2nd miscarriage in 3 months

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by ninamama, Apr 26, 2009.

  1. ninamama

    ninamama Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies, just need someone to talk to! I woke up this morning with light bleeding and cramping and am preparing myself for the worst. This would be my second miscarriage in 3 months. First one was beginning of march at 6wks and now again I would be roughly 6wks. Not only does it break my heart to lose another one so quickly but when I woke my husband up to tell him, he said Oh dear and quickly went back to sleep. I then cooked his breakfast and he has now left for the day, patting my head and kissing my cheek before he went. I am in tears. I am very far from my family and feel miserable. I just so wish he would have cancelled his plans and stayed with me today..I am really sad and angry. Anyone elses hubby react so coldly?
     
  2. toby2

    toby2 Mum of 1,expecting #2

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    :hug: i think it is a different experience for even the mst sensitive of all husbands, try not ot get angry with him-so sorry this is happeneing for you, can totally understand your saddness and frustrationxx
     
  3. toby2

    toby2 Mum of 1,expecting #2

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    maybe you should tell him you need him?in my experience my hubby rarely second guesses my needs even when i think they are obvious but will always respond if i askxx
     
  4. Staceyxxx

    Staceyxxx Mummy To 2 Little Angels

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    Awww so sorry for your loss :hug::hug:

    If you need a chat just pm me xx
     
  5. Snowball

    Snowball Resident badass

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    Aw I'm so so sorry hun:hugs: I had 3 m/c's in 7 months and it was soul destroying.

    My DH was the same. We lost a baby at 21 weeks last year and he went back to work 4 days after I gave birth and had to go to theatre. I was a mess and I hated him for it. A year on though little things he's said and done make me know that deep down he really cares. I think most men are the same, they make out they've got to be the strong one in these situations to keep us going :hugs:

    If you ever need to talk I'm always around.
     
  6. wishing4bub#3

    wishing4bub#3 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss big big (((((((HUGS))))))))

    i have just been in the same situation as you. its hard and it kills a part of you and the man in our life just seams to think oh well what ever , lets try again. My hubby was the same when we lost a little girl at 16 weeks (our gyno stuffed up) and he was the same with all of our M/C's (10 of them) I dont think pregnancy is the same for them. we are the ones that feel all the changes they only get to see it. i have found with my man its not untill bub is on his arms does he fall in love with our child.
    so maybe its the same with your man.

    i hope that helps you
    once again so sorry for your loss
    Trish xxxooo
     
  7. HeidiLSparks

    HeidiLSparks Mom of 2 & 1 on the way!

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    :hug: I am so so sorry honey. I wish the best for you and your family. Maybe he just didn't know how to react and it just came out that way...again I am so sorry.
     
  8. CarCam

    CarCam WTT after 2nd MC :(

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    Oh- I am so sorry, I do hope you are NOT have a MC. Let's hope for the best. :hugs:

    My husband reacted the same way. When I started bleeding, I was scared to death! And all he said was, "Well, maybe you weren't ever pregnant" and "If it happens, it was supposed to". So, men can be VERY emotionally detached from such situations. I have moved on, but at the time I was furious!!! :hissy:

    When I awoke the morning after my miscarriage occurred, I told my husband and he merely said, "Oh'well, that sucks" and went off to work never really to say anything about it again. His attitude was very flippant...but I was the one who had to suffer from all of the hormone fluctuations. I actually suffered from post partum depression and my milk came in as though I had a baby to feed. Those kinds of things were so hard for me to handle, but so far from HIS comprehension.

    Hang in there- remember that men are innately "fixers". They want to fix all of our problems, and when they can't, they turn away from the matter. I am sure your husband hurts deeply, he just doesn't know how to express his feelings.
     
  9. Widger

    Widger Mummy at last

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    Just wondered if you got yourself checked out... hope you are ok??

    I'm sure he just doesn't know what to do and it is different for them. Most men don't really think about a mc the same way we do... they just don't get it. For a start, their body isn't changing etc.

    I've had 3 mcs so if you need to talk then pm me x
     
  10. ninamama

    ninamama Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone for the nice kind words. I went to the clinic that day by myself cause I just felt I needed to. Im having whats called a threatened mc. They could see the sac and all still in the womb and it was closed but Im still bleeding. Its not as hard as a normal monthly but its there. They took my blood and measured my levels to be 240..that means either my calculations were either completely off or my levels are dropping. Im going back later this afternoon to get my blood tested again to see how everything is progressing. I dont want to get my hopes up but cant help hoping all is ok. Ive decided to go to the clinic again alone today. Somehow i cant bear the thought of him coming along and feeling like im wasting his time by testing something that he thinks is already over. My tenderness in my boobs has gone away as well as the nausea so deep inside I know whats gonna be the outcome but Im still gonna go. Ill update once Im back from the clinic. I really appreciate everyones kind words..I think its true what you say about fixers. Once he realises there is not much he can do, he just shuts off. Times like this do make me think about all other things wrong in my relationship and make me wonder if hes really the one for me.
     
  11. Baby-Cakes

    Baby-Cakes Mum of 2 & 3 Angels

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    I've got my fingers crossed for you!!

    :hug::hug:
     
  12. Stephannie

    Stephannie Well-Known Member

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    Hi :)

    Im kinda new here but I have just experienced my second MC in two months :-( with the first one my partner was there 110% but with this MC as soon as I told him I was bleeding he kind of shut off. . .maybe its harder for him because every chance he has had of a child has ended in a MC :-(

    I have spoken to my doctor who has agreed to run tests if I have another MC but everyone else is saying 'It will be third time lucky' and 'Your only young it will happen.' I may be young (im 21) in some peoples eyes but having a baby is what me and my partner want.

    Sorry im just ranting a little. . .Thinking of you *hugs*

    Steph x
     
  13. superp123

    superp123 Super Auntie to 3 + 1

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    I'm sorry you're going through all of this hun. I too am far from family, so I can relate. You're DH is not abnormal at all. I had to throw a bloody fit to get DH to stay home and go in with me.... and even then, he had to go and his guys going on the job before he could be bothered. I know exactly how you're feeling. Mad. But the truth is that your DH is hurting, just like mine is. They mask it better, and I think mine compensates with work when things get shitty. So he'll actually find more to do when it hits the fan. They are just not the same as us.
    I'm sure he'll be there for a cuddle, when you need him hun. And don't feel weak for asking him to hold your hand. Its tough and you need him. Sending massive hugs for you and holding hope for the best. :hugs:
    P
     
  14. AJpeartree

    AJpeartree Mom to my 8 mo old girl!

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    I am keeping fingers crossed for you. My only advice is to try an be as honest as you can with him. I know that when I get mad at my hubby I tend to stop talking. Well, being a guy, he has no clue what I want/need him to do to make things better. Hope that helps and BEST of luck...
     
  15. WhosThatGirl

    WhosThatGirl Mommy of 4 amazing kids!

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    My last pregnancy was unplanned and when I had a MC (chemical pregnancy) dh said "Maybe it was a good thing since we aren't ready right now". I think he meant it to make me feel better but it CRUSHED ME!! I think men just don't realize how it effects us.
     
  16. ninamama

    ninamama Well-Known Member

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    Hey everyone..went to clinic and my hubby insisted in coming along! I was so happy cause i wasnt even going to bother asking him..the doctor confirmed that my bloodlevels had dropped to 84 so that i was having a miscarriage. Dont really know what to expect now, will my bleeding get worse or will it stay as a regular period? I have decided to give TTC a rest now for a few months. Think its best to have a few cycles and then get doctors advise and guidance as soon as we decide to start trying again. I know I am most fertile now but couldnt bear with losing another one. I just dont know whats wrong with me..It took us 8 yrs to get pregnant and now I get pregnant but they wont stick. Im getting very frustrated with my body. I love this forum and all the ladies that are on it. At least I dont feel so alone in this xxx thanks everyone xxx
     
  17. Stephannie

    Stephannie Well-Known Member

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    Ninamama, with my first MC i stopped bleeding quite soon afterwards (within a day) but with my second one (this only happened last week) I carried on bleeding, that then stopped for a day or two and now im bleeding again :-( but this time round it is heavier than a period and more painful!! However the hospital did say that 'everything has come away' so I guess this is ust my normal period. I guess it varies from each person and each MC. xxxx
     
  18. ninamama

    ninamama Well-Known Member

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    Another question..I started bleeding 2 weeks ago, it stopped after about a week..but I still feel pregnant. I know its not possible, but my boobs have kept getting more solid and wake me up at night because they are so sore. In both my pregnancies, my sore boobs have been the only symptom. Last time, the soreness went away imediately and the day I started bleeding, they went soft imediately. Since then, mostly this last few days, they are rock hard again and it confuses me. I just wanted to know if anyone has had experience with this..when will my symptoms go away?
     
  19. CarCam

    CarCam WTT after 2nd MC :(

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    Hi Ninamama, I am currently bleeding after my second MC in two months:cry:. I too still feel very pregnant (nausea, constipation, sore bbs...etc.), so I feel your frustration. I am sure we have residual hormones and our body WAS preparing for a baby, so maybe our bodies will be confused for a while. Hopefully we can move along soon. As I type this, my bbs are tingly and sore. ](*,)

    Hang in there. I am so sorry for your losses. :hugs:
     

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