TryinginMi
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- Aug 18, 2017
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- 11
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Right now I am 35 years old and my dh is 48. I have a son from another relationship that just turned 13. Dh and i got together when he was 1 and we never really tried to prevent getting pregnant again. But it never happened fast forward to about 3 years ago. I got a UTI for the first time in my life it was really bad and i ended up going to the hospital, but when i followed up with my dr. I started to tell her about some other stuff that was going on with me. I was tired all the time and had sore joints and muscles. She found that i had hypothyroidism. I got put on meds and it took about 8 months to get the dosage right but i got balanced out.
Two months later i went to get tested again like i do every 2 months but i wasn't feeling right so i went back to the dr. and told her that i felt like my meds weren't working..she told me my levels were perfect. 2 days after that i noticed that i was spotting a little bit but i decided to take a preg. test anyway. It was positive and i was over the moon. I called the dr right away to come in to confirm, that was Friday they made the apt for Monday but i never made it that far about 2am on Monday i woke up with cramps not real bad but it was there. When i went to the bathroom and a blob fell out on the floor (sorry tmi) i freaked out and went to the hospital. They told me i was miscarrying. I was sad but i was kind of excited at the fact that i could even get pregnant. I was sure i would get pregnant again soon. But i didn't it took almost a year and a half. That brings me to what is happening now. 3 months ago i started feeling it...I knew what it was...i was overjoyed when the test came back positive. This time i felt pregnant but great i thought every thing was going to be so good this time. We went in at 10 weeks to get a early pregnancy ultrasound because i had the previous miscarriage. There was no heart beat and they said the baby measured 6w1d and i was supposed to be 10w2d. I knew when i saw the ultrasound that it was bad. It was like a still picture there was no movement at all. They told me not to lose hope and i really tried not to. Buy i kind of knew in my heart it was gone. I noticed my pregnancy symptoms diminishing over the next week. I was supposed to go in for a second ultrasound the following Wednesday. On Monday i started to spot but very lighly. I called and i went in the next day to see my ob. He checked me and said there was old blood but i wasn't miscarrying right then. The following morning i work up with some pain. It wasn't real bad at first and it didn't really feel like cramps. I called the after hours number for my ob and when he called back He said go to the hospital. So i did. On my way there the pain just got worse and worse and a bunch of roads were closed with detours and it took forever to get there. By the time i made it there, when they asked me what my pain level was i told then 9. I couldn't stand anymore and it was bad. I started bleeding heavier and heavier but it was only blood. They gave me an ultrasound ond said I'd have to wait for an hour to have it read. So they put me in this tiny room with a reclining chair and a curtain...no bed..wtf...it was like the place where you wait when your ready to leave. It was not the place for a person my condition. The nurses were nice but no one would do anything for the pain. I have never been in that much pain before ever. After the hour passed a nurse came and told me there was no cardiac activity and i was going to miscarry. They said i could have meds to help it but it would make the cramps worse. I don't know how that's even possible...or they said i could have a d&c. I was like please do the surgery please. Then my mom showed up and then finally some one gave me pain meds.dilaudid...it was wonderful.. i was asleep in about 2 minutes. When i woke from the medsleep it was surgury time but the pain was back. I was praying to go back to sleep. It was the strangest expirence, being put under for surgery, but i was ready for it. I had spent the last 6 or 7 hours convinced i was going to die by myself in this hospital. When i woke after surgury i felt great there was no pain at all. I went home to start recovering. That was about 2 weeks ago.
Now i am really having a hard time.physically i feel really good but emotionally and mentally i am sapped. I feel confused all the time and at work things that were always easy are hard and i made alot of mistakes. I'm supposed to be a leader, but i feel like i don't even know whats going on. I told my boss I'm sure if i keep trying I'll do something right eventually. I'm lucky that i have a supportive boss that understands. I think she's trying hard not to get pissed off at me. I have a post op follow up coming in a couple days but I'm not really expecting any real answers. I just want to feel like myself again. I still want another baby but i don't know if i could handle going through all that again.
Thats my story...i know i wrote a book but i kind of feel like if i say it all it will help me...if you read all of this thank you...i am intersred in other peoples stories. I really want mine to have a happy ending with a bouncing baby....❤
Two months later i went to get tested again like i do every 2 months but i wasn't feeling right so i went back to the dr. and told her that i felt like my meds weren't working..she told me my levels were perfect. 2 days after that i noticed that i was spotting a little bit but i decided to take a preg. test anyway. It was positive and i was over the moon. I called the dr right away to come in to confirm, that was Friday they made the apt for Monday but i never made it that far about 2am on Monday i woke up with cramps not real bad but it was there. When i went to the bathroom and a blob fell out on the floor (sorry tmi) i freaked out and went to the hospital. They told me i was miscarrying. I was sad but i was kind of excited at the fact that i could even get pregnant. I was sure i would get pregnant again soon. But i didn't it took almost a year and a half. That brings me to what is happening now. 3 months ago i started feeling it...I knew what it was...i was overjoyed when the test came back positive. This time i felt pregnant but great i thought every thing was going to be so good this time. We went in at 10 weeks to get a early pregnancy ultrasound because i had the previous miscarriage. There was no heart beat and they said the baby measured 6w1d and i was supposed to be 10w2d. I knew when i saw the ultrasound that it was bad. It was like a still picture there was no movement at all. They told me not to lose hope and i really tried not to. Buy i kind of knew in my heart it was gone. I noticed my pregnancy symptoms diminishing over the next week. I was supposed to go in for a second ultrasound the following Wednesday. On Monday i started to spot but very lighly. I called and i went in the next day to see my ob. He checked me and said there was old blood but i wasn't miscarrying right then. The following morning i work up with some pain. It wasn't real bad at first and it didn't really feel like cramps. I called the after hours number for my ob and when he called back He said go to the hospital. So i did. On my way there the pain just got worse and worse and a bunch of roads were closed with detours and it took forever to get there. By the time i made it there, when they asked me what my pain level was i told then 9. I couldn't stand anymore and it was bad. I started bleeding heavier and heavier but it was only blood. They gave me an ultrasound ond said I'd have to wait for an hour to have it read. So they put me in this tiny room with a reclining chair and a curtain...no bed..wtf...it was like the place where you wait when your ready to leave. It was not the place for a person my condition. The nurses were nice but no one would do anything for the pain. I have never been in that much pain before ever. After the hour passed a nurse came and told me there was no cardiac activity and i was going to miscarry. They said i could have meds to help it but it would make the cramps worse. I don't know how that's even possible...or they said i could have a d&c. I was like please do the surgery please. Then my mom showed up and then finally some one gave me pain meds.dilaudid...it was wonderful.. i was asleep in about 2 minutes. When i woke from the medsleep it was surgury time but the pain was back. I was praying to go back to sleep. It was the strangest expirence, being put under for surgery, but i was ready for it. I had spent the last 6 or 7 hours convinced i was going to die by myself in this hospital. When i woke after surgury i felt great there was no pain at all. I went home to start recovering. That was about 2 weeks ago.
Now i am really having a hard time.physically i feel really good but emotionally and mentally i am sapped. I feel confused all the time and at work things that were always easy are hard and i made alot of mistakes. I'm supposed to be a leader, but i feel like i don't even know whats going on. I told my boss I'm sure if i keep trying I'll do something right eventually. I'm lucky that i have a supportive boss that understands. I think she's trying hard not to get pissed off at me. I have a post op follow up coming in a couple days but I'm not really expecting any real answers. I just want to feel like myself again. I still want another baby but i don't know if i could handle going through all that again.
Thats my story...i know i wrote a book but i kind of feel like if i say it all it will help me...if you read all of this thank you...i am intersred in other peoples stories. I really want mine to have a happy ending with a bouncing baby....❤
