4 weeks pregnant-hard to be excited after having lost my last baby

[ToniT]

Hi im 4 weeks pregnant today,and was absolutley over the moon when i found out.i wanted this pregnancy so much! but last year in november i lost my little girl "Ruby" at 23 weeks.At our 20 week scan with her we were told that something was seriously wrong,i was told there was no amniotic fluid around and her kidneys appeared to be none functioning,because of these factors my babys chances of survival outside the womb were about 2%.Because her kidneys werent working,she wasnt urinating,which means there was no fluid,which then meant that her lungs wouldnt develope and grow without any fluid. i cant even begin to explain my devastion at this news!!
The options we were given were to carry on with the pregnancy and go to full term (even tho they said id most likely miscarrage if i carried on) or i could terminate.......after nearly 2 weeks of trying to decide what to do,we decided we would end the pregnancy.Hardest decision of my life! The way i see the justice in my decission was that i protected her by doing this! i knew she wasnt going to survive! i asked the doctors,if i do go full term "will she suffer when shes born" their response was "well,how would you feel if you couldnt breathe?" and thats what made up my mind really.i had the TFMR (termination for medical reasons) or as the docs call it "feticide" (i hate that word so much!) the 22nd of november 2011 and she was born the 25th of november 2011 weighing 1pound 2 ounces and now im blessed to have my own little angel in heaven and i know ill be with her up there one day! but......in the mean time ill just have to be patient.
So this is why im struggling to get excited with this pregnancy........im just so scared something will happen. i know worrying will only make it worse and that i should just try and relax but thats easier said than done
If any can share with me any advice or experience of a similar experience id be thankful. thankyou for reading.xxx

 

[Donna_barnes]

Hi there. I have just come across this post. I've been through something similar and am now cautiously pregnant again!! I wondered how you were getting on?xx

 

[GreyGirl]

So sorry, such a tragic story Congratulations on this pregnancy, how are you doing now?

 

[Sciencegal]

Congratulations!!! I am very sorry for your loss, but know what you are feeling. I am now 4 weeks. I lost my baby due to downs syndrome. Even though he stopped developing, my body continued for weeks with pregnancy symptoms. I had an elective d&c - but on my medical records it says "abortion". I even started freaking out before the surgery and they had to wheel an ultrasound into the operation room before they put me under (to try and calm me down) just so I could see him one last time and know for sure that he was really gone.

I am very nervous and cautious now. I am a bit torn. I don't want to get too attached to the thought of this baby and then be devastated. On the flip side, I want to embrace and enjoy every moment with this little life. We were on our last fertility cycle and it happened! This will be my last pregnancy, regardless of the outcome. I am starting to realize that love and optimism is probably the way to go. No matter how it turns out, I want to look back at this pregnancy and know that I loved the baby as much as I could. But I don't know how to turn off the worrying...

How are you getting along? I hope you are finding some peace.

 

[ToniT]

Thanks very much for your replies girls,im so sorry to hear of your losses too,but very happy to hear of your new pregnancies well im now 10 weeks and all seems well so far,i had a scan at 6+4 weeks and everything was perfect at that scan. Im still very cautious and havent let my guards down yet, dont think i ever will. Everyday raises a new little worry about something or other but i know worrying and stressing isnt going to affect the outcome of my pregnancy, trying to be in a "what will be, will be" frame of mind. Im trying hard to stay positive and take each day as it comes. I have my 12 weeks scan the 23rd of this month and am counting down the days (fingers crossed!) and in the meantime im just trying to stay positive and feeling optimistic that everything seems fine up to this point

How are you girls feeling? keep in touch, we'll be each others agony aunts lol, i know the way were feeling is perfectly natural and its something only a "PAL" can understand.
Hope your all ok xxx

 

[lily24]

Hi! So sorry for your terrible story. Life can seriously SUCK!

Im a teeny bit pregnant after 2 losses, one only last month. Im completly delighted as we tried for nearly 2 years but im DREADING the 12week scan as i found out first time round i had a MMC, the 12 week scan showed this.

I was to be delighted and plan things etc but i dont really know when i will be able to.

After my 12 week scan, which i pray everything is going well at, i think then i will settle down a bit. Lifes so cruel!

Wish you all the luck in the world

 

[ToniT]

You too hun i really wish you all the best for your pregnancy and hope this time it all works out for you,its gonna drag until that scan tho isnt it,an i totally know the feeling.For me tho its the 20 week scan thats the biggy as thats the one i had my bad news at,so i know i wont feel "settled" until then,feels like forever away! i have my fingers crossed for all of us, keep me posted hun, all the best xxx

 

[Donna_barnes]

I agree, the 20 weeks scan is the scary one!! Luckily because of what happened last time I'm going to be looked after by the fetal medicine unit who have kindly offered extra scans and will hopefully know at 15 weeks if all ok. Guess well all be on tenterhooks until we hold our babies in our arms. It's such a shame that we can't fully enjoy these precious moment what other people take for grated! Wish my biggest worry was morning sickness right now.

I'm praying for a happy and healthy pregnancy for all of us and how it's going to drag!!!

Xx

 

[Gem09]

Hi

I feel the same, im almost 5 weeks pregnant and cannot get excited!
I miscarried at 12 weeks in December 2010.

Once im over 12 weeks and everythings ok, i will hopefully feel more excited!

Happy and Healthy 9 months to all xxx

 

[Donna_barnes]

How far are you now Gem? X

 

[haileysmom]

Hi Girls, just reading up and feel very similar. in February I was just shy of 12 weeks when I found out my baby was only measuring 8.5 weeks and had no heartbeat. I just found out yesturday that I'm pregnant. I was sooo happy, then nervous, and also afraid its not true. I was told at the time of my loss, we could do early scans next time around to ease my mine, but i'm not sure if that will help or what I really want. But I just want to be happy and embrace this, but i'm kinda bummed I'm finding out so early at 4 weeks. I would have rather just found out after 5 months! so unlikely tho!

 

[asibling4gi04]

hi lasies..same boat here..two recent losses and 4 weeks, 3 days preggo..I have no nausea which worries me as with last two losses.. no nausea. With my full term daughter. sick from day 1 through month 5 with hyperemesis. I do not go in until 4/20 for any exam, test, scan etc. I am a nervous mess..Hugs and congrats! Sorry for the losses too!

 

[Gem09]

How far are you now Gem? X

If ive worked it out right i will be 5 weeks exactly tomorrow x

 

[Donna_barnes]

I've never wish time to go so fast in my life!!! Lol xxx

 

[MightyMom]

I know! I just want to fast forward to 12 weeks! Or 20! Or 25!