39 and trying to conceive:-(

[PositiveUs]

I just realized that if I had just put all my efforts over the past year or more and money towards adopting, I would have a baby by now.

 

[Bonnie1990]

And maybe your BFP is around the corner. It's always a gamble

Hugs

 

[trying4four]

I just realized that if I had just put all my efforts over the past year or more and money towards adopting, I would have a baby by now.

 

[PositiveUs]

Well, I am about to really complain, so don't read if you don't want to. Waiting to see the new gyn friday. I feel crazy for not just seeing one of my 2 gyn's but they aren't available until aug 2nd and aug 6th for the consultation, and then the surgery has to be scheduled and God knows when they'll have time to do that, it could take another month or more, so I figure if the consult is july 13th, then it buys me at least a couple weeks. Then after the surgery, my body has to heal, which means no ttc for at least one month or more depending on when the surgery is done. This totally sucks. Meanwhile, my amh and afc and follicles are probably running out!
I gotta tell you, I am seriously depressed. I am tearful at any moment. I can tear up anytime for any reason.
Spotting and probably just starting my period by later today.
Bronchitis and now sinusitis also, gonna take steriod and antibiotic.
Tired, feeling fat and out of shape, don't want to do anything.
TTC is taking its ****ing toll.
My two best girlfriends are pregnant. One is about to give birth in august and the other did ivf and got prego the first time and is due november. WTF am I gonna do when the only 2 women I hang out with are giving birth and nursing infants? I am really hating my job. I don't make enough money in the south compared to up north. I will never probably visit any other countries, I will just be a loser with poor life choices and bad ovaries until I shrivel up slowly as I loose what looks I have left and shape fade away and soon no one will look at me anymore and I will be no good to anyone.
Hope you ladies feel a whole lot better than I do.
Sorry. I suck.

 

[PositiveUs]

Ok. That's it. I'm drinking tonight. I don't care what the consequences are.

 

[trying4four]

Sorry. I suck.

No you don't. You're human

 

[SunflowerMama]

I will just be a loser with poor life choices

just read on FB:
Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

Hope you are feeling better today! Big hug coming your way!

 

[PositiveUs]

Trying4four and SunflowerMama, your charts look good. Have you tested yet?

 

[Bonnie1990]

Positive.your not a looser. If TTC is what made us looser than there would be alot of us out there.
I hope your feeling a little better today.

 

[PositiveUs]

I feel better today about ttc, but now realizing why I don't drink!
Its not worth the hangover
I have to break free and have a few beers about every 3 months or so. I really hope that isn't ruining my chances and killing off the few eggs I have left! I just can't help it though, I have to blow off steam sometimes. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

Thanks for all the support.

 

[Bonnie1990]

Ugh hangovers.
I haven't been truly drunk in over a year at least.
I'm overdue for a good night out too!

 

[PositiveUs]

I def drink every once every 3 months. Just beer or wine, but like 3-4 cuz any more than that and I will throw up. It's bad I know. I can't help it though. I need it I guess. I really hope that its not doing too much damage to my eggs; I know it does some damage, but I guess I'm willing to pay the price? idk what I'm thinking actually. My fiance drinks twice a week; I stay in the bedroom while him and friends are over so I don't have to hear the festivities and music, but about every three months, I want to join them. I know he shouldn't be drinking while ttc but there's nooooooooooooooooooooo stopping that ever. I have to live with it. He has like 10 beers every time. I don't know how he does it. At this age, I can't handle even a couple beers or a glass of wine without feeling it the next day.

 

[Bonnie1990]

Hell a half a glass of wine puts me to sleep anymore!
DB is not into going out dancing or anything. Before we met I used to go out at least once a month and it was mixed drinks not beer & wine!
Id say my eggs would have been quite pickled. Lol
I don't think it's such a problem until you are def pregnant.

Oh yeah....bfn for me today

 

[PositiveUs]

I was looking at a thread on here about self inseminations. They take a syringe (without a needle obviously) and suck up the sperm and then prop their butts up and inject it as far up there as they can get it and stay there for 30 min. I always wonder if the sperm are actually getting to where they need to go. What if they are just ending up in the vaginal walls and not reaching the actual cervix? I have used soft cups in the past (obviously this didn't work for me yet) and they are weird but it makes you feel like your doing something to assist the situation. I would leave them in for like 12 hours. Its hard to get them out sometimes. I think this home self insemination sounds good to me, although my other half would think I was looney tunes if I even suggest something like that.
Using the soft cups I figured out exactly where the cervix is. It's soooo high up there! And it's soooooooooooooo weird feeling the inside of your body like that. And it's sooooooooooooooooo weird when you try pulling the soft cup out and can't. Who's gonna help you with that?! lol.

 

[Bonnie1990]

i dont feel the softcups at all once they are in. i usually try to take them out while im in the shower and squat down and bear down if i have a hard time grabbing it. one time i was really nervous that i couldn't get it out but i got it
i dont think using a syringe is not going to the get where they need to be any more or less than a penis. Neither method bypasses the cervix like IUI does so they all have to make their way somehow. I suggested the "turkey baster" idea one month out of desperation in scheduling-that's what i called it to him-i would have really used a softcup though the idea did not go over so well

after a talk today with db regarding my upcoming HSG and his SA it seems pretty clear that he is not interested in any IVF routes. hopefully all is clear and maybe a boost of clomid or the blast of the hsg is all we need.

 

[PositiveUs]

They say you are more likely to become pregnant in the first 3 months after an hsg or something close to that. Now that I am going to have this lap and hysteroscopy (at the same time) with a biopsy of the endometrial tissue, I was looking onine and this study said that pregnancy rate increases after endo biopsy due to all these factors that I don't understand (reading abstracts of scientific studies is not easy and I'm a nurse). Anyway. I wish you the best of luck with the hsg and with your numbers, and if his SA is good, I think for you it's really just a matter of time.

 

[PositiveUs]

New gyn will do the lap/hysteroscopy very soon, maybe in the next 3 weeks, doesn't matter if you're on your period or not he said
He did a physical exam down there and said that I have a nice uterus (lol). He said that it's not quite as moveable/pliable as it could be but that may be because I've never had a child. So based on his assessment, he said he doesn't expect to see a "frozen pelvis" or anything.
Don't even look up frozen pelvis unless you want to scare yourself to death! lol.
He said he will just take out the right tube if he can't unblock it and that it's better that way because I could be at risk for an ectopic if he just leaves it.
I will pray it looks pretty good in there.

 

[PositiveUs]

I asked the gyn today if I am in perimenaupause and he said "No". So thank God for small miracles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bonnie1990]

glad it went well with the new doc and hope you get the surgery soon.

 

[BabyBean14]

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