traveled this road do not understand & automatically give lip service to the 'at least...' sentences ....gahhh! Sorry ranting!).

Did you have any debriefing with the OB/midwives etc? Def talk to some one who has experience with PTSD and birth trauma

 

[SarahMUMMY]

Birth trauma is REAL PTSD can be debilitating.

I am nearly 16 months out from a very traumatic EMCS and I am still struggling with setbacks when faced with triggers (like driving past the hospital, other people giving birth etc etc). I hate that I feel this way, I hate that I keep tripping over shit that feels like it should be dead and buried, I hate that it happened to ME, I hate very goddamed thing about having had the EMCS (with the exception of the fact my son is here and alive of course which shouldn't need to be said but people who haven't traveled this road do not understand & automatically give lip service to the 'at least...' sentences ....gahhh! Sorry ranting!).

Did you have any debriefing with the OB/midwives etc? Def talk to some one who has experience with PTSD and birth trauma

I know this is likely to sound awful because i really hurt from both mine but im so so glad im not the only one!
I feel like noone understands me.
I cant even pass the hospital before i had my daughter i went back with my mum and i just started panicking suddenly i couldnt breath and then im propped up outside pale as anything sweating been sick and just felt terrible.. suddenly id just remembered every little detail! And then i had to go back to go through another really bad labour just weeks later.
My OHs friend recently had a baby (couple of days ago) and shes one of them 'im better than you, my ohs wrapped round my finger, i have more money than you, look my baby has designer clothes' type of person, and i really wanted her to hurt like i did! But she didnt! She had such an easy time! Sailed through! Her labour last 12hours and her active stage lasted 1hour including giving birth to the child. I however struggled for 4days with my son and over 24hours with my daughter before resulting in 2 very traumatic sections!
I just dont understand why me!?
Im at the doctors on the 2nd for my 6week check so just going to blurt it out then because im sick of feeling like shit!

 

[ecarroll2]

Sarah.. similar situation here.. 3 day cocked up induction.. useless medical team.. (seriously, obstetrics in the UK is sooo in the dark ages, treatment of pregnant women is extremely poor, knowledge of the birth process is very limited, most of the midwives and nurses, as this is such low paid work are just out of maternity leave or aren't terribly motivated to excel at what they do) EMCS. Absolutely chuffed with a very healthy (knock on wood!) and very bright, absolutely gorgeous, baby girl. I was awake during the EMCS, to enable my husband to be there; breastfed within 40 mins of delivery for an hour and a half as a reward! I cried (and still do!) each time i even think of birth. Do you know what saved me (I had started to get REALLY depressed)? Going back to work! Without a doubt. 2.5 weeks after the birth I was back at work. Best decision ever. I miss the baby like crazy and do want a more relaxed life (working days and being awake nights co-sleeping with the baby is NO fun), but being back at work saved me from the pit I was in, gave me a distraction, plus I am professional and controlled at work. It helps me not feel like such a failure. My mom quit work to act as a babysitter, which enabled me to go back to work. I'd say take yourself away from dwelling on the birth, force yourself to spend time on a distraction which has nothing to do with motherhood, birth, babies.. I hardly got over one EMCS, I dare not even think what 2 EMCS would do to me. Huge hugs from me, feel free to message me! xx

 

[Banshee]

I too had two emcs and was very traumatised by the first one - I would cry all the time and got very bitter and twisted watching One Born Every Minute coz how could these other women have such straight forward labours when mine was so complicated?
For me I found time a great healer. I used to HATE it when people would say 'at least he's here and he's ok' because I felt like they didn't understand the trauma that I had been through. Now, looking back, I am very glad that I had the option of having my two emcs and that both my boys are alive and well after two horrible births.
I think it is definitely a good idea to speak to your go. Birth can be very traumatic and you may need some support to help you to address what you have been through.

 

[Shyllama]

I had to have a scheduled C section and thought I was prepared I was a bit fearful (a bit may be a lie I was terrified) of everything except the spinal which to my great horror was what I should have been fearing all along I could not feel them cut my skin but everything after that I could I don't even like thinking about it but it was one of the worst most terrifying experiences of my life and now I am still having complications I just hope it eventually gets back to normal, that I eventually get back to normal so I can be a proper mother to my children again. I hope this for you to that healing (mental and physical) come to you swiftly and I wish you the best of luck

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I didn't have a c-section but had an emergency forceps delivery in theatre, so whilst it wasn't as bad as having to have a section, I was (and still am to a certain extent) really angry at how the birth went. I still have days now where I think 'why me?' and feel envy and bitterness towards those who had the ideal birth I wanted, but it's much much less than at first when I was angry all the time about it. I was diagnosed with PTDS from the birth and had counselling and CBT which was a great help, so definitely speak to your doctor because there is help out there. X