4th loss in a row - now what?

[LacePrincess]

I'm having my fourth loss in a row. My third in the last year. There are no words for how much this sucks.

My hcg is in the toilet (bhcg was 26 at 17dpo yesterday) but my body won't even start bleeding so I can't even stop the stupid Prometrium. The limbo from hell.

The worst part is my RE sounds like he's grasping at straws. It's not good when the best your RE can say is "well maybe you should just stop caffeine entirely, it might help!" Really?!?

I've been tested for everything my clinic tests for. Thyroid (full panel multiple times), full thrombo panel, the works. I haven't been tested for MTHFR because my RE doesn't believe in it but I'm taking methylfolate on my own which should take care of any MTHFR factors.

I'm also taking aspirin (on my own) and prometrium when I get a bfp. I will push for Prednisone and Heparin when I see my RE, I just hope I don't have to fight him.

I'm so sad, and angry, and lonely. I can't find anyone IRL who understands this agony, this pain. They all think I should give up since I have kids already, but I'm sure everyone here understands why I can't....there's just something missing from our family and it does feel like this little soul keeps trying to find us and hasn't been able to yet. I can't take a break either because one of my dx's is DOR and egg quality and every month, every egg matters.

But now I feel like I've outstripped my clinic's expertise and now what? Immunologists costs a fortune and are hard to find. I do have a tendency to have slightly out of range high platelets (433-525) so I've also been recommended to see a hematologist. All of it seems just - so MUCH. It's gotten to the point where a gazillion meds and supps and needles is routine.

I used to think that RPL is hell on earth, and yeah it really is. It's so cruel to get so close and fail every time. I feel like my heart is pulverized but I keep getting up, and keep going.

I guess I just wanted to talk to folks that understand how it is, yk? I try to talk to people I know, and I get things like "well why don't you just stop?" and "have you tried yoga/juicing/holistic XYZ/just relaxing". No one ever just listens without trying to be helpful, when I think that what I really want to hear is just "I'm sorry. I'm here to listen and be here for you." Why can't people just say that?

I feel like I've been in mourning on my own little island for the last two years and it really really really sucks.

 

[OmarsMum]

I'm so sorry for your losses

Why can't you stop the Prometrium? I was on Duphastone and both times I was adviced to stop it after the mcs were confirmed. Did you miscarry naturally or you went for D&C? D&C can cause scarring which might cause mcs.

I'm on the same boat, I did all tests, but all were normal, I had 3 mcs in a row, 1 chemical, 1 mmc & the 3rd was a blighted ovum. I don't bleed or miscarry naturally.

Did your OH do any tests? Mine did semen analysis & the results weren't good, he had issues with motility & movement. We are both on supplements to improve the quality of his sperms & my eggs.

I did all tests (thrombin, lupus, thyroid, liver function, B12 to out rule Mthfr factor, vit D, texsoplama, CBC) but all were normal.

I started to spot before AF few months back and I was scared it was caused by uterus scarring from the D&Cs but the dr gave me clomid to check if the cause is due to low progesterone, this cycle I did not spot after using clomid.

I only have 1 child who's 6, we're been trying for baby #2 for almost 3 years with no success.

I know how you feel, I also don't have anyone IRL who can understand how I feel xx

 

[LacePrincess]

(((OmarsMum)))

I'm starting to think there's something to the theory about having boys triggering antibodies leading to RPL issues later. Not that my RE will acknowledge that study I'm sure.

Yeah we've done all the testing. My DH's Kruger analysis came back with crap morphology (4%) so that's our main male factor issue. All my testing is normal so far - thyroid, thromophilia panel, factor V, a whole bunch of other things I don't have the full list of, even Vit D levels. The only thing I haven't had done yet is karyotyping but we're doing that now. (Skipped before because we already had kids together).

We're both on a tonne of $$$ supps too.

I usually naturally miscarry, except for Dec when I had that mmc. Otherwise it usually passes on its own. Right now I'm just continuing with the Prometrium because my hpt's aren't bfn yet. My RE wants me to go back next Wed for another beta, I guess theoretically a miracle could happen or something but I'm not holding my breath to be that 1 in a 1000. Once my HPT goes to stark white BFN I'll stop the Prometrium.

I've never had a d&c thankfully! Even with my mmc I was avoiding it like the plague because I'm so terrified of scarring and having even MORE issues. I already have too many (DOR, poor IVF responder, blocked right tube, MF morphology) I don't want anymore!!

I'm glad to find people here on bnb that knows how it feels, because no one IRL does. It's even hard on TTC boards because the stat is what, 1% of 1% to be secondary IF *and* RPL? I don't like this club!

 

[OmarsMum]

I avoid other boards, most of the time I don't even know where to post, I wish I had answers for what's going on, we are holding on ttc for now, last year my son's holiday was ruined with the mc.

I'm giving ttc another try in September, I can't risk going for more D&Cs , I don't dilate or miscarry naturally, there are serious risks if I have to go for a D&C again.

I really hope your pregnancy works this time xx

 

[LacePrincess]

Omarsmum, I'm so sorry about the D&C part for you. That really really sucks on top of a terrible situation.

I know how you feel, I found out about my MMC like 5 days before last Christmas......and then the misosprostol stalled so I ended up miscarrying. On Christmas. And dragging myself to the ER on Boxing Day. WORST holiday season EVER.

I don't have the luxury of taking a break though, not anymore.....I'm dx'ed with DOR and I'm just plain running out of time.....it'll be full steam ahead until menopause. My heart and soul feels like mincemeat though.

 

[ReadynWaiting]

Lace sorry you are going through this again. Your story sounds much like mine. We have been trying for our 3rd baby for 2.5 years. We have had 6 miscarriages and no answers. The losses have ranged from 4.5 weeks to 12 weeks. I have been seeing a naturopath for the last few months, Accupuncture 2x/week with a massive amount of supplements to improve egg quality. I have DOR as well, age 38 and feel like my time is running out.
I feel like throwing in the towel even though I too feel like my last child is waiting to join us still. I am part of a support group irl but everyone has a different story and none include RPL. If you want to chat, vent, scream, cry I'm hear to listen.

 

[LacePrincess]

Ready, I'm so so sorry. Our stories do sound very similar! Our ages are similar too.

I'm just a black hole. The whole world is grey.....I mean I keep going, doing my daily things, taking care of my boys but it's so hard when all I want I can't seem to have. Everyone just tells me to find a hobby, volunteer, go back to school, find a job....but I DON'T WANT that. I don't get why no one in my RL so far can be compassionate without trying to 'fix' something that's not fixable!

I want my babies.

I'm so alone, literally, with this loss too. Hubby is military and posted to a city 2.5 hours drive away, so he's usually back on the weekends but away during the week. Spiritually and literally alone - very very tough. I do have a therapist and I'm looking for a RL support group but it's hard to find. There is a support group at my fertility centre but the majority are primary IF so I can't even talk about it much as I have kids and they don't.

Do you feel like any of what you've done so far has helped? I feel like everyone has some snake oil to sell me, yk? They all stand to make $$$ off my pain and trying to entice me with hope. It's so predatory. My RE would push for PGS with IVF. Naturopaths, dieticians, TCM, nutritionists, there's a fertility 'expert' out there for everything. A friend told me to try juicing!!! I'm like yeah I don't think juice will clear my blocked tube or de-age my eggs......!

New theory from the RE is that my husband's bad morphology (4% on strict Kruger) is making defective embryos, and there might be fragmentation too. He's on FertilePro + L-Carnitine and Vit C but I'm also starting him on Vit D and methylfolate.

Is there anything you think has worked or helped you? I feel like it's all placebos. My RE seems to think eventually something will stick, as we can at least get a bfp, but how many more losses before it breaks me?

I know I will get up and get back on the horse and try again. Right now my body is stuck and that means I can't move on.....I can't believe I might need misoprostol for a freaking 4w loss. At least it's not an ectopic I guess. My standards for 'good' news these days is very low.

Thanks for listening, Ready! I'm glad to find someone on the boards who's been through something similar.

 

[ReadynWaiting]

I def feel everything you do. I waver back and forth, good days and bad. I say I want to throw in the towel but I know I'm still not ready. I'm surrounded by people that keep having more babies around the same age and no one has the issues we have. I don't even know what our freakin issues are!!
I strongly resonate with what I'm doing to make my body as healthy as possible and working with the naturopath. She practices TCM as well so I feel like we are getting closer to the root of the problem...do I know if it will all work out? Only time will tell. This is the first month back ttc and bfn followed by af. I have noticed a remarkable change in my body as far as how I feel. I am always cold and tired (blood deficiency) which the past 2 months has been greatly improved. The diet changes (no gluten and sugar) have made a difference also in my reg gastric upset (nausea, acid reflux, headaches-all gone). I can't tell you if I have better egg quality as I haven't been tested since but generally I feel better. My overall view of the situation differs day to day.
I saw an RE in Jan and I didn't like his band aid approach so I never went back. My feeling is if I can't do this naturally than it wasn't meant to be. And that is something that I will have to learn to deal with if my baby doesn't come earth side.
A great site/program to check out that I really connect with is makingbabiesprogram.com. There is an online questionnaire that will give you what you need to do for your body type TCM.

 

[LacePrincess]

Thanks for the link, Ready! I will check it out.

It's funny, I think I'm the opposite of you....I prefer to go with medical science except right now my RE is running out of options/tests/ideas. I have one more IVF planned in a few months and then I can't afford anymore. So if that doesn't work then I'm going to be at the end of options at the clinic. My clinic doesn't do controversial/cutting edge stuff, so they can't do IVIG and I can't afford anymore IVF/PGS.

I'm not really a believer in naturopaths/holistic stuff but I'm desperate enough to try (almost) anything at this point. We'd adopt but because we already have kids there's like a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting a baby.

At least I started a full on bleed this morning, so I'm no longer in limbo. I feel very sad but at least things are progressing so less frustrating. I'm trying not to think too far ahead or catastrophize too much like I usually do - that doesn't help! One day at a time.

It is completely maddening to not know why this is happening. We've lost too many in a row now to just be accounted for by the eggs.......so now I'm trying to fix DH's sperm. If we keep losing them then the only explanation I'll have left is that I somehow am rejecting DH's dna or something.

We do have donor sperm and/or eggs on our radar but we'd really have to reach the end of the line with our own eggs/sperm to go that route. We're considering it though.

 

[Sweetkat]

I am similar age to both of you (35). Have one DD and two losses in a row. One was an MMC at 9&3 (baby was measuring 8&4). I had MS until a few days before the reassurance scan and just couldn't believe it when they said no hb.

Second loss I went for a ressurance scan at 6&5 to be told baby was measuring about a week to two weeks behind. So things started going wrong from there.

I am now pregnant again but absolutely terrified sth will go wrong. Had 3 scans so far and either am told baby measuring 4 days or 2 days behind. Going for another scan in a week. So scary being pregnant after things going wrong.

I haven't had any testing but OH has poor morphology (6-7% Kruger strict criteria).

Fingers crossed we have our babies in our arms soon.

 

[LacePrincess]

GL Sweetkat!

I just bought this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Making-Babie...316024503/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Who knows if it works, but can't hurt, right? Okay I'm lying, giving up all coffee (even decaf!) is gonna SUCK, and sugar AND dairy? *sob*

But I'm willing to give it a try. Full on bleeding started for me today, and one final cheat day of burgers, poutine and a beer. Then a new plan tomorrow!

 

[Serendipity13]

Hi All,

Hope you don't mind me joining in... I've been following some of these threads since having my second m/c in a row this week 😥

Right now I am trying to be positive and look at practical ways I might be able to improve things so thank you for the links. I think I am quite similar to Ready in that i would like to try natural options first so DH and I are booked in for acupuncture next week... I found a therapist who treats couples which I thought was interesting. I'm also trying a B vitamin complex as well as prenatals and copious amounts of raspberry leaf tea until OV! We have also been referred to a consultant for further investigations but that won't happen for several weeks yet. I never did any of this when I conceived with DS so must admit it's frustrating having to work so hard now for something other people seem to get easily! If anyone has got any other advice/tips on TTC I would really like to hear.

We have decided not to wait as it was an early m/c so we will be trying again this cycle... Is anyone else actively trying this month? I'm on CD 4 today but don't expect to OV til about CD 20.

 

[LacePrincess]

hi Serendipity - sorry to have to see you join this thread. So sorry for your loss.

I will be trying this month, yes. I don't bother waiting with early losses, and I have to keep going, waiting is too hard if I don't have to. I did wait after the mmc in Dec but mostly because we were doing RPL testing and I didn't want to try again till we had our results back.

I plan on adding a B complex to my regime too. I've done lots of natural stuff and then all the science/medical intervention and now I'm circling back to natural...... I just want something to work and stick.

I wish I had advice for you, but I haven't figure it out yet....and everytime my RE has a new theory we fix that and then it still doesn't work. Well I guess things have sort of improved as when I started with my RE I wasn't even ovulating properly and Femara fixed that, but so far he still hasn't figured out why they aren't sticking.

Well, TCM stuff will be a new thing to try for me, so what the heck I'll try. I don't do herbs or acupuncture though so I hope changing my diet will be effective enough.

 

[Sweetkat]

GL Sweetkat!

I just bought this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Making-Babie...316024503/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Who knows if it works, but can't hurt, right? Okay I'm lying, giving up all coffee (even decaf!) is gonna SUCK, and sugar AND dairy? *sob*

But I'm willing to give it a try. Full on bleeding started for me today, and one final cheat day of burgers, poutine and a beer. Then a new plan tomorrow!

I am trying to cut out salt and processed food (not very successfully). OH is on strong medication (methotrexate) which says on the leaflet that you can't get pregnant for at least 3 months after stopping it, but my OH's consultant said it has no effect on sperm. I think that may be the issue for us but I don't know and OH can't give it up.

I also think that maybe our bodies can't distinguish the good and the bad embryos. I get pregnant first cycle (once second cycle). So literally as soon as a sperm swims up, am pregnant. Other people (like some of my friends) took a year. So maybe their bodies only select good embryos and ours don't?? If that's the case then eventually we will also get a good embryo and all will be fine.

Some of it may be down to bad luck? Doctors don't always know the answers and it could be random bad luck??

I am holding off any testing because I am too worried they will actually say there is sth wrong with me

 

[Serendipity13]

Sweetkat: Yeah I read that too, that maybe women who have recurrent m/c are actually more fertile because they don't distinguish between good and bad as you say. Although I don't get pregnant every cycle even though I know we time it spot on so maybe that isn't the case for me... Who knows!! I am trying to convince myself it is only random bad luck but I'm just not sure... I'm really anxious now I've heard that mothers of first born boys may have more problems as they have created this antibody to cause the subsequent m/c... It's like something has fundamentally changed in me now and how do I fix that?!?

Lace: if you are trying this month maybe we can be buddies together? With my last m/c in Feb I didn't OV til CD24 so I think it may take a while for me... But the acupuncture and raspberry tea may make a difference.

Also thinking I may post on the TTC after a loss to see how many women go on to have a healthy pregnancy after 2+ m/c so I'll report back any findings... I need to hear some positive stories right now 😊

 

[LacePrincess]

Sweetkat - For us we already eat so healthy that it's hard to figure out where else we can get better.....We don't often have processed food or junk. I do have a small dessert every day as a treat or I'd go insane so I'm not sure if I can cut out ALL sugar. I mean, surely the extra stress would be detrimental?

I'm not one of the super fertile types. We struggle to conceive and then when we do we're losing them repeatedly. It's like a double whammy - I don't get it. And at #4 now surely bad luck isn't a good enough explanation?!? I'm personally suspecting some sort of immune factor thing that they haven't figured out.

Serendipity - Yes I'm thinking the first-born boy antigen theory for us too at this point. The study is this one: https://www.ivf1.com/boys-cause-miscarriage/

But we have more than one son so I thought maybe that doesn't apply to us.....but maybe it does? Though there doesn't seem to be a good treatment for it.

And sure we can be buddies. I'm not emotionally strong enough to look at ttc threads yet......and I don't usually find a lot who've had 4+ losses. I've seen in those cases that blood thinners usually do help but I don't know if I'll be able to get Lovenox/Heparin so I really wish I could find happy ending stories with 4+ losses where 'just keep trying' has actually worked! I'm taking Femara right away even though my RE wants me to wait a month but whatever. With my natural cycle I'm a really late (and weak) ovulator too - I usually ovulate CD 16-21. Femara has given me a textbook cycle (O on CD 14 and 13-14 LP) but it hasn't made anything stick yet.

 

[danijoanne]

I'm so sorry for your losses ladies.

Lace princess just want to give you some hope. I've had 5 losses at middle to end first trimester and one girl that had turners disease. I had the rpl testing which came back clear. They started me on 75mg aspirin from bfp and I have a beautiful 3 year old girl and am now pregnant 22 weeks with a healthy boy. So I have everything crossed for you ladies xx

 

[LacePrincess]

I'm so sorry for your losses ladies.

Lace princess just want to give you some hope. I've had 5 losses at middle to end first trimester and one girl that had turners disease. I had the rpl testing which came back clear. They started me on 75mg aspirin from bfp and I have a beautiful 3 year old girl and am now pregnant 22 weeks with a healthy boy. So I have everything crossed for you ladies xx

Thanks dani. That's great!

I'm already on baby aspirin (all cycle) and prog supps from bfp....unfortunately didn't work for me.

 

[danijoanne]

I'm so sorry for your losses ladies.

Lace princess just want to give you some hope. I've had 5 losses at middle to end first trimester and one girl that had turners disease. I had the rpl testing which came back clear. They started me on 75mg aspirin from bfp and I have a beautiful 3 year old girl and am now pregnant 22 weeks with a healthy boy. So I have everything crossed for you ladies xx

Thanks dani. That's great!

I'm already on baby aspirin (all cycle) and prog supps from bfp....unfortunately didn't work for me.

Ah I'm so sorry. I just wanted to give you hope that even without answers sometimes there is light at the end of the tunnel x

 

[LacePrincess]

Ah I'm so sorry. I just wanted to give you hope that even without answers sometimes there is light at the end of the tunnel x

Thank you dani. I really hope there is for us......I'm still processing my emotions and I realize that will take time to come out of my funk, and I shouldn't rush these things. It does feel really hopeless and the thought of doing all that work for another bfp that's doomed is extremely demoralizing.

Ah well. I'm in pity party mode, it won't last forever. Wallowing is allowed especially on a rainy day!