20 week scan tomorrow

[daisymay11]

Hey Ladies,
I have my 20 week scan tomorrow morning and we are going to be finding out the gender. This is my first child so I keep telling myself that either way I will be happy. To be honest though I have always wanted to have a daughter. I really want to to have that special relationship like my mom and I have. OH and I plan on having 2 children so I will have one more shot but I am so scared that tomorrow they are going to tell me it is a boy and I will be upset. I don't want to cry or act upset when I know I am lucky that I am pregnant. I am terrified of how I will feel and how to deal with it. I am so nervous that when I start thinking about it my heart races and I feel like I am going to throw up. I feel like a bad person because I am so focused on gender when I should be worried about the health of my LO.

 

[Kirei]

I felt like that too, and even after they DID tell me I was having a girl, I STILL felt like that, because I kept thinking what if it was wrong, so you might end up feeling a bit weird either way if you're anything like me. You sound just like me from your post, execpt I knew I'd only be having one baby, because I'm infertile and we were only able to do IVF once. Still, when I tried to talk to family about it they basically got angry with me and said I should be grateful I'm pregnant and not care about the gender, which made me feel worse
OF course I was grateful I was pregnant - after years of TTC and going through IVF of course I was but it didn't stop me being desperate for the daughter I'd always dreamed of and also knowing this was my one and only shot.
Just try to be strong when you go in there and just think you're going to be a mummy! It's so exciting, and at least, like you said, you do have another shot (knowing I only had one made it really scary for me). I know it feels horrible to wish for one gender and feel upset if you get the opposite but there's nothing wrong with how you feel. You can't help it, neither could I or the other ladies here that have been through it.
It's best that you find out now and then you've got some time to deal with it, whatever the result, and start preparing for your little one!
I can tell you one thing though, as soon as they put that baby in your arms, you won't care what gender he/she is, you'll be so in love, promise!
Good luck, and let us know how it goes, OK? xxx

 

[charbarxx]

hello hunni, when i went for my scan, i really wanted a boy, having a male as the eldest etc... i was worried they would tell me it was a girl and one of the reasons i found out the sex (which we wasnt going to) is because i didnt want to give birth to my child and be disappointed that it was a girl when i might of thought it was a boy my whole pregnancy, when i had the scan and she turned to me and said, 'thats your girl' i bawled my eyes out with complete happiness that my baby was fine and she was MY little girl, my oh even said aww you dont have to cry cos its a girl (thinking i was disappointed) but i was like nooo im happy lol and now i think if they made a mistake and shes born a boy i would be disappointed its a boy! lol iv got such a strong and loving bond for my daughter and shes my world, so hopefully no matter what sex your baby is, he/she is healthy and happy trust me, when you find out your going to have a son or daughter for the first time, its such a rush of emotion it doesnt matter what they are lol good luck hun, and let us know!!! much love, charlotte

 

[daisymay11]

So I had my scan today and found out we are having a little boy. Although I felt disappointed, I held it together for most of the day. My OH knew I was a bit disappointed and was so supportive today. Then tonight it just kind of hit me, the little girl that I hope for and dreamt was inside me and that I made plans for never even existed. I have heard other ladies here describe it as grieving for the dream that was never a reality and it is so true and it hurts so much. I feel like such an awful person and I am so embarrassed over the way I am feeling and acting. Then I noticed OH was quiet and kind of ignoring me. I asked him to come sit with me on the couch and he politely declined. I decided I would go to bed and he followed shortly after but of course I was crying. It has escalated to not only feeling a bit disappointed but also hating myself and being utterly ashamed of myself and to top it all off I felt so lonely that OH was upset at me. I told him I was lonely and felt he was disappointed in me. He said he was, that he didn't understand me and felt I was over reacting as this is only our first child and we will be having at least one more. He also kept repeating that he felt I don't even want this baby despite me telling him over and over that I do, I am just having a hard time. I could feel myself getting out of control so I went to get a drink and when I came back he was asleep. So here I am exhausted from a long day, sad, lonely and feeling like I am the worst person in the world. I have no one else to talk to really. I thought I could lean on him for support but I should have been stronger and kept it to myself. I do love this baby very much and I am so thankful that everything looked healthy Sorry for the long rant, just needed to get it out.

 

[charbarxx]

aww hun im sorry you didnt get the gender you wanted but thank god everythings healthy with the baby, im sure your oh will come round and start being a bit more supportive, maybe you could go shopping for a couple of cute boy things? just imagine cute shirts and shoes plus if you do have a little girl next time she will have a big brother to look out for her, and iv heard boys are alot easier than girls! hope everything gets better for you hunni! xx

 

[BeccaxBump]

The thing is sweetheart, our beloved's don't seem to understand the NEED inside us for this sex. I mentioned to my OH I didn't want a boy, I was desperate for a girl, and his reaction was "You get what you're given, shut up being silly". What they see is, it's their baby, we should love it wether it's pink or blue, which of course we know we do. We just feel we'd attatch better to a certain gender.



xoxox

 

[Mummy2B21]

Sorry hun

 

[detterose]

Sorry to hear you didn't get your little girl. I was the same, I had my hopes set on this little princess that I could have mummy/daughter time with, take to ballet, dress in pretty pink dresses, had the name picked etc. But deep down, I a had he was a boy and he was. I didn't react at the ultrasound, I was the first person to point out his boy parts which the OB/GYN confirmed.

It wasn't until I went shopping for boy clothes that I turned into a mess. The second time when I went with my OH, he noticed I was very quiet and I ended up bawling my eyes out in the car. Thankfully he understood I was disappointed and it wasn't the fact that I didn't love my baby, I was grieving this little girl I wasn't going to have. And I guess now it makes me a little more fearful to have a second/third etc child incase I keep ending up with more and more boys like my sister has.

This baby was a surprise for the both of us, very unplanned and a big strain on us financially, so even though we both know there is a second child in our future, it's not going to be for years to come and even then, I think I will be too scared to try and I'd probably be severely disappointed if I had another boy.

You're not alone and it's not wrong to feel the way you are. You don't love your baby any less, believe me, I love my little boy but I am sad I didn't get my princess the first go. I hope your OH comes around.

 

[jenniferttc1]

It takes awhile but it gets better. Men don't understand, and they kind of take offence to us women being upset over their childs gender. I was disappointed for awhile, but wouldnt trade it for anything since he is here. I want MORE boys. They are that AWESOME.

 

[daisymay11]

Sorry to hear you didn't get your little girl. I was the same, I had my hopes set on this little princess that I could have mummy/daughter time with, take to ballet, dress in pretty pink dresses, had the name picked etc. But deep down, I a had he was a boy and he was. I didn't react at the ultrasound, I was the first person to point out his boy parts which the OB/GYN confirmed.

It wasn't until I went shopping for boy clothes that I turned into a mess. The second time when I went with my OH, he noticed I was very quiet and I ended up bawling my eyes out in the car. Thankfully he understood I was disappointed and it wasn't the fact that I didn't love my baby, I was grieving this little girl I wasn't going to have. And I guess now it makes me a little more fearful to have a second/third etc child incase I keep ending up with more and more boys like my sister has.

This baby was a surprise for the both of us, very unplanned and a big strain on us financially, so even though we both know there is a second child in our future, it's not going to be for years to come and even then, I think I will be too scared to try and I'd probably be severely disappointed if I had another boy.

You're not alone and it's not wrong to feel the way you are. You don't love your baby any less, believe me, I love my little boy but I am sad I didn't get my princess the first go. I hope your OH comes around.

I cried pretty much the whole weekend. OH was more supportive the next morning but I could tell it still bothered him that I was upset. He said that we would have more children and I replied "I don't know if I want any more". Of course I want more but I am so scared that the next one will be a boy and I will be worse than I am now. I never want to feel this way again and I just said that because I don't want to think of what it would be like to go through this again (and possibly worse). I keep thinking that once I have this lo and meet him all those feelings will go away but only time will tell. Thanks for your reply.