38, Getting Married and Now Fiance is Now Backing Out of TTC

[Mia750]

I apologize in advance if this is the wrong forum.

So....my fiance and I have been engaged since January of 2018 (been together 7 years). We are finally approaching our wedding date! I'm excited, he's excited and I thought we had made a plan toward our future but he's now changing his position.

Several months ago we discussed at least trying for our first child in July. He and I are both 38. To add to our situation, I had a surgery to remove fibroids that impeded my ovulation last August 2018, specifically to prepare for a family. At my follow up appointment, my doctor reminded us that we needed to consider having a child sooner rather than later because the fibroids could come back, which would equal ANOTHER surgery for me.

With all of this in mind, my fiance has been really irritable lately. Yesterday he told me that he wants to wait longer (additional 6 months) to try to conceive. I'm so frustrated and angry with him. He said he is overwhelmed right now with the wedding, a possible move and baby talk. I don't know what else to do. How can I approach him about this? I don't feel like the issue is resolved because he is completely changing our family plan because of his temporary feelings. He isn't the sole provider (I make more than him) and I share all of the household responsibilities with him so frankly I'm offended that he is so overwhelmed when I'm in the same situation he is in.

On the other hand, should I simply leave it alone. I am super frustrated. Looking for advice from others over 35 TTC. Will the road be hard? I don't want to wake up and decided to try several months from now and find out it won't happen OR will take years.

 

[Lyndag]

Hello Mia it sounds like he just a bit overwhelmed and can’t think of two many things at once my hubby can be like that. I would maybe agree to leave the baby talk until after the wedding then discuss it then he will probably be less stressed and able to cope with babies and planning.

 

[Suggerhoney]

Hay bless you. What's that saying womon are from Venus and men are from mars lol. I really don't understand men. I can understand how frustrating this is for you.
I'm 39 and TTC and alot of womon are now having children in there late 30s early 40s. I was worrying like mad about my age but so many womon get pregnant even in there early 40s so I think your be fine hun.
I've been doing ovulation tests and got my positive today. I was worried I wasn't gonna ovulate because I had the contraceptive implant in and I haven't long had to removed. Have you tried sitting down and explaining to him that as womon our body clocks are ticking. It's ok for men they can still have babies when there in there 60s but us womon have a clock going tick tick tick.
When is ure wedding?

 

[mimi4]

Hello Mia it sounds like he just a bit overwhelmed and can’t think of two many things at once my hubby can be like that. I would maybe agree to leave the baby talk until after the wedding then discuss it then he will probably be less stressed and able to cope with babies and planning.

so does my hubby, he can concentrate only on one thing, and it does not depend on how big the issue is

 

[crownest]

Is he overwhelmed by the thoughts of the baby or the TTC process. If its the TTC could you agree to NTNP for 6 months you can track ovulation etc and just not tell him you are actively trying

 

[MissDoc]

I'm sorry, that's really stressful. My husband can't mentally or emotionally multitask either. I think I would say, "I totally understand babe, it's likely to take quite a long time anyhow, so I'm not comfortable totally putting it off, but I can totally agree to drop it as a subject and not 'try try', just ditch the protection and go with the flow for 6 months, and then start timing and tracking and trying legitimately after that. Let's just think of this 6 months as fun practice, wink wink."

That's what I would say to HIM, but I myself would be tracking and breaking out the lingerie on the right days. And if he's curious why you're all the sudden so interested in sex like every other day all the time, you can blame it on the wedding. Ooh I just feel so attracted to you now getting to call you husband. Lol. And I'd toss the ovulation sticks and HPTs in a trash can in my closet or somewhere out of shared space.

Honestly, that all sucks that you have to bear the emotional weight and stress alone while doing your best to make it easy breezy beautiful for him, but better that than more delays.