3 weeks tomorrow..

[birdiex]

So tomorrow I would have been 9+6, 3 weeks since I lost my precious angel.

I am so unsure how to feel.. I've been numb ever since. I never knew real love until I knew there was my LO inside me, and now she's gone, so is that part of me. It gets harder every day to see pregnant women, and though I'm a lot less of a mess now than I was, every time I think of her or anyone mentions pregnancy I want to throw up.

Even the MIL the other day was saying how I just didn't know how it felt to be pregnant, and I just wanted to scream out "YES I DO!!!!!!!!" Nobody knows except me and OH.. It's private, our little one, our loss, our pain to deal with. I'd love to get a tattoo to remember her but I'm deathly worried somebody will see it and I will have to tell people what happened - I mean, it hurts so bad but when I verbalise it, even to my OH, it makes it feel so much fresher and

I miss my sweet sweet baby, and I am gutted. I love my gorgeous Angel more than anything else I have ever felt, and that will never change.
When will i feel like me again though? I'm so numb and joyless

This is also the first time i've worked up the courage to post here.. Like I said, verbalising or typing brings it back.

 

[Emmea12uk]

This is my first mc and you are further ahead of me. I just wanted to say that your love for your unborn child grows day by day more than you can ever imagine and if you get pregnant again, that love will be twice as strong.

Mc happens for a reason - we were spared a lot more sadness as the baby could never have been viable. Much better to loose it in the first tri than later or even after it is born. A baby is a miracle that can't go right everytime and nature knows when to switch the off button and allow you to start again. Even that is miraculous in itself.

You will heal in time and your love will find something new to attach to.

 

[animalcracker]

I am so sorry for your loss Birdiex. 'Numb' is the perfect word for how I am feeling too.

I have my D&C scheduled for tomorrow morning. This evening I had to go to the hospital to pre-register for the surgery. While I was in the waiting room, a heavily pregnant woman walked in. I felt as if I was getting kicked in the stomach. I was pre-registering for a D&C and she was there for a routine pregnancy check up it seems.

This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Like you I will be thinking of my LO for the rest of my life. If getting a tattoo will make you feel a little better, go right ahead. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to what your tattoo means. You just tell them it's private or in honor of someone very dear to you who passed away.

Much love and strength to you.

 

[BabyQ]

The tattoo is a lovely idea xxx

it's so hard for weeks... but i promise, whilst you will never forget or stop loving your lost one it does get better. You will return to your old self, just with an added extra of being able to fully understand and help others who have gone through this too.

I left b&b for a while after my mc, i didn't talk to my 3 pregnant friends much, i didn't log onto facebook for a while and I didn't bring it up in conversation with family.

Now I can honestly say, just over 3 months on I am planning my wedding, getting my final year training done to qualify, finishing the house and planning a move next year before we start to TTC again. I never thought I could feel 'excited' again over anything. Pregnant people still bug me, they are everywhere and all my friends seem to be 'trying' but you find your own ways to cope with this, for me it's dreaming of next year, as a married woman in our lovely new home ready to TTC again.

I hope you start to feel better soon hun xxx

 

[birdiex]

Thankyou girls

I'm sorry for your losses! It's definately hard but one day at least, whenever I fall pregnant in the future they'll have a big sister up in heaven to watch out for them. That's the positive thought that keeps me going xx