22 month old suddenly decided she only wants mummy.

[luci and bump]

Just a little bit of background: FOB and I split up almost a year ago, and from the start we have split custody of LO. She's with him from 3pm on a tuesday when I go to work, until 8am on a Wednesday morning, and then Saturday morning until Monday morning. All other times, bar 3.5 hours on a Monday when I'm at work, she is with me.
The past month or 2, she has been really, really reluctant to go to her dad. He comes to pick her up, and she says "bye bye dada" and shuts the door on him. If I'm holding her and he tries to take her, she leans away from him and clings to me. When i drop her off to him, she refuses to go to him, she won't give him a cuddle. Once she realises I'm leaving, she clings to me, and gets very visably upset, crying, trying to get to me. I've tried acting cheery, saying "bye bye baby, mummy see you soon" I've tried sneaking out when she's preoccupied, but it always ends in her crying. Apparently she asks for me all the time when she's with him (she never mentions him when she's with me). He said last weekend they drove past my house on their way to somewhere, and she recognised it, but once she lost sight of my house, she was hysterical apparently.
I literally have no idea what to do about it! Her dad seems to think its because she misses me and wants to spend more time with me, so I suggested cutting down the time she's with him, and he tried accusing me of saying she doesn't like being with him, and that he doesn't want to see her less.
What can I do to help her? She gets so upset, and it hurts me to have to leave her when all she wants is her mama

 

[jd83]

I don't think there's really anything you can do, as its likely just a separation anxiety phase. Most kids go through it several times from baby through toddler years, and it can be with one or other parent, or both. Just continue to give her reassurance and cuddles when you can, and same goes for FOB. Hopefully he is able to give her plenty of cuddles to help her through it. He sounds like a very involved father, which is great. I wouldn't cut back on his time with her, honestly that could make it even worse. She'd probably be even more reluctant to leave you if she was spending even more time with you, as that's often how the separation anxiety tends to be. Just stick with it, hopefully she will move past this phase soon!

 

[luci and bump]

I don't think there's really anything you can do, as its likely just a separation anxiety phase. Most kids go through it several times from baby through toddler years, and it can be with one or other parent, or both. Just continue to give her reassurance and cuddles when you can, and same goes for FOB. Hopefully he is able to give her plenty of cuddles to help her through it. He sounds like a very involved father, which is great. I wouldn't cut back on his time with her, honestly that could make it even worse. She'd probably be even more reluctant to leave you if she was spending even more time with you, as that's often how the separation anxiety tends to be. Just stick with it, hopefully she will move past this phase soon!

Thanks for the reply. I tried to explain to him that I thought it was because she is with me for most of her week, so not to be with me is strange to her. It was his suggestion that she see me more, I think its important that she sees her dad, and as selfish as it sounds, I work weekends so can't afford to start having her during the weekends too. He suggested me seeing her for a few hours during the weekend too, but I think thats likely to confuse her, as normally when she sees me, she knows its home time. How long is normal for it to last?

 

[jd83]

Both my boys have gone through separation anxiety phases. Usually lasts a few weeks-few months. DS1 has gone through a few phases, DS2 I think just went through it once that I can remember when he was nearly 1.

 

[Nat0619]

Ciara is 23 months now and started a "mummy" phase around 21/22 months. Still in it but not as bad as a few weeks ago now. She started to always want me and pushed OH away. Cried when I left for work for the first time ever. My mum and MIL have her when I work 3 days a week. She has thankfully been fine once I'm gone. She is better now but most things are still "mummy, mummy" etc. Maybe something to do with this age? I agree with pp about leaving her routine the same. She'll likely have a "daddy" phase at some point. I've said that to my OH when it upset him.

 

[superfrizbee]

My 22 month old has always been a mummy's but the last couple of months have been worse. She loves her daddy but god forbid he tries to change a nappy, dress/undress her, bath her - she screams bloody murder and is just now getting better, although not quite there. It must be very tough for all of you and I hope it passes soon.