4th baby?

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by twinklestar25, Jan 12, 2020.

  1. twinklestar25

    twinklestar25 Well-Known Member

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    weve just had our 3rd baby after a 6yr gap, he is our 3rd boy.
    We’re considering a 4th so that the 3rd has a sibling close in age. We’re worried about him feeling alone or left out when the others get a bit bigger, they have a 3yr gap & are 9&6.
    My view is a little clouded as I never wanted a big gap between children as I grew up with 7yrs diff between myself & brother (me been the eldest) and even tho were good friends now it was far from that growing up, felt there was a lot if expectation from me & been relied on a lot to help with him & he wasn’t an easy child! Although has grown up very well with a good job & family of his own. I always wished I’d had a closer sibling growing up.
    My perspective is from been the older child too, I’m not sure what it would be like for the younger child growing up with a gap, maybe not as bad.

    Part of me thinks our youngest will have the best of both worlds- 2 older brothers but also kinda a feeling of been an only child when they get older & are out more etc.

    From our point of view I think having 1 little child is easier
    , not bringing up a baby with a toddler/pre-schooler & no one for him to fight or argue with! But also no one to play with .
    The older ones are only going to want to do things with him for a certain amount of time before they’re off doing their own thing I’d of thought. They already spend a lot of time on their computers in their room.

    And due to my childhood I would deffo not force them to play with him or do things for him (the occasional thing is ok) although would encourage a sibling relationship & ensure we all spend time together.

    So I don’t know whether to have another so he can have the relationship our elder 2 have or leave it as it is.
    We’re older now at 34&35 too so if we had another I would get preg next yr when I’m 35. Never really wanted to still be having children at this stage but it took us a long time to go for number 3 & I do wish we had sooner. But indecision & big life events (getting married/return to uni) delayed it.

    I guess I’d just like to know peoples experience with big age gaps &/or 3-4 children. It feels like it would be 2 sets of children really.
    Part of me feels why put ourselves through it again, sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, juggling toddler & baby etc but another feels a tiny bit sad to be done but maybe I’d always feel that & the sibling got our youngest. I mean our baby is only 3 months old! On the other hand it would be nice to move on & be done but I feel I could maybe do 1 more soon and then be done too.

    Sorry it turned out so long!
     
  2. OnErth&InHvn

    OnErth&InHvn Mom to 4

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    We have 14 yrs old, 13 yrs old, 12 yrs old and a 3 weeks old. I didnt choose that gap, ovarian cancer chose it for me. We had already talked about #5...we knew close to #4 but NOT as close as the older three kids. Then #4 birth was rough and im on the fence. Cancer last year, 34 years old and her birth, I'm not sure I want or can do it again.
     
  3. Tishybabe

    Tishybabe Well-Known Member

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    I grew up in a family of 3, and I’m in the middle of two boys. My parents had a 2 year gap between my older brother and I, then 7.5 years later had my younger brother.
    I had a lot of responsibility over him because of my mother working, and the two boys didn’t really grow up together at all... even now as adults, they are not connected and while the two of us older ones are married with children, he is in university still at home. He was raised pretty much as an only child. I know every family is different, that’s just my experience.
     
  4. Suggerhoney

    Suggerhoney 40 and wtt 2021

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    I'm in the exact same position. My DS is 9 and DD is 7 and my baby boy is just coming up to 4 months. He was going to be our last baby but I really miss being pregnant so we decided pretty early on that we will try for our 4th and last baby together. I do have 2 from a previous relationship 17 and 14 as well.

    I'm alot older than you I've just turned 40 so age really isnt on my side and my husband will be 45 in may but I wud really love just one more.
    There are 7 years between my baby boy and my youngest child and like you said they get bored easily and will only play with him for a short while.
    I just think it wud be nice having 2 close in age so he has a wee sibling to grow up with.

    We are going to start trying next year. I'll be 41 so I know that's pushing it but I know if I leave it and then get to to 43 44 and to old to conceive I will regret it so were just going to go for it.
    Good luck with what ever decision u make. Try not to worry about age I've been told by many medical professionals that lots and lots of womon are having babies in there 40s now. Society and the whole over 35 thing puts so much presure on womon but theres a few ladies on here that are 43 and when 46 and pregnant naturally. Age is just a number dont put to much presure on yourself about age. Ure alot younger than me.
    If u do decide to try next year please feel free to join my post in the waiting to try thread. Its titled waiting and waiting and waiting 2021 momies.
    I've a feeling I'm gonna a be seeing u over there:D
     
  5. Flowerpot

    Flowerpot A new mammy to baby Lucia

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    I worried about the same. I never wanted big age gaps but it's just the way life panned out. My youngest will be almost 6, my eldest 8. My partner and I wanted another, deep down I worried about them essentially being an only child too but didn't want to admit it. 4 children were out of the question. But mother nature had her own opinion and we are now expecting twins. Finances are going to be massively stretched and our house crowded but that niggling worry about them being lonely has gone. There's positives and negatives to both sides but since the decision was taken out of our hands, we are really happy that this has happened. I don't think I'd have been brave enough to make that decision to try for a 4th if it was left to me to decide.
     
  6. twinklestar25

    twinklestar25 Well-Known Member

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    Gosh I’m so sorry to read what you’ve been through. I guess we have to put ourselves first sometimes, I guess it’s like I want someone to say, you don’t HAVE to have another just to give another sibling, (not completely the only reason) I know that really but ya know. Incidentally my thoughts for you would be exactly that! You have been through so much, maybe time to enjoy your family without always thinking when the next is going to be (well that’s what I’m like anyway) but it
    Is hard as these are such big life decisions.
    I’d like to have a decison & move on but maybe we will see how we feel next yr, maybe you could, although you do sound quite finalised. 3 weeks in is hard, it gets easier come 3 months and you might feel different or just be able
    To make the final decision with a clear head, not whilst in the throws of a newborn x
     
  7. twinklestar25

    twinklestar25 Well-Known Member

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    This is kinda my worry. But having said that, although we wernt friends during our childhood and I do carry some resentment for the expectations placed on me (not my brothers fault) now we’re adults we do get on and have get togethers, pop in to see each other, babysit each others kids so it is nice now and I’m glad I have him, might be nice if we were a little closer in age but it feels like the age gap is closing now we’re adults. Would of been nice to have a closer relationship as kids though (and I guess that’s the question- do I have another to provide that for our youngest or is the potential strain it could cause not worth it) but it’s worked out in the end.
    Boys might be different, I think they don’t tend to start growing up or maturing till about 15! They’re happy to muck around wrestling each other or playing computers games etc where as been a teenage girl with a younger brother, I wanted my own space wasn’t interested in playing games etc.
     
  8. twinklestar25

    twinklestar25 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the reassurance, I just got all goose bumpy & smiled when I read your last sentence, we will see!
     
    Suggerhoney likes this.
  9. twinklestar25

    twinklestar25 Well-Known Member

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    Wow, although twins seem like it will be hard it’s brilliant that it’s worked out that way for the sibling reason! congratulations x
     
    Flowerpot likes this.
  10. Suggerhoney

    Suggerhoney 40 and wtt 2021

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    Ure very welcome sweety. Feel free to come over any time.
     

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