3 failed IUIs. How do you cope?

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Ladies! I just found out the other day that my third IUI had failed. The first one we did was a natural cycle IUI, second IUI was with femara and ovidrel shot and the third was with Puregone injections and ovidrel. I had 4 mature follicles and OH's sperm count was a "gold medal winning, record-breaking count" according to our doctor. We have been TTC for a year and all the tests so far have been clear.

The first two IUIs I was disappointed, but eager to move on to the next cycle. This one, however, has completely crushed me. I have those nagging doubts like maybe this is never going to work. So my question is, for those who have had multiple failed assisted conception procedures, how do you cope and keep your spirits up?

I just started a new job a month ago and had a complete meltdown at work when I got the BFFN news. My doctor wants me to book in for the lap surgery, which terrifies me a lot. I'm worried about having to explain taking time off for the surgery and then if we go the IVF route as well, but I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

 

[Juliet11]

Not going to lie, it can be really hard at times. But overall I just keep my chin up and try to stay positive.

And take it one day at a time.... I know that can be hard, but it is the best thing you can do to not get overwhelmed with "what ifs".

I know how you feel though... I remember a year ago my doctor said I should do a lap, and then do injectables/IUIs. Well last Dec I finally had the lap, and have done 2 rounds of injectables with IUIs, but BFN. I have moderate-severe endo, and am now scheduled for IVF in August.... waiting on the results of my latest and last round of injectables, IUI is on Monday.

Just trying to say that I've been there before too! hang in there.

 

[drsquid]

i couldnt cope even though i found out the sperm id been using was crap (donor sperm doc kept saying it didnt need to be tested). i was gonna try one more iui (id done 4, 1 unmedicated, 2 femara and one injections) but decided it was too stressful and moved to ivf. im currently doing stims for ivf.

 

[readyformore]

Honestly, I don't cope well at all with failed fertility treatments.

My first son was conceived on my fourth IUI cycle. I think the only thing that kept me going was thinking about what my next step was. I had already taken my IVF classes and was focusing on doing IVF if my 4th IUI was not successful. I cried a lot and was depressed. I kept moving forward because I just knew I would never conceive without assistance. I was not able to keep my spirits up.

Currently, I have done 3 IUIs all of which failed and I am done with assisted conception. It's too upsetting when they fail and so complicated to actually have it done. I just can't do anymore. I literally cried during my last IUI and on my way home. I knew that that chapter in my life was closed.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Ladies, I can't thank you all enough for the responses. While I'm not glad that anyone has to go through the disappointment and heartbreak of failed fertility procedures, in a way it's nice to know that I am not alone in this.

It's taken me nearly a week to come to terms with the 3rd failed IUI. I spent most of the weekend grieving in a way and now I think I'm ready to take a bit of a TTC break for a month or two just to try and catch my breath. My doctor is great, but he has moved very quickly and aggressively. I need some time to reassess and give my body a break from the fertility drugs.

Juliet11, what is the lap surgery like? Is it really painful? Would you recommend doing it? Also, did you have any symptoms of endo prior to it being discovered? I've been trying to figure out all the different things that could be wrong with me, I don't have any endo symptoms so I wondered if it is possible to have it with no symptoms at all?

I don't know if I would ever recover from a failed IVF. This whole journey is starting to feel a lot like gambling and the hardest part is the not knowing WHEN it's going to happen. If I knew it would be X number of cycles until I got my BFP, then I would be fine. But since none of us know, it's impossible not to get discouraged!!!

 

[readyformore]

I don't know if I would ever recover from a failed IVF.

This is one of the reasons that I have never tried it. It might work, but it's only 30% success and I've heard that most 1st IVFs are not successful (I have not heard that from a doctor though). The disappointment that would follow with a failure would just be too much for me.

I hope your break works well for you.

 

[tlm]

Sashimi - I understand how you feel! I had my lap and hysteroscopy in March due to being seen by my re for almost a year and 6 failed cycles of clomid. My doctor has always said that endo might be an issue given that I am 32 and never been pager ant. Apparently 80% of women over 30 and have never had a child have some degree of endometrosis. I had stage 3 endometriosis demoved along with 2 fibroids in my uterus. I only had pre AF spotting, that was my only symptom. And I am still spotting so I am not sure it was after all the endo.

I would not worry too much about surgery! I know it's easier said than done! But mine was really not bad! The gas afterward was kind of annoying, but I was up walking around the day after with very few limitations. I was told not to work out or have sex until I had my follow up appt a week after surgery. I ended up having a cyst that was painful during the second part of my cycle post surgery and that was more painful / annoying than the actual lap and hysteroscopy itself.

I would definitely recommend doing the lap! It was very beneficial for me! My doctor is pretty convinced that he found my problem.

Good luck!!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Ladies!! I'm currently away on vacation and I have to say its great having a break from TTC and fertility appointments. My lap is booked for July 10 and I'm really nervous, but thinking I might do it just to get it over with! Can't thank you all enough for your encouragement and support.

 

[678star-bex]

Just wanted to say that it's ok to feel ba and cry. I cried during my last iui and it was awful. Currently on 2ww and just thinking about iui 4 and beyond it helps to have options in the future if u can. Talking helps but only really to others that understand. We're here for u good luck

 

[fisher640]

I wish I had some answers. I've only been coping somewhat, sometimes. I, and many others, are here for you though.

We've had 3 failed IUIs and my 4th should be in the next 2-3days. From there. I don't know what we'll do. DH was originally totally opposed to IVF but as time has dragged on with no changed in our parental status he's slowly changed his mind.

Like someone said earlier though, it's frustrating on so many levels, not only the failures, but even trying to work time into your schedule to have procedures/treatments/etc. It's so hard for me to believe that people actually get pregnant. I just can't imagine.

 

[ttcbaby117]

Sashimi, I see you are pg....congrats....did you end up doing ivf????

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi TTCbaby! Yes, I did end up doing IVF! I was diagnosed with a low ovarian reserve which means my ovaries are technically older than 31 and our doctor felt I didn't have a lot of time left to conceive. So I never ended up doing the lap and was referred straight into IVF.

It was a huge decision, very emotionally, physically and financially draining, but SO worth it! I'm glad we did it even though I was so nervous throughout the entire cycle!

How are you doing TTCbaby?

 

[drsquid]

glad to hear ivf worked for you. me too, first try =)

 

[fisher640]

Awwww congrats ladies!!!! Love the pics. I'm 20 weeks with IUI #5 now

 

[ttcbaby117]

Thanks for answering Sashimi!

I am doing ok...I guess weighing my options. I have done 1 IUI and it failed. All my tests seem to be ok...my eggs have been tested and they seem to also be ok. My Dr did recommend IVF to me only because I have to travel from where I live to Florida to do treatments. I think she is being aggressive, which if fine with me! My problem is finding the funds to do the IVF. It will be expensive and it is just not something we can afford right now. So I basically have the option on spending another 2k on IUI in December, b/c I will be in Florida anyway to see my family.....OR save that money and go straight to IVF. The problem is that the $$ I will need for iVf will probably take about a year to save.

 

[ttcbaby117]

congrats to you other ladies...Dr squid...did you try IUI first?

Fisher - wow that is awesome it finally worked!!!

 

[SashimiMimi]

I'm really thrilled to hear that assisted conception has been successful for a few ladies in here. Congrats! That is amazing news!

TTCbaby, IVF is such a HUGE decision, so I really feel for you. I was in the same boat wondering what to do. The IUIs were starting to get really expensive as I started to do them with injectible drugs which cost a small fortune. I felt that for me personally doing more IUIs would just be a waste, especially with the time crunch to conceive while I still have functioning ovaries.

On the other hand, there are women like Fisher who did 5 IUIs before it worked! My SIL was the same, she did 4 IUIs and was gearing for IVF when the 4th one actually worked.

IVF is expensive. We spent about $11k and it is really scary to know you are paying that much for something that may or may not work. But I was determined to do everything available to me no matter what in order to get a BFP. It's rare that work benefits cover fertility, but I looked into mine only to discover that it covered $4,000 which was a huge chunk. So if you do end up going the IVF route, see if you or OH have work benefits that may cover some of it. You never know!

I responded really well to the IVF drugs and had 15 eggs retrieved. BUT I had a really low fertilization rate which absolutely devastated me. We had 3 eggs fertilize and only 1 of them made it to transfer. I was crushed and was convinced during the TWW that there was no way it worked. I hear about women having 3 embryos transferred and only 1 actually becomes a baby. But honestly, it only takes 1 and our 1 little embryo is now growing every day and I'm currently at 13 weeks.

So IVF is a real roller coaster, but like I said above so worth it. Weigh your options, see if it makes sense to just go for IVF or continue on with IUIs. See what your doctor thinks would be the most successful path for you. For me, it really helped to talk to people that have been through it and I found a fertility support group in real life.

Of course, I'm happy to answer any questions you might have. It's a big decision and I wish you the best of luck!

 

[fisher640]

Yeah TTC, u actually have met me on LTTTC#1 which I've been in since the first pages forever ago.

We were all set to start saving for IVF which neither of our insurances cover at all. But they couldn't set me up for an appointment to talk over things with the doc at the clinic til August (this was after IUI #4 failed in June) and I was super depressed. And DH was out of town. So essentially they were like "we'll we can do a last clomid cycle while ur waiting for the appointment" we didn't change the protocol at all so I was positive it was a waste from the beginning. And I had just started a new job at the beginning of July so I wasn't even sure if ovulation would line up with a day off and couldn't call off with a new job. Then at the actual IUI the nurse had a rediculous time getting the catheter in, tried three different times with various specula and had to pull the doc out of another procedure to do it. And the doc seemed so pissed off and I didn't feel anything (every IUI I had cramping during) so I was convinced she was annoyed and just squirted in without bothering with the catheter. It just seemed doomed from the start. Up until the day of the BFP I was actually texting DH about IVF saving even after peeing on that first positive test.

The point of me telling you this tho--- sure its nice to have a positive attitude but at no point that cycle did I have anything but depression, tears, anxiety and doubt. So don't worry about trying to be all positive cause I don't think it helps.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Fisher your story is very much like my SIL's! She was so tired of IUIs and after 3 had failed, she was sure the 4th was a pointless waste of time. She didn't even go for the two IUIs back to back, just did one and said forget it to the second. (I'm not sure if they do that everywhere, but around here they do two to give you the highest chances.) So she was sure it had failed and did everything wrong during that TWW. She drank wine, trained for a marathon and practically fell off her chair when the nurse called to say it had worked. Now I have a beautiful 4 year old niece and my nephew was conceived naturally a couple years after she was born.

And Fisher is so right about the whole positivity thing. I was so nervous all throughout IVF, trying so hard to think positive. But when we got the low fertilization results, I literally sat in one place for 8 hours and cried harder than I ever have in my life. I was terrified all of those embryos would not make it and that we had wasted all that time and money and the physical discomfort from the drugs and retrieval was for nothing. When there was only 1 good egg at transfer, I was incredibly disappointed but the doctor kept saying it only takes one!!! But I spent that whole TWW thinking it had failed. So I was shocked when it wasn't!

I just graduated from my fertility clinic yesterday and met my new OB today. My RE says that I should come back 3-4 months after the baby is born and consider doing IVF again if I want more children. I am totally open to it, but will just focus on getting through this pregnancy. Some days I still can't believe that this is actually real. I was TTC for 15 months, which is not as long as some people but felt like an eternity to me. Especially when EVERYONE around me was snapping their fingers and getting a BFP naturally.

Fisher: I see you are having a girl! That's amazing! Did you have a gut feeling about the gender? I've felt from the beginning that I'm having a boy, we did a 12 week 4D scan at my fertility clinic and it definitely looked like a boy but not 100% confirmed. However, I keep dreaming that I'm having a girl and totally confused! I don't have a preference either way, after all I've been through I just want a healthy baby!

 

[ttcbaby117]

Thanks for sharing your stories ladies! Can I ask how old you both are? It seems the chance of this working is based on your age.

I wonder if my eggs are ok but it seems the only way they can really tell is once they get in there and test them.

To be honest, I am beside myself right now. All the feelings you discuss in your stories are resonating with me right now. I was so sure this IUI was all we needed and I am still so shocked it didnt work. I am so afraid of so many things right now that I dont know what to do with myself. I just want these horrible feelings to go away. Anyway, thank you again for sharing. I speak with my dr on a phone consult in about 15 minutes. I will let you know what she says.