25 rules for Moms with a son... Tear jerker, FOR SURE

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Amsan, Jun 5, 2013.

  1. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    After a mostly fruitless search for “rules” for mothers with sons (and a particularly hard momma day), I was inspired to write my own list to remind myself of what’s important, especially during those days that being a mom to an ever-squirming, ever-curious boy is both challenging and exhausting.

    Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial. So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt — but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives.

    You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life.

    From “Can I go play with them?” to “Should I ask her to marry me?” It’s a big job, but as the mumma, we’re up for it.

    1. Teach him the words for how he feels.

    Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment. He’ll cry from fear and bite out of excitement.

    Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference.

    Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion. Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.

    2. Be a cheerleader for his life.

    There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games. There is no doubt that he will tell you to “stop, mom” when you sing along to his garage band’s lyrics.

    There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts. There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you’ve been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade.

    He will tell you to stop. He will say he’s embarrassed. But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.

    3. Teach him how to do laundry.

    …and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt. He may not always choose to do it. He may not ever have to do it. But
    someday his wife will thank you.

    4. Read to him and read with him.

    Emilie Buchwald said, “Children become readers on the laps of their parents.”

    Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books. Let him see you reading the paper, novels, magazine articles — anything.

    Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever. Writers are the transcribers of history and memories. They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important. And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.

    5. Encourage him to dance.

    Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals. No matter where you go, no matter who you meet, they have some
    form of the three.

    It doesn’t have to be good. Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it’s perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.

    6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, determination, and integrity.

    The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from
    birth.

    But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen
    (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).

    7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, determination, and integrity.

    The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth.

    But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Amelia Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).

    8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.

    You already are all of those things. If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything, remember
    this: If you have done any of the following:


    Grew life
    Impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body
    Taken care of a newborn
    Made a pain go away with a kiss
    Taught someone to read
    Taught a toddler to eat with a utensil
    Cleaned up diarrhea without gagging
    Loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they
    are your own)
    Found a way to be strong when that child is suffering
    …you are a superhero. Do not doubt yourself for one second. Seriously.

    9. Teach him to have manners.

    Because it’s nice. And it will make the world a little better of a place.

    10. Give him something to believe in.

    Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won’t be able to be
    there. Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never,
    never, never.

    11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle.

    …like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people’s feelings.

    12. Let him ruin his clothes.

    Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes. You’ll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins
    another piece of clothing.

    Don’t waste your energy being angry about something inevitable. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.

    13. Learn how to throw a football.

    …or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his
    favorite song.

    Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.

    14. Go outside with him.

    Turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away. Just go
    outside and follow him around. Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions. It’s like magic.

    15. Let him lose.

    Losing sucks. Everybody isn’t always a winner. Even if you want to say, “You’re a winner because you tried,” don’t. He
    doesn’t feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed. And that’s a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids.

    This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again…..)

    Instead, make sure he understands that sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But that doesn’t mean you ever give up.

    16. Give him opportunities to help others

    There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities.

    Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together.

    17. Remind him that practice makes perfect.

    This doesn’t just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life.

    You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become better speaker by
    speaking.

    Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks — they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing.

    Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip. Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier. Practice, practice, practice.

    18. Answer him when he asks, “Why?”

    Answer him, or search for the answer together. Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches).

    Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself. Someday, when he needs to ask questions he’s too embarrassed to ask you, he’ll know where to go to find the right answers.

    19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.

    Especially the wipes.

    20. Let his dad teach him how to do things.

    …without interrupting about how to do it the “right way.” If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son
    while he is growing up, someday down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything.

    You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom, you will stay connected to what is happening in his life.

    Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.

    21. Give him something to release his energy.

    Drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog. Give him something to go crazy with — or he will use your stuff. And then you’ll be sorry.

    22. Build him forts.

    Forts have the ability to make every day normal stuff into magic. Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders.

    For the rest of his life, he’ll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.

    23. Take him to new places.

    Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.

    24. Kiss him.

    Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet. They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day.

    But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender. So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, “What happens in between that made you lose that?”

    Let’s try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they’re loving and kissing them even more when they’re wild. Kissing them when they’re 2 months and kissing them when they’re 16 years old.

    You’re the mom — you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets — and make sure he knows it.

    (P.S. This one is just as important for dads, too.)

    25. Be home base.

    You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back.

    When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you’re the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you.

    When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious.

    Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun.

    Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.


    Pulled from https://blog.lifemanifestos.com/25-rules-moms-son-tabitha-studer/ . I did not write this myself.
     
  2. surprisedmama

    surprisedmama Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    25 Rules for Moms with Kids should be the title.

    None of these are inclusive of having a son and apply to both girls and boys. Girls can build forts too and ruin their clothes. Let's not stereotype our kids before they are born.
     
  3. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    As it states, its not my article. I did not write this. Thank you. :)
     
  4. bekkie

    bekkie Mommy Due Sept 20

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,457
    Likes Received:
    0
    19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.

    Especially the wipes.


    - seriously... never leave home without wipes.
     
  5. surprisedmama

    surprisedmama Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    Regardless of whether or not you wrote it, my opinion still stands. It's incredibly stereotypical of what boys are "supposed" to be and what girls are not (in an unspoken way). I plan to teach my son (and daughter) every single thing on this list. Not because some author thought they would put together an "inspiring" list, but because it's the right thing to do.
     
  6. jojo_b

    jojo_b Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2010
    Messages:
    3,239
    Likes Received:
    1
    It's beautiful. I have a little boy making noise in the bedroom next to me, and a little boy thumping around inside my tummy. This blog DID bring tears to my eyes, and a lot of it really does refer more to boys and that crazy, different "boy energy" they have. It's perfect. Thanks for sharing xx
     
  7. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, I apologize you took it so offensively. I happened to think it was cute REGARDLESS of whether or not it was for a boy or a girl.

    It never said a girl WASN'T supposed to behave this way, either. You're getting a little ahead of yourself. Have a good day.
     
  8. LadyinWait

    LadyinWait Pregnant (Expecting)

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2012
    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you for posting that! Of course, I cried.
     
  9. bekkie

    bekkie Mommy Due Sept 20

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,457
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think the author went with boys because that's what she has... I doubt she meant to offend anyone.
     
  10. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    I thought it was a good idea. I'd never even thought about it after he was a bit older and out of diapers.

    As this is my first, and I grew up with two older sisters, I have NO idea what to do with boys and how they act, etc. I thought it was very sweet. :)
     
  11. bekkie

    bekkie Mommy Due Sept 20

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    4,457
    Likes Received:
    0
    You always need wipes - sticky hands... sticky face... it's amazing what they get in to ;)
     
  12. zanDark

    zanDark <3 IVF mom <3

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    2,048
    Likes Received:
    1
    This is lovely! :cloud9:

    I think with boys especially it's important to teach them to cook and clean after themselves! I am FOREVER grateful that my MIL taught my husband that it's not only OK for a man to do things around the house, it's also very important because it shows love and respect for his wife!

    I have so many friends who have OH's that just sit around on their asses all the time and never help out. I'm blessed to have a husband that will come home from work, and if he see's that I'm really tired...will whip up something delicious to eat and make sure to clean up and tidy the house :cloud9:

    as far as everything else goes, I agree that it applies to both genders, but if the author has a son, it's only natural for her to write about boys! I don't think it's offensive of gender stereotyping :thumbup:
     
  13. surprisedmama

    surprisedmama Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    I grew up with 3 sisters and have a daughter. This is my first son. Never did I ask myself how I am going to play with a boy. I'll play with him like I do my daughter. They are kids. They play, nothing really different between them.
     
  14. surprisedmama

    surprisedmama Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    Two other rules I would add:

    1. Let your son wear and color with "girly" colors if he chooses: Colors are for everyone, simple as that.

    2. Allowing your son to play with dolls won't turn him "gay": If anything, he'll be a better father because of it.
     
  15. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good call!

    I see that so often too! It's very nice to have someone that helps you out as well.
     
  16. Hunbun

    Hunbun Wifey & Mummy

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2011
    Messages:
    1,597
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's so lovely.

    I agree with the ruining clothes. I can't believe how many clothes little boys go through! (I say boys because that is all I have so far experienced)
     
  17. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    Like it states, I don't think this post was meant to offend anyone. I think you're starting to take it way out of context for the sake of an argument or "proving your point". It was fitting to me as I am, in fact, having a boy and I thought the article was cute. Nowhere did I post that I would not treat my daughter the same if I were having a daughter. :thumbup:
     
  18. ckylesworld

    ckylesworld Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2011
    Messages:
    687
    Likes Received:
    0

    I completely agree with you!! It was a great article and there ARE differences between boys and girls whether people like it or not. :haha:
     
  19. surprisedmama

    surprisedmama Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2011
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    Those being? Besides the obvious?
     
  20. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2013
    Messages:
    3,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    I mean obviously there are morals I would instill in either a son OR a daughter, but in all honesty, when I was little, I didn't like going fishing. I didn't like rough housing. I didn't like sports. Yeah, I played in the dirt and made mud-pies and played with worms, but I had no interest in a LOT of things my dad tried doing with me. I didn't want to learn how to change my oil when I was growing up, why when someone else can do it for me? (Though I do know how to do it now, and I do love fishing now). But growing up, these things didn't matter to me. I know my dad loved me anyway, but I'm sure he would have enjoyed playing sports with me or taking me fishing or wrestling around with me in the living room. There's nothing wrong with what your child chooses to like or not like. I would never force one thing or the other upon my child because they are a boy or a girl. I AM happy with a healthy baby regardless. But the bottom line is, you can't force a girl to want to do boy things for the sake of "not being stereotypical". If she's not into it, she's not into it. Same thing with a boy. I loved dressing up in cute little dresses when I was little. I loved having my hair done all cute and pretty. Would it matter if my son wanted to do these things? Not at all. I'd still love him and support him regardless. I was at the FOB's sister's house one night having a make over with his niece when his nephew came in and wanted to do my make up. Did I let him? Absolutely! Kids are who they are. I think the main point of that was to let them be who they want to be and since the author had a son, that's what she went with as that's what she had experience with. I wouldn't write an article about a horse when I've only had experience with dogs.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice