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Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by motherofboys, Feb 12, 2021.
The guilt I had with ds 3 was awful tho I felt I couldn't bind with him xx
I've been there. Thankfully it wasn't as bad with ds5
Hi y'all, I know this thread is a little slow but I had to write down some thoughts I'm going through...I've been in my head about trying for a 4th for about 9 months now when hubby & I had a slip up (I think I had a chemical, light lines on tests but then blank). We never discussed it, but I'm coming to a point where I either want to try or stop because of my age, so I opened up the conversation with hubby about it. In a nut shell, he put his foot down (not in an authoritarian way but we just have a lot of cons and not enough pros). I'm trying to wrap my head around not ever "getting to be" pregnant again, but also that I really will never have that girl. I am mourning the loss for something I never had -- is that a thing? I never had a sister growing up and desperately wanted one (had two brothers), and so I really hoped for a daughter, and have 3 boys. I love my boys to pieces but "miss" my daughter. I have one niece but she lives across the country and I've only just met her on Christmas at 9 months old, probably won't see her again for some time. I do have relatives nearby but they have 2 boys. No girls to dote on and I think they're done having kids as well.
Maybe it's for the best though. I remember how miserable I was as a child being the youngest and having no sister. I wouldn't want my daughter to feel that way either...but even as I type that I can't help feeling like I'm missing my daughter. Ha, even tearing up now, that's embarrassing.
Anyway sometimes I wonder if I am missing the sisters I never got to meet? My mom had, before any of us, a set of girl twins that were stillborn. I don't know. Grasping at straws to try to make sense of things I guess.
Thanks for reading!
Awww hunni it's OK to feel the way you do alot of my friends with boys feel the same way as you, they have said to me a few times they feel like they are missing something so it is definitely natural if you feel that way sending huge to you xx
Thanks tdog; I approached it with hubby again today but he is pretty set on no more. I’m just going to have to figure out how to deal with it and get over this feeling. Thanks for reading and responding
I can relate to all this so much, although I'm the eldest. I have 2 brothers who are 13 months younger than me (twins) and another brother who is 12 years younger from my dad's second marriage. My mum would have had 2 sets of twins, but she lost my twin during pregnancy. I don't know the gender but I always liked to imagine a sister growing up.
Only 1 of my brothers has kids. 1 daughter, but due to him and her mum separating on bad terms we didn't see much of her when she was small and now she's 16 and I see her but not often and we aren't close. I am not close to my mum either and always wanted a close female relationship.
Not having a girl makes it so much harder to draw the line under the pregnancy/baby stage of my life.
A few times DH has tried to pull the plug and then come around to the idea. We are currently waiting to try again but there's always the fear that he will say no when we come to it as he can go back and forth depending on how hard a day we've had with them plus my struggles to fall pregnant mean it may not happen, we are both older now so don't have forever to try like we did in the past, and if we do fall pregnant then it could be a 6th boy and I will HAVE to be done. So much uncertainty involved.
I'm happy but also sorry you can relate! Wow losing a twin, that must have been tough for your mom but also for you. I imagine that is similar to how I feel, like there was always someone extra who wasn't there growing up. I started becoming pretty close to my oldest brother in my teens, and we are close now (as much as we can be despite living on opposite coasts), but I miss that female bond. I had female friends but it's not the same, and they seemed to always have sisters so I felt like I couldn't compete with that and would never have that "sister-like" bond. I feel like I'm perpetually looking for my sister but haven't found her yet That said I do have a close relationship with my Mom, but again, not the same as a sister. There are things I could never tell her still, and certainly not growing up. But it's fun now both being adults and now I get to hear things like family gossip
Ohhh I totally hear you about the hubby changing his opinion based on the moods of him and the kids! Some days he is all lovey dovey and saying, "We make cute kids. We should have ten more." Then other days it, "You want another one??? Have you seen how crazy these things are?!" LOL
Anyway can I ask how old you are? I'm 35 and already feeling like my time has passed. My Mom was my age when she had me and I feel like she's somewhat of an old grandma...I don't want to be that to my kids, but again my oldest is almost 10 so that doesn't seem so old for him, maybe just the younger two....And I know I may not be an "old grandma" if my kids start having kids early, but there's just no way of knowing these things!
And lastly I'm feeling like maybe the desire for one more will remain even if we did have a girl. Maybe it just never goes away.
Hi ladies, I was here last year when pregnant with my 3rd son.
I’ve been keeping an eye on this thread as it became active again but wasn’t sure if I should chip in or not! Anyways, I figure I might as well in case it helps anyone. We found out a few weeks ago we’re expecting our first girl, and I’ll just leave here what worked for us. I’m sure some of you have tried different swaying techniques before and honestly I don’t know if this actually helped us or if it was luck of the draw.
We did the Babydust method (there’s a kindle book and a Facebook group for help!). So far having been part of the group for a few months, I’ve seen a mix of ‘it worked’ or ‘it didn’t work’, however there have been quite a few that have had girls/boys after multiple of the opposite gender first. We had a 2.5 day cut off.
I also took a calcium/magnesium supplement and we conceived after I was on a low carb/loose keto diet for a couple months (I also lost about 20 pounds). No extra exercise, and nothing crazy before/during/after BD.
I hope 2022 brings you all the gender you’re looking for (and I think it’s lots of pink!)
Wow congratulations and what a aw6day ro be due (my birthday ) I've heard of the baby dust method before and again like you saw the mixed reviews but so glad it worked foe you and you'll have your little princess xx
I'm also 35 so don't want to wait too long.
To be honest I'm not sure that feeling will go away either but it'll certainly be easier to just ignore it and move on.
How’s everyone doing? Sorry I disappeared for a while. I started a new job last year and I’ve honestly just been finding the GD quite difficult (I work with babies).
Anyway, we’re still TTC and catching up on this thread has made me feel old! I’m 39 so well past what some of you would consider too old for babies which is a bit depressing!!
Massive congratulations @Sander I can’t even imagine how excited you must be!!
Hey, good to see you. It must be hard being surrounded by babies. I work in a shop and seeing people come in with their little girls is difficult enough.
I think its a personal thing really, I dont think 39 is too old, though I would hope to be done before then mostly because I don't want to wait another 4 years I thought I would be done waaay before now. If we had the option of having more than one more then I'd be happy to go another few years
I honestly wish I’d started younger so I could have had more, I’m not the most fertile person either which doesn’t help!
How have you been? I see your signature says NTNP, how’s it going?
Yeah my fertility isn't my strongest point I started young but it's taken longer and longer to fall pregnant each time, so really if I follow that pattern I could very well be pregnant at 39, though I wanted ds5 to have a sibling close in age.
It's OK, no luck yet but I'm also not obsessing yet either. I've booked a couple of trips away which mean we will have to be careful for a couple of months later this year if I don't fall pregnant soon.
Ooh lovely! Where are you off to?
We’ve got a Disney World holiday booked for October and I’ve thought about holding off TTC because of not being able to go on a lot of the rides and being in the Florida heat but I just don’t know if I have the time to waste at my age!
I've got a trip with ds1 booked for this August, we are going over to France and Belgium to see the war graves, memorials, and trenches. I don't mind being pregnant for that, though ideally I'd be past the morning sickness stage as it's a coach trip. Then next August I'm taking DS2 for a tour of Rome and Pompeii, again it's a coach trip and in the details it says about not travelling over a certain number of weeks pregnant and I don't want to have to cancel because I end up due in August/September or giving birth in July and having to leave a newborn for 9 days. If I could plan it to perfection I would be pregnant within the next month or two and be due early next year so I feel better able to leave the baby and don't have to actually take another ttc break.
Keeping everything crossed for you that it happened very soon and you can take those trips without worry! Sounds like it’ll be an amazing experience for you and your sons!
Fingers crossed everything works out!
Just found out I am having a 3rd boy.. gender disappointment is real. We were supposed to be done with kids after 2 but got pregnant with an "oopsy baby". I mourned not having a daughter with my 2nd and now I have to do it all over again. ooph... don't get me wrong. I'm not unhappy, I was prepared for this, but it still sucks..