3 yrs today, and just need to share (long)

[rachjim98]

First of let me start by saying Hello to all of you.
My name is Rach and I was a regular on here right after we lost our baby girl Rebecca 3 yrs ago. I found this site while searching for answers to how a woman who has had 2 healthy children and pregnancy's could lose a baby at 20 weeks. I just couldn't understand and needed some answers. Thank God I found this site!!! It saved me from the darkness that was swallowing me up. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life!

So here is a little about me and my story.
I was very excited about having our 3rd child, we didnt expect it but was thrilled! Everything was going good and the ultrasounds (we had 4 by the way) were fine. Rebecca was growing a developing as she should. We went it for our 20 week ultrasound and just knew something wasnt right. The nurse was acting funny she wouldn't turn the screen our way. Then she asked me what Dr. I was seeing today and placed a white sheet over my tummy and left the room. She came back in 5 mins later with the Dr. and he proceeded to show us Rebecca on the screen and said see this is her spine and her little feet and hands and this is her heart.... which is not beating, I will never as long as I live forget those words!!! I'm sorry but her heart is not beating

It has been 3 yrs to the date and almost the hour that we were told she had died. I was instructed to call the hospital and set up a time to go in and give birth to my dead daughter. They told me to come in in the morning which is her birthdate November 19, 2008. We did as they instructed and 8 hours later I gave birth to a beautiful angel named Rebecca Ann . so tiny but she was perfect. .. We later found out it was a genetic disorder that caused her death.

I wish it would have turned out different but I wouldnt give up one second of the time I had with her growing inside me and being a part of my life for that short 20 weeks NO ONE can ever take that from me!
I still carry this grief with me on a daily bases, it has gotten lighter and I have accepted this but its always there. It doesnt control me like it use to. Certain times of year or even things like seeing a mom with her brand new baby at the store. I dont break down but I smile and I think of my angel Rebecca.
Thanks for listening

 

[babylou]

hugs to you and lots of floaty kisses to Rebecca xxx

I don't think anyone of us will forget our Angels, and it's good to know you smile and remember Rebecca now...

Thankyou for sharing your story

 

[Andypanda6570]

Thank you for being so brave for sharing your precious Rebecca with us
I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and at 40 I got the shock of my life finding out we were pregnant, but God I was overjoyed I went for the Amnio on February 28th and at 20 weeks my Ava was gone, my life since then 8 months ago is and never ever will be the same.. I choose not to get the D&E I choose to give birth in my home against my doctors advice. We buried my Angel on 3/11/2011 and just now almost 9 months do I feel ready to try again. I went from being done with having a child to all I think about is having a child, I miss her so very much. The pain never goes away and I pray one day i will smile when I think of her instead of breaking down. grief is a horrible process, but it does help and things get a bit easier, but your heart ,soul and being will never be complete , ever . Thank you for being SO very brave and sharing your story and your Rebecca with us, believe me these ladies saved my life they are the best and I wouldn't know what to do without them. My name is Andrea and I am here for you whenever you need a friend..
XOXOOXOXOXO

 

[mhazzab]

Hi Rach,

thank you for sharing your story with us, I love Rebecca's name, so pretty. I am thinking of little Rebecca, and all her family today.

It's nice to hear that she is still a part of your life, that you find things easier to deal with now, but always still remember her. 5 months on from losing my twins at 23 weeks, I am find it much easier to come to terms with now (most days, anyway). This might sound terrible, but I am terrified that by moving forward, I might come to a stage where maybe I forget my girls a little. It's good to know that it's possible to move forward and yet still have our angels in our lives, remembering them with a smile

take care today, lots of love to your angel xxx

 

[Hellylou]

Hi Rach, thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry for your loss.

These anniversaries must be so hard, but it is comforting to see how you keep Rebecca with you always, and that the pain has eased somewhat. It is always lovely to meet people who are further on down the journey and see how they are getting on now. It gives some insight how our journeys may progress.

I lost my little boy Thomas 2 months ago at 16 weeks to PPROM. I am still waiting for some answers as to how or why, like you, I could have 2 normal pregnancies and then for this one to go so terribly wrong. This site has been wonderful for me too, and I don't know what I would have done without the support of these ladies.

Hugs

 

[DueSeptember]

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi Rach, thank you for sharing Rebecca with us. It is good to know that it is possible to smile when remembering our angels instead of crying. I hope the day's anniversary went well for you and your family. Best wishes and floaty kisses to your angel xxx

 

[amotherslove]

i'm so sorry for your loss, thanks for sharing. rebecca is so lucky to have you as her mother

 

[yazoo]

Hi Rach, thank you for sharing your angel Rebecca's story with us. I hate that this has happened to you. Your story has gave me some sort of comfort though and I look forward to the day when I can think of my boy and smile.

Floaty kisses to Rebecca. xxxx