38 & TTC : Terrified but Excited

[FlownTheLoop]

Hello. I'm a newbie here, so I'm a bit nervous to post! You can call me Flown if you'd like! This forum is so reassuring and inspirational!

I just turned 38 last week, and my husband (almost 38 yo) and I started casually TTC during this cycle. We have been together for over 20 years now, and we have always been extremely careful in using contraception (and avoiding pregnancies). I have never been pregnant, so I am terrified but excited at the same time.

My husband actually brought up the prospect of trying after we had a pregnancy scare (that turned out to not be so scary) back in January, and we had a productive discussion that resulted in us deciding to TTC. I guess our relationship has been undergoing another evolution/maturation--and we have become more settled down and stable (financially, physically, and emotionally) in recent years. The thought of us being parents makes my heart swell, and I only hope that I can be a good enough mother.

We have always been the oddballs/black sheep in our families, and our parents gave up on getting any grandchildren from us many years ago. My older sister is my polar opposite and has 7 children (5 of her own and 2 stepchildren). The hubby and I have not told anyone that we are TTC (except a few very close personal friends). If we do manage to conceive, I have no idea how I will break the news to our families. I'm not sure why I'm so afraid (is it obvious that I have anxiety issues?). I guess I feel like there is so much shame placed on us once we reach a certain age.

Anyway, so sorry for rambling. Please do feel free to provide any reassurances, etc!

 

[Dimples81]

Hello. I'm a newbie here, so I'm a bit nervous to post! You can call me Flown if you'd like! This forum is so reassuring and inspirational!

I just turned 38 last week, and my husband (almost 38 yo) and I started casually TTC during this cycle. We have been together for over 20 years now, and we have always been extremely careful in using contraception (and avoiding pregnancies). I have never been pregnant, so I am terrified but excited at the same time.

My husband actually brought up the prospect of trying after we had a pregnancy scare (that turned out to not be so scary) back in January, and we had a productive discussion that resulted in us deciding to TTC. I guess our relationship has been undergoing another evolution/maturation--and we have become more settled down and stable (financially, physically, and emotionally) in recent years. The thought of us being parents makes my heart swell, and I only hope that I can be a good enough mother.

We have always been the oddballs/black sheep in our families, and our parents gave up on getting any grandchildren from us many years ago. My older sister is my polar opposite and has 7 children (5 of her own and 2 stepchildren). The hubby and I have not told anyone that we are TTC (except a few very close personal friends). If we do manage to conceive, I have no idea how I will break the news to our families. I'm not sure why I'm so afraid (is it obvious that I have anxiety issues?). I guess I feel like there is so much shame placed on us once we reach a certain age.

Anyway, so sorry for rambling. Please do feel free to provide any reassurances, etc!

Hey Flown, I find it easier to break things down. Don’t worry about telling people until it happens. There is no shame in being older and more sorted. I’m late to the party too, but life is life and things don’t always work out how we plan. The advantages are that you are more stable now. Xx

 

[Suggerhoney]

I'm 39 and will be 40 in December and I am 12 weeks pregnant.
Just wanted to wish u the best of luck. Many womon have babies in there late 30s and early 40s these days it's kind of become the norm.
I say go for it no matter what age u are I think it's wrong how older women get alot of slack for wanting a baby. Why shud all the youngsters have all the fun that's what I say. And 38 39 and 40 isn't old. My aunt had my cousin when she was 41 so 38 is not to old.
Good luck hon. Hope u fall quickly

 

[Wish2BMom]

Hi Flown!! GOOD LUCK and baby dust to you!!
DH and I decided to start trying when I was 37 and were very careful in years before that. We were late to the game too - my sister had 2, all of our friends had at least one. It took awhile for us to get pregnant (that doesn't mean it will for you so pay no mind), our parents had given up on us giving them grandchildren, etc. Similar story. But I can say there is ZERO shame or judgement that we've felt. We had twin boys in Jan of 2018, I was 42 when I had them and they are the absolute light of our lives and EVERYONE loves them - still zero judgement. Or if there is, I'm far too elated to notice. But as far as I can tell, everyone is happy for us and celebrates our family.
Be confident in your decision to wait - you waited until YOU were ready. That's what we did. We wanted to not struggle, wanted to provide security, a stable home and be able to afford them. Sure my body may have cooperated a bit more in my 20's but we would have struggled SO much. Quite frankly, our relationship wasn't steady enough for children until then either (we, too, had to go through maturation evolutions! )
I hope things happen quickly and easily for you!!

 

[FlownTheLoop]

Hey Flown, I find it easier to break things down. Don’t worry about telling people until it happens. There is no shame in being older and more sorted. I’m late to the party too, but life is life and things don’t always work out how we plan. The advantages are that you are more stable now. Xx

Thanks, Dimples!

 

[FlownTheLoop]

I'm 39 and will be 40 in December and I am 12 weeks pregnant.
Just wanted to wish u the best of luck. Many womon have babies in there late 30s and early 40s these days it's kind of become the norm.
I say go for it no matter what age u are I think it's wrong how older women get alot of slack for wanting a baby. Why shud all the youngsters have all the fun that's what I say. And 38 39 and 40 isn't old. My aunt had my cousin when she was 41 so 38 is not to old.
Good luck hon. Hope u fall quickly

Congratulations, Suggerhoney! I wish you luck on your pregnancy journey!! May I ask if this is your first pregnancy?

Thanks so much for the encouragement. My mother-in-law conceived her second son at 41, so I'm not sure why I'm so afraid of judgment from that side of the family! She can be a bit intimidating at times!

 

[FlownTheLoop]

Hi Flown!! GOOD LUCK and baby dust to you!!
DH and I decided to start trying when I was 37 and were very careful in years before that. We were late to the game too - my sister had 2, all of our friends had at least one. It took awhile for us to get pregnant (that doesn't mean it will for you so pay no mind), our parents had given up on us giving them grandchildren, etc. Similar story. But I can say there is ZERO shame or judgement that we've felt. We had twin boys in Jan of 2018, I was 42 when I had them and they are the absolute light of our lives and EVERYONE loves them - still zero judgement. Or if there is, I'm far too elated to notice. But as far as I can tell, everyone is happy for us and celebrates our family.
Be confident in your decision to wait - you waited until YOU were ready. That's what we did. We wanted to not struggle, wanted to provide security, a stable home and be able to afford them. Sure my body may have cooperated a bit more in my 20's but we would have struggled SO much. Quite frankly, our relationship wasn't steady enough for children until then either (we, too, had to go through maturation evolutions! )
I hope things happen quickly and easily for you!!

Wow! That is such a relief to hear, Wish2BMom! Your story warms my heart!

I definitely need to work on the confidence thing! We are in a good place right now, and we both cannot wait to (hopefully) bring a child into this world!

 

[Suggerhoney]

Congratulations, Suggerhoney! I wish you luck on your pregnancy journey!! May I ask if this is your first pregnancy?

Thanks so much for the encouragement. My mother-in-law conceived her second son at 41, so I'm not sure why I'm so afraid of judgment from that side of the family! She can be a bit intimidating at times!

No hon this isn't my first. I have 2 children well teenagers from a previous relationship.
And me and my husband have 2 children together so this will be my 5th child (I know nuts) but mine and hobbies 3rd baby together and our first being married as we wasnt married when we had DS and DD. Also my DD is 6 so there will be almost 7 years age gap so it's been a while lol.

I've also had 3 Misscariges.
No one shud ever judge you. I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to be more stable.
When we decided to ttc with this one I thought it wud take ages because of my age but we got pregnant with only 1 cycle so was very very lucky.
So it can happen hon.
I have it all crossed for you

 

[FlownTheLoop]

No hon this isn't my first. I have 2 children well teenagers from a previous relationship.
And me and my husband have 2 children together so this will be my 5th child (I know nuts) but mine and hobbies 3rd baby together and our first being married as we wasnt married when we had DS and DD. Also my DD is 6 so there will be almost 7 years age gap so it's been a while lol.

I've also had 3 Misscariges.
No one shud ever judge you. I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to be more stable.
When we decided to ttc with this one I thought it wud take ages because of my age but we got pregnant with only 1 cycle so was very very lucky.
So it can happen hon.
I have it all crossed for you

Thank you so much. Your support really means a lot to me! Here's to hoping this TTC process goes quickly for both of us!
You are not nuts at all. My sister has 5 children of her own (and 2 stepchildren as well), so I don't think it is crazy at all! I don't know how y'all do it, but I have so much respect!

 

[Rachael1981]

Just thought I would pop in and say hi! I'm also just turned 38 and will be TTC after my next cycle. I have a Daughter who is nearly 7 so will likely be 8 when #2 arrives. I think there are a lot people leaving babies until later in life when they're more stable etc

 

[Suggerhoney]

Thank you so much. Your support really means a lot to me! Here's to hoping this TTC process goes quickly for both of us!
You are not nuts at all. My sister has 5 children of her own (and 2 stepchildren as well), so I don't think it is crazy at all! I don't know how y'all do it, but I have so much respect!

Thank you hon. Really hope it happens super fast for you.

 

[napamermaid]

I was you at 34. Thought i was ancient!!! Ttc no 5 now at 40. Miscarried in march so just waiting for cycle to return.
Dont mind what people think or say. I get comments all the time with 4 and people are so rude with what they ask. Only last week a woman asked me were they all mine. I said yes with 4 different fathers. Shut her up pronto.
Good luck hope it happens fast for you xx

 

[FlownTheLoop]

Just thought I would pop in and say hi! I'm also just turned 38 and will be TTC after my next cycle. I have a Daughter who is nearly 7 so will likely be 8 when #2 arrives. I think there are a lot people leaving babies until later in life when they're more stable etc

Thanks for the encouragement, Rachael! Nice to meet you!

 

[FlownTheLoop]

I was you at 34. Thought i was ancient!!! Ttc no 5 now at 40. Miscarried in march so just waiting for cycle to return.
Dont mind what people think or say. I get comments all the time with 4 and people are so rude with what they ask. Only last week a woman asked me were they all mine. I said yes with 4 different fathers. Shut her up pronto.
Good luck hope it happens fast for you xx

Awwww. People are ridiculous, aren't they? I love your attitude though!

 

[mimi4]

Dont mind what people think or say. I get comments all the time with 4 and people are so rude with what they ask. Only last week a woman asked me were they all mine. I said yes with 4 different fathers. Shut her up pronto.
Good luck hope it happens fast for you xx

Amazing response

 

[Suggerhoney]

@napamermaid
Oh hon it's so good to see you back I'm been thinking about you and I am so sorry for ure loss.
Loved what u said to that lady Haha. I'm gonna have to remember that if ever that happens to me.
Anyway really good to see you posting again. U have been in my thoughts